


Worth the Wait

by LadyBrettAshley



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol-induced vomiting, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Eye, Break Up, Breeding Kink, Broken Engagement, Consensual Somnophilia, Cunnilingus, Emotional Manipulation, Engagement Party (Rose & Armie), Eye Punch, F/M, Face-Sitting, Female Ejaculation, Finger Sucking, Gaslighting, HEA, Hand & Finger Kink, Happily Ever After, Happy Ending, Infidelity, Intoxication, Legal Advice, Light Dom/sub, Light Femme Dom, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Marathon Sex, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Non-negotiated somnophilia, Office Cunnilingus, Praise Kink, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rey is a virgin, Rey is confused, Rey just likes to tell Ben what to do in bed, Smut, Somnophilia, Squirting, The vomiting is not super detailed, There Will Be Times You Don't Like Ben, There Will Be Times You Don't Like Rey, Turns out she likes teasing him too, Vaginal Fingering, Virgin Kink, Waking Each Other Up for Sex, Wedding Plans, Which leads to, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27404818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBrettAshley/pseuds/LadyBrettAshley
Summary: Rey had always planned to wait for her wedding night.Until, one day, she walks in on her fiancé with someone else.When she turns to one of his friends for insight, she finds answers to questions she isn’t even asking.-Inspired by this prompt from Reylo_Prompts: Curious Cat Prompt: After being cheated on by her fiancé, Rey decides not to wait til marriage& decides to lose her virginity to known scoundrel Ben. "Scoundrel" Ben begs her for a dinner with him, worships her in bed and trails after her like a lovesick puppy. Rey is confused
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 456
Kudos: 804





	1. Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> Rey Johnson is very unsure of where she’s going and only half sure of why she’s going there.

She has only been to his apartment a few times and hardly paid attention to him, let alone her surroundings.

Yet something stronger than her appears to be guiding her journey as she scales the staircase of what she swears is his apartment building, vaguely recognizing his downstairs neighbor’s blue bike chained to the rack out front.

She has questions and she’s not sure if he will be able to supply any answers for her, but it’s a start.

The heels of her boots sink into his brillo welcome mat as she distributes three sharp knocks in quick succession before she can change her mind. Hoisting her purse higher on her shoulder, Rey glances at the undecorated ring finger of her left hand.

When Ben Solo opens his front door, he’s shirtless, wearing only a pair of charcoal grey sweatpants that hang dangerously low on his hips. His thick jet-black hair falls in waves to his shoulders and in his surprise to see her, he runs a hand through it, pushing it out of his face as though he needs a double-take to be certain it’s her.

Rey swallows as her eyes scan his body like a laser, taking in his wide shoulders and thick pectoral muscles before processing his defined abdomen and the trail of black hair starting at his belly button and disappearing beneath the waistband of his sweats. She’s seen him shirtless before at pool parties or the occasional beach day. 

But it never felt as salacious as it does now.

“Hi, Rey,” Ben says. It’s a half-question. He looks her up and down before asking, “are you okay?”

“Hi,” she says as she steps past him and into his apartment. _She’s_ supposed to be the one asking the questions; suddenly, she can’t remember what they are. “I’m peachy.”

“You sure?” he asks, closing the door. “Because you seem kind of on edge.”

Rey laughs divisively. “Do I? Do I seem on edge to you?”

Ben gives her a look that says he’s not sure if he should answer.

“Maybe it’s because I just walked in on Tai fucking some… some girl. And then, on my way over here, I called our wedding venue and I can’t get my deposit back.”

Ben blinks at her. His expression reads that he has more questions than she has time, considering she’s the one who’s supposed to be asking the questions. Rey bulges her eyes and nudges her head forward, urging him to say what he needs to say. 

“Let me get this straight. You just found out your fiancé is cheating on you and your biggest concern is the deposit for your venue?”

“Yes,” she says as though she’s realizing it along with him. “I mean, well, no, but I _did_ put two grand down as a deposit for the venue _he_ wanted. Not to mention all of the other deposits _I_ put down that I have no idea if I can get back. All because he couldn’t wait just three more months until our wedding night.”

Ben appeared to be in sensory overload as he waved a hand between them. Her eyes followed it, memorizing the width of his palm and the length of his fingers. “Hold on…” he starts. “You were waiting for your wedding night to-“

“Is _that_ all you took from that?!” she cuts him off. “Wait, did he say otherwise?”

“No,” Ben said quickly. “No, he uh… didn’t really talk much about your relationship at all. At least, not with me. Not so much lately.”

Rey nods. She isn’t sure if that should hurt her or not, but it reminds her of why she’s here- to see what Ben knows. Although, he may have just answered that question for her. 

“Well, _I_ was waiting for my wedding night. I wanted it to be special. I wanted him to be it- the guy I was supposed to be with forever, you know? And for what?” She laughs. “I mean, shit, Ben, what does it even matter anymore?”

Ben watches her carefully. “Well, if it’s important to you, then it definitely matters,” he says. 

Rolling her eyes, she folds her arms over her chest. One of the large buttons on her peacoat digs uncomfortably into her forearm. She doesn’t remedy it. 

“Well, that’s all well and great, but what was the point if it ultimately led to my fiance cheating on me because I wouldn’t fuck him?”

“Whoa,” Ben says, taking a step toward her and she finds herself consumed by his scent and the width of his Bare chest. “Now… hang on. This is _not_ your fault. If you made your expectations clear at the beginning of your relationship, then that’s on him for not respecting them, or at least claiming to and then going back on that.”

Her eyes are glued to the bulging abdominal muscle directly beneath his left pec as she listens intently to every word he says. Until, they’re distracted by his large hand as he positions his fingers at his hairline and brushes the fallen strands out of his eyes. His silky black hair oozes through the gaps in his finger-comb and suddenly, Rey finds it a little harder to breathe. 

“You’re just saying that because you’re a lawyer and those are the _rules_ , and you’re a rule follower,” she says quietly. Ben’s hand falls to his side and her gaze goes with it, focusing on the dips beneath his hip bones where his lower abs meet his obliques. She looks down one side of the V and up the other before looking him in the eyes. “Do you _ever_ break the rules, Ben?”

“Rey, why are you here?” Ben asks, tensing at her words. 

It was a fair question. It’s not like they were friends, per se. Ben was brought into her life through Tai. Surely she had other people in her life with whom she could be discussing these things. 

She presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth until it aches. She came here for answers and she wants to know what he knows, if anything. Not that she assumes he would tell her if he knew anything, but his recent behavior had her suspicious. 

Glancing down at the perfectly straight line of hair between his bellybutton and the elastic of his pants, she bites her lip. Simultaneously, she can feel her pulse in her neck and a throb between her legs. Maybe _that’s_ the answer she’s looking for.

“Rey,” he says, very aware of her unabashed gaze. It’s a warning.

“You’re Tai’s friend,” she says quietly, looking into his eyes. “You were one of his groomsmen for god’s sake! You were supposed to be standing up there with us when we lied to the world about how we’d love each other forever.” Rey nods, placing her hands on her hips and looks down at the floor. 

“Rey, why did you come here?” he asks for the second time.

Shifting gears, Rey decides to ask a different set of questions. “You hook up with women all the time, don’t you, Ben? So I assume you know what you’re doing?” She looks up at him through her thick lashes and takes several steps until she’s standing directly in front of him. “Maybe you could show me what I’m missing out on.”

“Rey.”

She’s seen him with women at bars and parties, watched him seduce them all night, with his lips pressed to their ears and neck, and his hands on their lower backs and thighs. She’s seen women practically beg him to take them home and then come back for more the next time they run into him.

“Ben, I don’t want to wait,” she says. “Not anymore. What’s the point? I’ve done everything except for sex with… with him and physically, I’m not, I mean… technically...”

She isn’t sure how to admit to him that she owns (what she believes to be) a rather large dildo but he clearly catches her drift because his eyes close and she hears the softest grunt get stuck deep in his throat.

“Rey, no,” he says weekly. “You’re upset. And hurt, and you’re not thinking clearly.”

“Oh, I’m thinking clearer than I have in years. I’ve been taking steps in a relationship without stopping to consider if that’s even what I want.” She looks down at her pointed boots. “If _he’s_ even what I want.”

Ben’s uncompromising stare wavers just a bit and sensing weakness, Rey steps toward him. He doesn’t move. She steps close enough that the toe of her boot lands between his bare feet. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, his breaths appearing heavier, shakier in her presence. 

She knows the feeling.

Ben’s head remains upright. He appears as though he is trying to set the opposite wall on fire with his eyes as she gently presses her fingertips to his abdomen. 

“Rey. We can’t do this. We’re friends.”

Scrunching her nose, she looks up at him. “Are we? When we do things as a group, you ignore me, I email you about wedding party stuff, you don’t get back to me. Not that that matters anymore, I suppose. But you and Tai have been growing distant lately, haven’t you?”

His jaw clenches.

“You’ve been avoiding him, and he doesn’t know why.” Ben clears his throat and looks down at her. Her eyes search his; she originally came here to ask why. It wasn’t to oogle his chest or seduce him despite her lack of experience. Rather, she wanted to gather intel; if the reason he’s been so distant is because he knew of Tai’s affair.

Studying his lips, she wonders if they’ve always been that plush. “Actually,” Rey nearly whispers. “I don’t think I care why... anymore.”

Lifting his head, he looks straight over the top of her head; she stares relentlessly at the underside of his chin. “Is it over?” he asks, maintaining his eye contact with the wall. “You and him?”

With his gaze parallel to the ceiling, his lips are too high for her to reach, even in her heeled boots. Gently, she cranes her neck and brushes her lips along his jawline, his stubble scratching her lips.

He smells expensive, like the aftershave he uses is kept behind the counter in a locked case, like the cologne he rubs onto his neck is a scent you have to know about to ask for.

Rey doesn’t know how to seduce a man who isn’t her ex-fiance. With him, kissing usually turned into a little bit more, but she always stopped their progress just in time- with her mouth or his fingers. Now, she has no intention of stopping, and no idea what she’s doing. 

As she runs her fingertips down over his stomach, he shivers and tilts his head down. 

She pulls her face away and looks up at him. “Ben,” she whispers, her eyes pleading with his. “Please.”

Ben opens his mouth to say something, his gaze falls to her tiny fingers on his stomach. When he exhales through his slightly parted lips, she can feel his breath on her face. She tries to drown herself in it.

Swaying into him, she presses the front of her body against his to show him how good she could feel. When the fabric of her peacoat meets his bare skin, something inside of him snaps.

Before she can gather her bearings, his right thumb is on her cheek, his remaining fingers clutching at the side of her neck as his lips crash into hers. She gasps into his mouth, but immediately kisses him back, splaying her hands out fully across his abdomen. 

His other hand slides beneath her open coat, wrapping around her lower back and holding her to him as he tilts his head to the right and deepens their kiss. With her body fully pressed against his, she can feel him hardening between them and she moans softly at how quickly he’s reacting to her.

As his tongue slips between her lips, his hands travel to her shoulders and tug at her coat. Rey drops her arms and helps him shimmy it off of her. Without removing his lips from hers, he takes the coat in one hand and tosses it toward the couch. Whether it lands or not, she’s unsure, but it’s so hard to care as he hooks that same hand around the back of her thigh and lifts her up.

Rey’s legs instinctively wrap around his waist, locking at her ankles. He takes two massive steps so he can back her up against the wall, holding her with one hand and placing his other next to her head. She moans as she grinds her pelvis against his hard stomach, attempting to ease the growing ache between her legs. He tears his lips from hers and looks up into her eyes. 

“Rey,” he breathes, so differently from how he’d said her name earlier. “Are you sure you want this? This is something you can never get back.” She nods enthusiastically, her breath erratic and unstable. She moves to kiss him and he pulls his head back, but tightens his grip on her thigh. 

“If we do this,” Ben continues. “This is…” he considers his words. Rey plays with the hair hanging over the back of his neck. “If we do this, we’ll never be the same. You and me. Or… us and _him_.”

She bites her lip and nods again. “I know,” she whispers. “I want this. Please.” Ben looks into her eyes and she brings her hand around to cup his cheek. Closing his eyes, he leans into her touch. “I want _you_.”

He growls as he pushes her harder against the wall, adjusting his grip on her before kissing her again. Her lips respond to his immediately as he abandons their spot and carries her through the living room toward his bedroom.

After kicking the half-closed door open with his foot, he deposits her on her feet near his bed. Her legs shake as she wraps her arms tighter around his neck, desperate to maintain balance. Slowly, he backs her up toward the bed until the backs of her legs hit the mattress and he pulls his lips from hers as he pushes her into a seated position.

Rey’s out of breath and out of inhibitions as Ben drops to his knees at her feet. She watches him pinch the zipper pull just beneath the side of her knee. His opposite hand nearly wraps around the entire circumference of her calf as he steadies her leg and pulls it down. 

Ben grabs the toe of her boot in one hand and the heel in the other, his fingers wrapping around the three-inch heel for leverage as he eases it off of her.

Rey unfocuses her eyes as he deposits the boot onto the floor and shifts his attention to her opposite leg. When she focuses again, she can see how unforgiving his sweatpants are at concealing his erection and the thought that she did that to him consumes her. 

It makes her feel powerful, sexy, wanted… and she whimpers softly as he peels the other boot from her foot. Her heart pounds and she can feel all of her appendages pulsing along with it. She fears he can hear it, too, as he holds her face with both hands and bends down to kiss her. The first words muttered between the two of them since they’ve entered the bedroom are Ben’s as he murmurs against her lips, “Rey, you’re so beautiful.” 

His words take her by surprise and she has to crane her neck up to keep her lips on his, but god, is it worth it; and she sighs as he motions for her to stand up, one of his hands falling to her neck. He clutches the side of her throat, his thumb pressing hard on her collarbone and she is so unsure of what to do with her own hands.

When he pulls her against him, she can feel his erection against her hip, hard and unwavering. His grip tightens on her throat, squeezing a moan out of her. 

Rey raises her arms, pointing her fingertips toward the ceiling and Ben pulls away from their kiss. She swears his eyes flick to her left hand for a second before he releases her neck and drops his hands to the hem of her shirt.

Giving her a small smile, he looks into her eyes as he tugs the long-sleeved shirt up, slowly at first, giving her plenty of time to stop him.

She doesn’t.

The room’s cool air hits her stomach, and then her chest as he pulls the shirt over her head and peels the sleeves off of her arms. His jaw clenches and his eyes struggle to stay on hers. 

When she brings her hands between their chests, Ben allows his gaze to drop and he watches her small fingers unhook the front clasp of her bra. Rey’s arms fall to her sides as his massive hands pick up where hers left off, and the tips of his fingers dip between the underside of her breasts and the underwires of her bra.

His eyes follow his hands as he pushes both cups to the side simultaneously. His palms brush against her hard nipples as the straps fall off her shoulders, and her bra falls to the floor. “Fuck, Rey. Your tits are _so_ perfect.”

Her eyes close and she sways into his touch as he kneads her breasts, sending shockwaves of arousal straight to her center. Already drunk on his hands, she needs even more of him; she needs to be inebriated. 

“You’re so damn gorgeous. I can’t believe you’re letting me touch you like this,” he tells her and before she can open her eyes, he kisses her.

Clutching his biceps becomes a necessity as her knees nearly give out on her and the ache between her legs intensifies. Ben’s hands fall to the waistband of her jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them slowly. 

With shaking hands, she reaches for the waistband of his own pants. As Ben pulls her jeans down her hips, he must sense her nervousness because he kisses her again and she gasps into his mouth.

“You’re so perfect, Rey,” he tells her as he runs his hands up the length of her torso, starting at her thighs and ending on her tits. She hooks her fingers between his skin and the elastic of his sweats and thrusts them off, leaving him in his boxer-briefs. She inhales sharply as she registers the size of him beneath the thin black fabric. 

With her jeans on the floor, he wraps his hands beneath her thighs and lifts her just enough to place her on the center of the mattress. She falls back with a comfortable flop and watches him devour her body with his eyes.

Rey can hear her heartbeat in her ears as he lifts one of her feet and plants a kiss to her ankle. His lips form a smile against her skin and he plants two more small kisses along her calf. “Your legs are so sexy,” he mumbles

When he licks the inside of her knee, a moan spills from between her lips, the sound wafting down to fuel the heat between her legs. He raises an eyebrow at her and licks her there again before nipping at her skin. Rey bites her lip as he continues to pay attention to the erogenous zone she didn’t even know she had.

“Ben,” she says impatiently because this isn’t what she had in mind. She wanted him to fuck her, not worship her. And yet-

“I’m gonna take my time with you,” Ben tells her, his lips nudging the skin of her thigh with each syllable. “I want this to be amazing for you. Show you what you deserve.”

When Ben looks up at her, she wordlessly answers his question by digging her heels into the mattress, lifting her hips up slightly. Getting up, he stands next to the bed before pinching the elastic at her hips. 

Ben’s stare is unwavering, maintaining eye contact with her as he pulls the last remaining garment from her body, throwing it to the floor. 

Instinctively, she keeps her knees pressed together, and that appears to be okay with Ben as he takes her unattended foot in his hand and repeats his process of kissing from her ankle up her calf. Rey knows the only way for his pattern to continue is for her to spread her legs for him and when he glances up at her over her knees, she loosens her leg muscles.

With one hand on each knee, he spreads her legs, and she looks up at the ceiling as his mouth descends on her inner thigh, planting more kisses along her skin. 

“Can we um…” she says and he immediately looks up at her. “Can we kiss for a little bit?”

Ben smiles as he hoists himself onto the bed and settles between her legs, holding himself over her. “Of course, Sweetheart,” he murmurs into her neck. 

With her hands on either side of his face, she brings his lips to hers and the weight of his body comforts her. These kisses are nothing like the ones in the living room. They are slow and deliberate.

As Ben holds himself over her with one arm, his free hand wanders. It starts in her hair, tugging it gently as he takes her bottom lip between his, then he drags it down, his fingertips grazing the side of her neck lightly before tickling her collar bone. 

His hand continues south and she moans as he cups her breast, instantly pushing her chest into his touch. Their kiss breaks when he pinches her nipple harder than before and she gasps, but his fingers don’t let up and she leans up to kiss him again. 

Continuing the exploration of the side of Rey’s body, Ben’s hand dips into the valley of her waist, and rounds the slight curve of her hip. “Your skin is so soft,” he whispers. “God, you feel amazing.”

They kiss for what feels like hours, and her lips _feel_ swollen on his. There isn’t a part of her mouth his tongue hasn’t traversed or a part of the left side of her body his right hand hasn’t touched. She realizes he’s waiting for her to make the next move. Needing oxygen, she breaks their kiss and looks up at him panting. His lips are even fuller, stung by her own mouth and she swallows before looking between them.

“Rey, it’s… it’s okay if you’ve changed your mind,” he tells her.

“No, I want this,” she says to him.

Ben kisses her neck before licking a path down to her tits. He takes one nipple in his mouth and nearly devours it as she arches her back, pressing her chest into his mouth even more. 

“Ben,” she breathes. “Don’t stop.”

He groans into her, “Ugh, Rey. I could suck on your tits all night. They’re so fucking amazing.”

His hand replaces his mouth and he pinches her nipple between his thumb and forefinger earning a moan from her. With one breast occupied, his mouth descends on the other, sucking relentlessly on that nipple, taking it between his teeth and tugging; she rewards him with a gasp.

His mouth falls an inch or so to the soft, sensitive skin on the underside of her breast and he licks it at first before planting a gentile kiss to the area. Rey watches him as he takes part of her flesh between his lips and sucks it _hard_ , his teeth nipping at her in the process. 

Rey squeals and he chuckles against her as he lifts his head, happy with his work. She glances down at the bruise he’d left there and the sight of Ben marking her as his causes her to clench. 

As he kisses his way down over her ribs and stomach, his hand runs a marathon over her body, grazing her stomach, tits, wrists, throat, whatever he can grab. He shifts his weight lower onto the bed; Rey realizes where he is headed and she reaches for his shoulders. 

“Ben,” she says. “You don’t have to…”

He places a kiss to her flat stomach, several inches dangerously below her bellybutton. Without looking up at her, he asks, “did he ever?”

“Um…” she says quietly. “He doesn’t really like it.”

Ben plants another open mouthed kiss, his teeth scraping her skin. “Do _you_ like it?” 

“I don’t know,” she whispers.

“Well,” he starts, lowering his head and licking the junction between her thigh and her center. “I fucking love giving head. And your pussy is _so_ perfect, Rey. So I’m gonna start, and you tell me if you want me to stop.”

She thinks she whispers okay but all thoughts fall from her mind as he tests the waters by flicking the tip of his tongue out at her clit. He doesn’t look up at her, but her hips lurch toward his face.

Ben waits a second before his head bobs again and he flattens his tongue to lick a stripe up her center.

“Oh my... fuck,” she moans and he wraps his hands around her thighs to hold her in place as she squirms against his face. “Ben.”

He grips her tighter, his fingertips making craters in her flesh as he fucks her with his tongue- in and out, drawing noises from between her lips that she’s never heard herself make. When his mouth wraps around her clit and he sucks at it, Rey screams his name so loudly, it echoes, bouncing off the walls and tugging the corners of his lips into a smile.

She’s desperate for something to grab onto and threads her fingers through Ben’s hair, tugging it gently, and drawing a groan out of him. The vibrations from his lips cause her legs to jerk and his nose nudges against her clit as his tongue works her hole again. When she gasps, he does it again. 

“Rey, you taste so damn good,” he says as he inserts a finger inside of her and looks up. Her fingers fall from his hair onto her hips and she relishes in the soft skin of her own body as her fingertips trace the bones of her ribs, climb her breasts, and land in her hair. “You’re so sexy,” he tells her, his words mumbled against her clit as he inserts a second finger into her. “You’re so good, Rey. Your pussy tastes amazing.”

“Ben,” she breathes, reaching for the hand digging into her thigh. He allows her to remove it from its station and she tugs on his fingers as her orgasm builds.

Rey’s not sure what compels her to do it, but she holds his massive hand in both of hers and lifts his pointer finger to her lips, taking the tip into her mouth and sucking gently at first. Ben looks up at her from between her legs and she whimpers as she pushes more of his finger into her mouth. Just the thought of his hands anywhere on her body was enough to drive her crazy, but actually sucking one of his fingers into her hot, wet mouth is more than she could handle. 

As her legs start to shake of their own volition, she clutches his wrist even tighter and bites down on his finger. “I… I…”

Ben was so close to giving her something she’s only ever been able to experience on her own. 

“Come for me, Rey,” he tells her, curling his fingers forward against her front wall. Simultaneously, Ben pushes the middle finger of the hand she’s holding to her lips. Rey immediately takes it into her mouth and breathes through her nose as she sucks both fingers desperately. 

His mouth sucks her clit in tune with her own mouth on his fingers, and her back arches up off the bed as her orgasm crescendos. 

The waves of her climax spread like wildfire, up through her curved spine, and back down her legs; she squeezes them tighter around his head as she thrusts her hips into his face, riding out the surges of pleasure. 

Ben slows his motions, keeping his fingers inside of her as her legs grow weak and fall completely open, the outsides of her knees hitting his mattress. Rey pulls his fingers from her mouth and his hand falls onto her chest, immediately drenching her skin in her own saliva. It’s difficult for her to see over his hand sprawled out across her flushed chest as she looks down at him. From what Rey can see, his eyes are already waiting to lock with hers.

When he pulls his fingers out of her, a sigh falls from between her lips. Rey runs a hand through her hair and he smiles at her as he plants an open-mouthed kiss, painting her inner thigh with her own juices.

“Ben,” she says quietly, reaching for him. He wipes his glistening mouth with the back of his hand and Rey moans at the sight as he positions himself over her, his underwear still on. “I… wow…”

“Good wow?” he asks, licking the curve of one tit. Ben’s mouth makes her nipple taste like her pussy and he sucks on it.

“Amazing wow,” Rey clarifies, placing a hand on the side of his face. “I mean… no one’s ever actually made me come before. I…” she lets out a laugh as she strokes his cheekbone with her thumb. “I didn’t think it was possible to have someone do that for me. Holy shit.”

Ben frowns at her confession and lifts his head off of her breast. “Rey…”

“Fuck me,” she says as her hand slides from his face down between them to the waistband of his boxer-briefs. “Please.”

He stands off the bed and finally removes them for her before reaching in his bedside drawer for a condom. Rey swallows as she observes his finally exposed dick. Not that she has much to compare it to, but it looks _so_ big. Her cunt clenches on air.

As Ben tears the packaging, she watches his face, laced in concentration and she bites her lip as he rolls it down over his thick cock. He crawls over her; she can feel his skin on hers as he kisses her sweetly before saying. “Rey, are you sure?” She swallows and nods, looking between them. “I need to hear you say it,” he tells her.

“Yes,” she says, looking into his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Ben reaches between them and she watches as he takes his dick in his hand, lining it up at her entrance. Rey sucks in a breath and feels the tip prodding her as he lowers his hips. 

Groaning, he stops and Rey looks up at him.

“Okay, I’m okay,” she says, very surprised and somewhat relieved.

“Rey, I’m only halfway inside of you,” he tells her and she looks between them to confirm his words. She laughs and makes eye contact with him. He’s smiling, too, and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes promise her he’ll go slow. Or he says it. Or she tells herself that’s what he’ll do as he pushes his hips forward and ducks his head down beneath her jaw as he bottoms out, completely sheathed inside of her. “Fuck, Rey. You’re… fuck, you’re so tight.”

Silently, she waits for the pain to arrive as he attaches his lips to her neck, planting open-mouthed kisses as he stills inside of her. His lips work the skin of her throat, attempting to suck any discomfort he’s caused out of her body.

“So good,” he mumbles against her skin. “You feel so incredible, Rey. You took me so well.”

She adjusts her hips beneath his and he groans, his lips vibrating against her neck. Rather than the searing pain she’d been expecting, she feels a stretch and a fullness that her dildo had never provided her. She squeezes his bicep, and his muscles contract under her grip.

She’s not sure how long Ben stays unmoving inside of her or what prompts her to wrap one leg around his lower back, but when she does, he slips deeper inside of her, splits her even more, and she moans.

If there is pain, it feels _incredible_.

Maybe the pain is what she needs.

“Move, Ben,” she whispers, pressing her hips into his. 

“You’re so perfect,” he breathes against her skin as he withdraws and pushes into her slowly. If Rey could bottle that first thrust, she would keep it forever in her nightstand. Her mouth falls open at the sensation, feeling the stretch everywhere. “You’re so tight for me. Fuck, Rey, you feel so good around my cock.”

His words elicit a sigh from her and she digs her heel into his ass, spurring him on. His thrusts gain momentum as he pulls out of her a little quicker and pushes into her a little harder. Ben catches her watching him fuck her, his dick disappearing with each push into her and the sight causes her to lose her breath.

“You like this, Baby?” he asks. “Is this good for you?”

“Yes,” Rey says, her hand losing control as she drags her nails down his back.

He groans above her, and she can tell he’s holding back. Whether it’s for her sake or his, she’s unsure, but Ben rolls his hips on a particularly deep thrust and her hips tilt up toward his, her body desperate to take as much as he can give to her. 

“Rey, you feel so good,” he tells her as he slows his pace considerably to kiss her. She loses one of her hands in his hair, and loses herself in him completely as he lowers himself onto her, nearly every inch of their bodies touching while he fucks her deliciously. 

His pelvic bone is rubbing against her already sensitive clit, and every nerve ending in her body is on alert, and he whispers into her ear again how good she feels and how amazing she is and how perfectly she takes him.

“Yes,” she cries out. “More… please, Ben.”

“Fuck, you take me so well, don’t you?” Then he mutters two words that she never knew she wanted to hear. “Good girl.”

Before she can even catch her breath, her pussy is clamping down on him, drawing him in, and pleading for everything he has.

Even though her orgasm catches her off guard, she tumbles into its effects and throws her head back as she moans, her chin pointed to the ceiling as her back tries and fails to push up off the bed, his weight preventing her from rising.

She’s completely lost control as she begs him, “harder, Ben. Please… harder.”

Instantly, he complies, holding himself over her once again and thrusting into her at his fastest pace yet. He’s watching her tits as he slides in and out of her, and Rey smiles as he growls. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells her as she threads a hand through her own hair. “You… you look so sexy when I fuck you like this.” His words are a weight heavier than his body is on her. “I’m close. I’m gonna-”

When she opens her eyes, he’s looking between them, watching his cock disappear inside of her and his last couple of thrusts are jagged and close together and he grinds his hips into hers as he groans into one long, profound thrust, hitting her deeper than she thought imaginable.

His face points to the ceiling as he jerks into her a few more times, and she revels in the most incredible view of his body- his defined chest, muscular arms, and thick neck, veins bulging from his throat and biceps. 

When he hangs his head, Rey lifts a hand to his hairline, brushing his thick hair out of his face. Immediately, he leans into her touch and he smiles as he looks at her. 

“Are you okay?” Ben asks as he nearly lays on top of her to kiss her lips. She nods and kisses him back, tightening her leg’s grip on his lower half, pulling him deeper inside of her, desperate to keep him. “Ah,” he lets out, tearing his mouth from hers and he grins at her. 

Rey releases her leg from its position and he runs his nose along the length of her jawline before he nibbles on her ear lobe. “Was that okay? Was that good for you?” he asks.

“Yes,” she manages to say. “Ben, that was… it was amazing.” 

He smiles as he pulls out of her, careful to take the condom with him before wrapping it in some tissues on the nightstand.

Turning on his side, he grips her hip and pulls her to him, rolling her onto her side as well. She tucks her arms in, placing her palms flat on his chest as their feet touch toward the end of the bed; she bends her toes against his calf. 

Rey sighs deeply as he holds her and she feels the sting of tears behind her eyes but she decides she cannot let them fall, and buries her head in what little blanket space rests between her head and his neck.

She’s not sure how long it’s been since he’s pulled her in and laid with her in silence, but she applies pressure to his chest with her hands and he looks down at her. “Can I use your bathroom?” she asks and he smiles at her.

“Of course.”

He releases his grip and she pads nervously to the ensuite bathroom. 

Four steps onto the cold tile, Rey leans against the wall farthest from the door. Her lip quivers, her eyes blur, and before she can attempt to stop them, her first tears since she’d learned about Tai pour over her bottom lashes. Initially warm on her cheeks, they turn cold as she wipes them away. 

As she slides down, she doesn’t feel the jagged texture of the wall or the smooth, frigid tile beneath her ass as she tucks her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

She doesn’t feel guilty for what she’s done, and she hopes Ben doesn’t either. 

She feels cheated.

Literally, because her partner engaged in an act of infidelity, but figuratively as well.

Because in the four years she’d been in a relationship with Tai, he’d never paid nearly as much attention to her as Ben had in the last hour. 

Once she composes herself, she exits the bathroom, wondering if she should have grabbed her clothes on the way in, or if she should have wrapped his towel around her body on the way out.

However, as she returns to his bedroom, she finds it empty, the previously open door now closed, and the comforter smoothed over.

Her jeans sit folded with her shirt on top at the foot of his bed, her bra and panties lying next to them neatly. Her phone vibrates in her back pocket and when she checks it, she’s plagued with 18 missed calls and 20 text messages all from Tai.

She gets dressed quickly and when she finds Ben, he’s standing in the kitchen wearing the same pair of grey sweatpants she took off of him in his bedroom. He’s added a white t-shirt, and he’s pouring two glasses of water. He slides one toward her.

“Are you okay?” he asks her, leaning forward slightly.

Rey can tell he’s trying to give her space but it’s clear that’s not what he wants. She came here to get answers and got something else entirely. 

Or lost, depending on how she looks back on this day. 

Rey nods. “I am.”

He smiles weakly. “Rey, can I take you to dinner?”

His question takes her so off guard, she nearly spits out her water. “What?”

“Come to dinner with me. Or… I can cook for you.” He opens the refrigerator door. “I went grocery shopping earlier today, actually. Do you like salmon?”

Rey’s confusion must be palpable because he closes the fridge door and looks at her. “Ben, I…” she starts. “I have so much I need to deal with tonight. I missed like forty calls and texts from Tai, and… I’m just _so_ exhausted.”

“You can stay here tonight,” he offers.

“Ben, no.” His face falls. “I… I mean, you don’t owe me anything. I initiated this. You don’t have to feel like you have to let me stay or take me out… I know what this was.”

“I don’t feel like I _have_ to do anything,” he tells her. 

Rey has never known Ben well. Mostly because over the years, he’s never allowed her to get to know him. What she does know is that Ben doesn’t date. He’s satisfied with whomever flirts with him at the bar that night. Because there were always women at the bar flirting with him. If _this_ is how he treats them, Rey is both unsurprised that they come back for more, and very surprised that they don’t try to wrangle him into being more than a casual hookup.

“I should really get going,” she says.

Ben glances at her left hand as though he’s making sure her ring is still absent. “Well, if you change your mind about dinner, let me know,” he says and she gives him a weak smile. “Or lunch if you’d prefer. Brunch, even.”

Rey lets out a small laugh and he smiles at her in return, smile lines framing his swollen lips like parentheses. 

She walks to the door and Ben meets her there, opening it for her. In his proximity, she can smell his expensive cologne. She wonders if she smells like it, too.

“Thank you,” she says quietly. “For… everything today.”

He smiles and nods. “Of course. Anytime.”

Rey furrows her brow at him. “This was a one-time thing, Ben. There is no ‘anytime’ option here.”

“Yeah, it- it’s just a figure of speech.”

Rey presses her hand to his bicep and says, “bye, Ben.”

“Bye, Rey,” he replies quietly as she walks out the door, her hand sliding down the length of his arm. Her fingers graze the inside of his wrist and his palm. Rey’s motion slows once she reaches his middle finger and she brushes it lightly with the tip of her own, a chill rushing through her body as her hand abandons his warmth. 

She pretends that final touch made him smell a little bit more like her, too. 

Like she’s a scent behind the counter that you have to know about to ask for. 


	2. Receive

**To: Rey Johnson**

**From: Ben Solo**

**Subject: Hi**

\--

Hi Rey,

I realized after you left that I don’t have your number, but I wanted to reach out.

I didn’t think about it until after you left, but I’m happy to look over your vendor contracts to see if there’s anything I can do to recover some of your deposits.

Please let me know if I can help at all.   
  


-Ben

PS- you left your coat here. Maybe I can return it to you at dinner? 😉

\--

When Rey arrives at Tai’s apartment door, she doesn’t move to unlock it until she finishes reading Ben’s email on her phone. Considering she’d come straight from his place, where she begged him to take her virginity and allowed herself to come completely undone in front of him, she questions her decision making for bringing her here.

She tells herself it’s better than him showing up unannounced at her apartment. At least now she can leave when she wants to.

In preparation, she takes a deep breath; for protection, she lays down a row of bricks around her heart in an attempt to keep him at bay.

The tip of her key barely grazes the lock when the door swings open. 

“Rey!” Tai exclaims, pulling her into a hug. “Thank god.”

She allows him to wrap his arms around her, maintaining hers at her sides as she turns her neck, the side of her face pressed to his chest. She allows him to inhale her hair, and hold her tighter when he notices her indifference toward his touch.

“It’s so cold outside,” he says. “Where’s your coat? You’re freezing!”

She allows him to express concern as he runs his hands up and down her arms swiftly, attempting to warm her up through her long-sleeved shirt. She allows him to comfort her as the fabric of her sleeves ride up and down her arms. 

Inhaling deeply, Rey breathes in his scent and uses it as mortar to build her brick wall higher.

She waits for him to break the hug because he clearly needs it more than she does. When he finally pulls away, he cups her face with both hands. “I’m _so_ sorry,” he tells her. “Can we please talk?”

Rey’s not sure why he thinks she came, if not to talk. Hell, she’s not even sure what there is to talk about at this point, but she follows him into his apartment anyway. He sits on ‘his’ side of the couch and waits for her to join him. 

She doesn’t.

From where she stands, she stares at his cheekbones, her line of sight an inch beneath his eyes. Fearing she’ll recede if she stares into his beautiful blue eyes, she clenches her jaw and maintains her gaze anywhere else.

He gestures to the couch and her legs betray her as they carry her there. 

A few bricks fall from the top of her wall as she sits.

“Um…” Tai starts. “Rey, I… first of all, I am _so_ sorry. It was a moment of weakness and that’s not an excuse but I swear it was a one-time thing. I’ve never done anything like that before, and I don’t even know why I did it at all. It will never _ever_ happen again.”

Rey focuses on a run in the fabric of his couch. Fingering it, she contemplates how many times they’d discussed buying new furniture to fill this place when she moves in. How much fun they’d have at the store, picking out a brand new aesthetic that was half hers and half his. She isn’t sure what kind of coffee table she would want- does she want square, circle, oval? Maybe a trunk that they could store blankets inside. 

She likes the idea of a trunk as a coffee table. 

“I’ve been so stressed lately,” Tai continues as she comes back into consciousness, hardly processing his rambling. “It’s all been so much with work and the wedding and I just… I just needed to escape myself.”

Tugging at the string sprouting out of the couch cushion, she dips back out of coherency and his muffled words sound more like he’s dropped glass down the garbage disposal. The couch strings remain frustratingly in place. She wants to rip them up, and pull the stuffing out of the cushion, and make a mess, and then leave.

“I swear I’ve never done anything like this before, I don’t even know where this came from. It just. God, I’m so stupid. But it was a one-time thing, I swear, Rey. I love you. I want to be with you. Only you.”

She would probably prefer a rounded coffee table so if she bumps into it, it wouldn’t bruise her shins. She can be clumsy.

Tai continues rambling off a laundry list of cheater’s clichés- it’s not her, it’s him, and he’ll never do it again, and he was thinking of her the whole time. He’s repeating himself now- she’s so amazing, and he’s just going through such a hard time, and he’s stressed, and he wasn’t thinking, and he’s so sorry, and can she please just forgive him. 

Please.

Since entering his apartment, Rey has yet to speak; she’s barely looked at him, but when she hears him sniffle, she looks up into his eyes and watches tears rise like the tide over his stunning blue irises.

As soon as her eyes meet his, she sighs. They’re soft. So soft, she wonders how he could have possibly done this to her. To them.

His sky-colored eyes strike her wall and crack it.

“Rey,” he says, and she watches as his tears spill over his bottom lashes, streaking his sharp cheekbones. Reaching for her arm, he shuffles closer to her on the couch, knocking another brick off her wall. “Rey, I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much.” 

He’s got her hand in his now, his fingers intertwined between hers and he presses a kiss to her knuckles and wrist. The back of her throat starts to ache, and she knows she’s going to cry. “Rey, I’m sorry, you mean everything to me. You’re my whole world, and she meant nothing. She _is_ nothing. You’re… you’re- we're a little family, you and me. We can't lose that.”

Rey doesn’t hear him finish his sentence because she exhales vehemently, and with her heavy breath come her tears. 

Feeling empty and embarrassed, she begs herself to stop crying. Sensing she’s not enough, she fears she hadn’t done enough to prevent this from happening. She can’t help but feel like it’s her fault and when he pulls her against him, she accepts the humiliation and defeat.

“I love you,” he repeats. “I love you so much, and I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

For the first time since entering his apartment, Rey speaks. “Me too,” she says, although she’s not sure what she’s apologizing for.

He loosens his grip on her to cup her face and brushes his thumb across the apple of her cheek. His touch is so warm and familiar, and she leans into it. He smiles sadly as he leans forward, and she turns her head to the side before their lips can touch. 

“Tai, don’t.”

“Rey, please,” he whispers. “Please.” His hand falls from her face down her arm and he takes her hand in his, brushing his thumb across her knuckles. “You took your ring off,” he observes, looking at her hand. “Where is your ring?”

Her heart drops and panic seers through her body like a hot knife when she realizes it’s tucked away in her coat pocket. 

And her coat is at Ben’s.

“I… I left it at my place,” she stutters.

He seems satisfied enough with her response, but his features express that he is less than thrilled with the realization as a whole. 

“I’ll bring the ring back to you soon,” she promises.

“Rey, no,” he says. “Don’t do this.” 

“Tai, the wedding is off,” she says quietly, her voice shaking. “It has to be.”

He panics. “No. No, please. Please, Rey. Don’t walk away from us. We have such a foundation, we’re so good together. Don’t leave because I’m an idiot. How can we live without one another? Our wedding is only three months away. We can’t cancel now. What about all of our friends and family and all of the plans and the honeymoon? We can’t cancel all of that now. It’ll be okay, Rey,” he says, placing his hand over hers and leaning in. “I promise. We can still be a family.”

She doesn’t let him kiss her.

She does, however, let him ramble on- more apologies, more nonsense, more tears. She separates the clichés from his genuine words and uses them as a trowel to help build her wall back up where he’d previously broken it down.

Rey tries not to compare him to Ben, because that’s not fair, but as he holds her hand, she can't help but notice how much larger Ben’s is, and when he strokes her face or her arm, she can’t help but remember how much softer, yet more electric Ben’s touch is. 

When Tai abandons the couch to use the bathroom, Rey watches him disappear down the hall and as soon as the door closes, she snatches his phone from the coffee table. She knows his passcode to be his birthday and unlocks it.

Rey searches for his Contacts app and scrolls through until she finds Ben’s details. She selects his name and then clicks ‘Share Contact’ to text it to herself. She hears the sink running in the bathroom and as soon as her own phone vibrates with the information, she deletes the evidence of the sent message from his phone and locks it before setting it back in place on the rectangular coffee table.

When he returns to the couch and places his hand on her thigh, it dawns on Rey that she didn’t even think to look for evidence of his infidelity. 

\--

By the time Rey returns to her own apartment, she’s exhausted. Calling out her roommate’s name, she’s thrilled to find she’s alone. She’s not sure how she would begin to tell Rose that Tai had cheated on her. It came so easily when she told Ben, but the thought of telling her best friend makes her physically sick.

Rey feels mentally, physically, and emotionally drained and she isn’t sure how to unpack her day in the slightest. 

So, she pours a glass of red wine and draws a bath.

Upon waking up this morning, her plans certainly did not include losing her virginity to someone other than her fiancé on a day other than that of her wedding. As she sinks into the steaming water and allows her head to lull back against the tub’s ledge, she finds it’s all she can think about.

The devotion Ben put into every kiss, every touch. Every time he asked her if she was okay, and checked to make sure it was what she wanted. The way he stroked her and the things he said to her. 

The way he _worshiped_ her. 

All she wanted from Ben was for him to fuck her, take her stupid virginity, and get it over with. She didn’t realize when she asked him for it, that he would be so passionate and committed to actually making it pleasurable for her.

Her leg twitches underwater.

She’d been with Tai for four years and his half-hearted attempts at going down on her tended to be a birthdays and special occasions type of event, despite being with her for so long, and despite loving her. 

Ben, on the other hand, practically begged her to let him make her feel good, and she inhales deeply as she remembers the way his tongue felt on her, how his lips vibrated against her when he moaned, completely enthralled with the task at hand.

But Tai had been with her through so much- her adoptive mother passing last year, and learning the harsh truth of her real parents in the process. He knows all of her quirks, her ticks, her issues, and he loves her in spite of those things. He makes her laugh so hard, no sound comes out, just air, and it sounds fake, but when her cheeks and abdomen start to ache, she knows it’s not. 

Rey sees the bath water ripple from her fallen tears before she feels the streaks on her face. 

Reaching for her phone, she rereads Ben’s email once more. She takes a large gulp of her wine and pulls up her text messages.

**Rey** : Hi Ben, it’s Rey. Um, thank you again for today. I’m sorry I left my coat.

**Ben** : Rey, hi! That’s okay. How did everything go with him?

The fact that Ben refused to say Tai’s name was not lost on her.

**Rey** : I was actually hoping I could take you up on your offer to look at the vendor contracts?

**Ben** : Absolutely. I’m in court all day Monday, but Tuesday morning looks good for me if you can make that work. Say 11am?

**Rey:** That’s perfect. Thank you, Ben. Truly.

**Ben** : Anytime. Please let me know if you need anything else. Anything at all.

When Rey crawls into her bed, her heart is racing and there is an exceptionally vivid pounding in her ears. It beats her temple and her jaw and it smells like confusion but it tastes like relief.

The continued thumping causes an unsecured brick to fall from the wall around her heart.

\--

Early Tuesday morning, Rey tucks her most flattering blouse into her best pencil skirt. She changes her underwear, opting for a thong to avoid pantylines. She digs in the back of her closet for her most expensive heels and when she finds that her eyeliner has run out, she borrows her roommate’s.

She only owns two lipstick colors- a sensible peony pink that goes with everything. And a red. 

She opts for the latter. 

Mid Tuesday morning, Rey delivers a budget presentation at work. She is prepared because she’s been researching and prepping for it for a week and a half. She feels confident in her material and tells herself that the outfit she’s chosen for the day is to appear polished and professional for her address.

And, surely, it couldn’t hurt to look professional when visiting an attorney’s office, right?

Late Tuesday morning, Rey meets with Ben Solo. She has most of her contracts and questions at the ready, a white binder tucked under her arm. Her expensive heels click on the sidewalk as her wedding binder digs into her side almost painfully with each step. 

As Rey approaches Ben’s office building, she feels her lungs contracting in her chest. Once inside, she takes the deepest breath she can conjure and takes the elevator to the 10th floor as he instructed. In the privacy of the elevator car, she removes her compact and red lipstick from her purse, taking care to paint her lips, and wiping the excess off her Cupid’s bow with her pinky finger. 

Her nerves stand at attention. She can feel the blood rushing throughout her body, her heart pumping hard and fast. 

Flashbacks from Sunday night had plagued her consistently and without warning over the past day or so and as she enters suite 1004, she can practically feel his hands on her. She missteps as a surge of arousal causes her cunt to clench on a memory.

A cheerful brunette receptionist greets Rey upon her arrival. She is young, and Rey is immediately taken aback by the massive engagement ring on her finger, the diamond’s broad diameter allowing hardly any skin to show above the knuckle.

Rey says she’s here to meet with Ben Solo and the receptionist nods. Her thin finger slides down her computer screen and she taps it. “Yes, I see it here. Are you Rey? I’m Jyn, it’s nice to meet you.”

Rey nods as the receptionist picks up her phone, and dials four numbers before Rey hears him come through on the other line. Ben’s deep voice strikes her, even as she receives it second-hand and she wills herself not to think about the way he breathlessly panted her name in her ear less than 48 hours ago.

“Hi Ben,” the receptionist says. “Your eleven o’clock is here. Rey Johnson?... Okay, I’ll bring her back.”

Rey follows swiftly, walking down the narrow corridor past several closed office doors and a kitchenette. She holds her wedding binder tightly against her chest until they reach a door at the end of the hallway, adorned by a nameplate reading, “BENJAMIN SOLO, Attorney at Law.” 

Jyn taps three times and pushes it open. The door is thick, at least 2”, and when Rey enters his office, she tries to look around, she attempts to take in her surroundings, but all she can see is Ben, sitting behind his desk, staring intently at his computer screen.

“Rey,” Ben says standing up as soon as he sees her and Rey forgets how to exhale. He buttons his suit jacket before rounding the corner of his desk to greet her. “Thank you, Jyn,” he says as she closes the door behind her with a soft click, leaving the two of them alone in his office.

He reaches for her.

“Hi Ben,” she replies, carelessly tossing her wedding binder onto his desk before wrapping her arms around his neck, her forearms relaxing on his shoulders like they’ve lived there in a past life.

As soon as the smell of his cologne hits her, a warmth spreads between her legs, flashbacks of his head between them filling her mind’s eye. They hug for several seconds longer than necessary and when he finally pulls away, he places his hand on her lower back to guide her toward his desk. 

Rey sits down, immediately crossing her legs at her ankles. She squirms as he runs his hand through his hair, and she tells herself she needs to pull herself together. She’s here for business.

Whatever happened at his apartment was a one-time deal, like she said. 

He agreed. 

“Anytime,” is just a figure of speech, afterall.

Ben smiles at her, unbuttoning his suit jacket before sitting down. Rey opens her wedding binder on his desk and flips to her _Contracts_ tab. After turning the divider, she begins pulling various clumps of papers from page protectors and passing them across the desk, explaining what each one is. Venue, photographer, flowers, videographer, DJ, ceremony, officiant.

Ben’s eyes widen as she spreads them out before closing her binder. “I… wow, I guess I never realized how much goes into planning a wedding,” he says. Rey nods as he picks up the venue contract. “Alright, let’s see here.”

He lifts his glasses from the open case where they rest beneath the left of his dual monitors.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” she says.

He chuckles. “Yeah, just when I’m reading. I hate them but it’s not worth it for me to get contacts.”

“You hate them?” Rey asks. “I love them.”

“You do?”

She nods, and he smiles. She’s not sure it would be appropriate to tell him she thinks glasses are sexy on men, so she smiles back. 

Ben’s attention turns to the contract in front of him and Rey’s attention turns to his hands. His fingers curl around the back of the page; they’re so long, they’re nearly touching. She exhales, remembering what those hands are capable of and she crosses one leg over the other. She moves her head, but her eyes stay locked on his wide wrists, his perfectly manicured nails, and his thick knuckles. 

“Rey?” he asks. She only hears him when he lowers the page and obstructs her view of his hands.

“Sorry, what?”

“Do you have any communication you could send to me? Emails, text messages, voicemails… anything like that?”

“Oh um… p- probably. Emails and texts, yeah. I can send those to you.”

“Great, send them to this email address.” He slides one of his cards across the desk and she reaches for it. 

“I have one more contract,” she says. “But I only have a hard copy and I can’t find it. It’s for the company who was doing our uplighting, linens, decorations, things like that. And that’s a big one because I had to pay it in full.”

Ben frowns. “You only have a hard copy? They didn’t email the agreement to you?”

She shakes her head. 

He sighs. “Okay, well, let me know as soon as you find it.”

Rey sits in silence as Ben reads. Occasionally, he types something on his computer, referencing one of her contracts, but for the most part, he reads line-by-line with his black ballpoint pen designating which line he’s digesting. 

She studies the way his glasses sit perched on the bridge of his nose, sliding down at a glacial pace until he pinches the earpiece and pushes them back up. She loves when they slide down because over the top of his frames, she can see his eyelashes shifting back and forth as he surveys the page and it reminds her of how his eyes scanned her body, and made her feel like the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Ben looks up occasionally to ask her questions about who signed the checks for these services and if they’d been cashed. He asks her if he can mark up the pages and she watches as his pen underlines and circles.

The pen he’s using looks comically tiny in his hand. She sees him look up and start talking to her, but her gaze is locked on the mere inch and a half of the pen cap that pokes out from his massive grip.

When he places his glasses on the desk, she looks up.

“Alright, so upon first glance, I’m pretty sure I can get your deposit back from the venue and the catering company. I’ll send them a nasty-gram with my esquire signature and typically, they’d rather refund than get their own legal departments involved because they’re such big companies and don’t wanna deal with a couple grand, you know?”

Nodding, she pretends to look at the pages scattered across his desk.

“The photographer isn’t going to happen- you signed a clause saying if you cancel for any reason, the deposit is non-refundable, and if you cancel within 30 days, you’d still owe half of the remainder. You’re 94 days out, so if you cancel now, you’ll only lose the deposit, thankfully. Videographer is the same since it’s the same company… and DJ… I’ve honestly never seen a more poorly written contract in my life. I can try sending a letter for you, but I don’t know what’s gonna happen there.”

Rey nods and sighs.

“I’m sorry, I wish I had better news for you.”

“No, it’s okay,” she says. “The fact that you might be able to get anything back for me is huge. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” he says, standing up. “I’ll get those letters out this afternoon.”

Rey stands up, and is taken aback by how, even in heels, Ben towers over her. He seems taller, somehow. 

Her eyes remain locked on his as he rounds the side of his desk and approaches her. Like the first, this hug lasts a few seconds too long and Rey is slow to pull away from him. She drags her hands over his shoulders and rests them on his chest, the fabric of his suit jacket stiff under her fingers. It registers that his hands are still on her hips as his gaze bounces from her lips to her eyes, back down to her lips, and lingers. 

Inhaling deeply, she breathes in that damn cologne and finds the strength to take a step back. Her hands aren’t even an inch off his chest when he grabs one of her wrists and pulls her against him. Rey sighs as he leans down to kiss her, squeezing her hip with his other hand.

Her fingers make a fist as she leans into the kiss, pressing her body against his. Ben backs her up against his desk and she moans as her ass hits the ledge. Removing the hand on her hip, he plants it on the desk next to her to steady himself. When she reaches up to wrap her arms around his neck, he places his other hand on the opposite side of the desk, caging her in. 

“Ben,” she pants. “We shouldn’t.”

With her forearms crossed behind his neck, every inch of her body is pressed against his and his scent consumes her, intoxicates her. 

“You’re right,” Ben tells her as he reaches for her skirt and bunches it up over her hips to her waist. 

His lips are on hers again as he grabs the backs of her thighs and lifts her, easing her onto his desk. The surface is cold on her ass and thighs and she gasps into their kiss as he spreads her legs so he can step between them. With her feet suspended, one of her heels clops to the floor; the other falls when she wraps her legs around his waist and crosses them at her ankles. 

“Fuck, Rey,” Ben breathes, tearing his lips off of hers for air. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

“That was…” she starts as he leans into her, pressing his lips to her neck and Rey moans, tangling her fingers in the hair at the back of his neck, holding him against her. “...a one time thing,” she finishes.

“I know,” he mumbles against the skin of her neck. Rey feels a pinch beneath her ear as he sucks harder and she prays he didn’t mark her above her clothes, but as he continues to lick her there, she’s certain he did. 

Peeling his torso off of hers, his hands reach for her blouse and tug it up and out of the waistband of her skirt. Rey lifts her arms straight up to allow him to pull it off of her, and he tosses it to the floor.

“But I can’t get your perfect tits out of my mind,” he admits, his hands finding them and squeezing them probably harder than he means to. 

Her head falls back as a puff of air escapes her lips and Ben attacks her throat, licking a strip between her collar bones up to her chin and pulling her face to his so he can kiss her mouth again. 

Rey’s certain the lipstick she so meticulously applied prior to coming here is all over the both of them, but she finds it so hard to care when his fingers search for the front clasp of her bra. “Back, back, back,” Rey pants as he feels around her with one hand, pinching her clasp to pop it open. 

Before her bra even hits the floor, his hands are on her, his thumb tracing the faint bruise he’d left there on Sunday and he smirks. Rey’s hands are anchoring her behind her back, holding her at the perfect angle for his mouth to descend. 

Ben wraps one arm around her lower back and holds her in place while his lips wrap around one nipple, his free hand playing with its twin. 

“Can’t stop thinking about how good you felt. How you took my cock so perfectly,” he says against her skin. “How I was your _first_.” The hand wrapped around her lower back grips her possessively.

Rey’s hips cant involuntarily at his words and he reaches between them to push the fabric of her thong to the side, his finger sliding through her slick folds swiftly. “Ahh,” she breathes as he swipes her clit.

“Fuck, Rey, you’re so wet. Did I do this to you?”

She fears using her words because she knows something along the lines of, ‘we should stop,’ will escape, and that’s the last thing she actually wants, so she nods in response and he growls before kissing her mouth again. Rey grips the lapels on either side of his jacket and holds him against her as one of his fingers slips inside of her. She moans into his kiss, her fingernails nearly puncturing holes into his suit as she leans back a bit more, allowing him more access to her body.

As he holds himself over her with one hand planted on his desk, a second finger joins his first. He begins pumping them gently, slowly, and it’s not enough for her. Although, after having his cock inside of her, she’s not sure _anything_ will ever again be enough for her.

“Ben, please,” she tears her lips off his long enough to whisper.

“What do you want, baby?” he asks, his voice deeper than usual. “Do you want me to get you off right here? In my office? On _my_ desk?”

She nods, as he swipes his thumb across her clit, earning a gasp from her. Ben captures her bottom lip between his as his fingers fill her to the knuckle and she moans. “Rey, you have to be quiet though,” he tells her, withdrawing his fingers. “Can you do that?” he asks, bringing his fingers up to her mouth. His now dripping fingers prod her bottom lip gently and she nods as she makes eye contact with him, taking the tips of his fingers into her mouth. 

He pushes them further inside and she wraps her lips around him, her wetness allowing them to glide with ease between her kiss-swollen lips as she sucks them deeper into her mouth, using her tongue to clean them. Ben watches her bob her head until he can’t stand it anymore and withdraws his hand from her.

She immediately misses the weight of his fingers on her tongue.

With her skirt still hiked up over her hips, Ben has no issue tugging her thong down her legs, and as soon as it hits the floor, Rey pulls his face to hers, bringing their lips together again. As his tongue forces its way into her mouth, he shimmies his suit jacket off of his shoulders and throws it in the general direction of the black leather couch on the west side of his office.

Groaning when his mouth leaves hers, he attaches his lips to the side of her neck, kissing her there relentlessly. While he sucks, Ben undoes the button at his right wrist and rolls his shirt sleeve up as high as possible with one hand, his mouth finding her nipple a moment later.

“Ben,” Rey breathes, her hand clutching the hair on the back of his head and pushing his face more diligently against her breast. As soon as he has the opposite sleeve rolled to his elbow, Ben drops to his knees and nudges her knees further apart, putting her glistening cunt on display for him. 

“Fuck, you spread your legs so perfectly for me, sweetheart,” he says and as though he’s unable to wait a second longer to taste her, he thrusts his tongue inside of her, his nose nudging her clit, and she nearly screams his name. 

“Shh,” he manages to tear his mouth off of her long enough to say. “Rey, my whole office is going to hear you.”

Rey didn’t even know it was possible to get eaten out like this, yet here’s Ben, on his knees in his own office, dress shirt sleeves rolled to his elbows, desperate to get her off. He grips and adjusts one of her legs, throwing it over his shoulder. Pulling her ass closer to the edge of the desk, he dives deeper into her, his tongue filling her, licking her, devouring her, and it takes everything inside of her to keep quiet as she throws her head back, her eyes squeezed tightly, mouth hanging open desperately.

“You have the most perfect pussy,” he whispers against her. “Fuck, you taste so good.”

She knows how precariously she’s perched on the edge of his desk, but she can’t be concerned as he works, thrusting his tongue in and out of her repeatedly, slowly at first, then picking up the pace before sucking on her clit. 

That’s when the hand she’s using to steady herself behind her back slips and she knocks her wedding binder off his desk, the heavy book falling to the floor with a clamor.

Ben laughs from between her legs, and shushes her again but he doesn’t stop.

While he sucks her swollen nub, he raises his left hand, inserting two fingers inside of her simultaneously. Rey bites down on her lip as the cool metal of his watch rubs against her inner thigh and as soon as she looks down at him, she wishes she didn’t, because she whimpers louder and more high-pitched than any of her desperate noises at the sight of him so focused and determined. The muscles in his forearm bulge and contract with each thrust into her and she wants nothing more than his fingers in her mouth again.

Without stopping his motions, Ben looks up at her and reaches his right hand up to cover her mouth. It's as though he read her mind; Rey smiles against his palm and clutches his wrist. When she takes the webbed skin between his thumb and pointer finger between her lips and sucks at it desperately, she feels her walls clench around his fingers and he groans.

She moans again, but at least this one is muffled. Ben brings a third finger to join the other two and slowly pushes them inside of her. In response, Rey bites down on his hand and in response to _that_ , he digs the fingers of the hand on her face into the hallows of her cheeks _._

“I’m close,” she cries.

Ben groans and whether it’s from her admission or her teeth sinking deeper into his hand, she’s unsure but as his lips vibrate against her clit and his three fingers stretch her so deliciously, it’s all she can do to clutch his wrist and hold his hand against her own mouth to muffle her moans and cries as her orgasm crashes up her body.

Ben is relentless in his pursuit to make it last as long as possible, continuing to lap at her and flick his tongue out against her clit as she pants above him until she can’t take it anymore. Eventually, Rey uses her opposite hand to thread her fingers through his hair and push his face off of her. 

He looks up at her, around the obstructed view of her wrist and continues to pump three of his fingers in and out of her slowly while her leg twitches, still resting on his shoulder. Rey is panting above him, her lungs unable to hold the oxygen her body requires as her chest heaves up and down. Her grip on his wrist loosens as he drags his hand down to her breast, his palm coated in her hot, wet saliva. He holds his hand over her heart and she’s so much more aware of how fast it's beating with him catching the palpitations.

She slides her calf off of him and he slowly withdraws his fingers as he stands up. In the fluorescent lighting of his office, she can see his lips and chin glistening with her juices. He wipes his mouth with the back of his free hand. 

Clutching his tie just below the knot, she pulls him to her and slams his mouth to hers. She can taste herself on his tongue and she clenches on air. Rey loosens the tie from around his neck as he takes control of their kiss, leaning into her, anchoring one hand on the desk beside her. Ben places his other hand, the one that had been inside of her, on her thigh, allowing her to feel how wet she’d been.

Once his tie is undone, her tiny fingers get to quick work on his belt and she nearly has it undone as he lifts his left arm above her shoulder and opens one eye to check the time. He groans as he pulls away from their kiss. “Shit… fuck,” he says, his right hand reaching for hers, stopping her motions. “I have to get to a depo.”

“But-”

He kisses her again. “I’m sorry.”

“I can be quick,” she promises with a wink. “I’m good at _that_.”

Ben closes his eyes and groans. “Sweetheart, as much as I want to see your pretty little mouth wrapped around my cock, I needed to leave five minutes ago.”

“Are you going to be okay?” she asks, looking down at the obtrusive, probably painful tent in his slacks.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he promises, cupping her face with both hands to kiss her again. She sighs into the kiss. “Don’t worry about me. I would eat you out all day with no expectations if you’d let me.” He kisses her more intently and she moans, melting into the kiss. “Come over tonight.”

She stays silent. 

“Please,” he says as he nibbles on her ear. “Come over. Stay the night. We can do this all night long.”

When his desk phone rings, he sighs and pulls himself off of her. “Hi Jyn,” he says, answering it, running his hand through his hair aggressively. “I know, I’m leaving right now, thank you for the reminder.”

Rey slides off the desk and pulls her thong up her thighs, adjusting her skirt as best she can. She has to hunt for her bra and slips her now wrinkled blouse over her head before tucking it back into her skirt. As she dresses, she eyes Ben rolling the sleeves of his dress shirt back down to his wrists and buttoning them.

“Are you going to happy hour this week?” he asks, picking her binder up off the floor.

She shrugs. “Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t think I have the energy to deal with that. Are you going?”

Ben cleans his watch face with a tissue and says, “probably not. I haven’t gone in weeks.”

“I know,” she says. “Everyone’s been wondering why.”

She says ‘everyone,’ but they both know she means Tai. 

“Wanna do something else?” Ben asks. “With me?”

She swallows at his suggestion as she takes a brush out of her purse and attempts to calm her wild hair. 

He looks at his watch again. “Okay, I really have to go. Come on, I’ll walk you out,” he says, putting his suit jacket back on and buttoning it. Rey collects her purse and he, his briefcase. She follows him out of his office wishing she’d looked at herself in the mirror prior to rejoining the world. 

“So, let me know when you find the hard copy of that other contract,” Ben says as they walk through the law office lobby. 

“I will,” Rey promises. “Hey, what do I owe you? Or how does this work for today?”

“You don’t owe me anything, Rey,” Ben says, pressing the button for the elevator.

“No, please, Ben.”

“The whole point is to get you your money back.”

“It’s your job to help people get their money back. That's how _you_ make money!” she exclaims. “Please, I-”

“Come to dinner with me,” he says. She tilts her head at him. He throws his hands up in surrender, his briefcase dangling. “Just dinner.”

“Can I pay at least?”

“No,” he says laughing as the elevator doors open.

  
“Can I buy drinks after?”

“Oh,” Ben says suggestively. “There’s going to be drinks after?”

She laughs and looks at the ground as he presses the button for the first floor. 

“I’ll tell you what,” Ben says. “If you let me take you to dinner, I’ll let you take me for a drink.” 

Rey likes walking next to him, she realizes, as the elevator doors open and they walk through the building’s lobby side-by-side.

When they step onto the bustling street, Rey stops and turns to him, stepping forward to give him a hug. Ben beats her to it as he leans in and whispers in her ear, “all I’m going to be able to think about in this depo is my mouth on your pussy.” Her knees nearly give out at his words as he wraps an arm around her, hugging her casually. “Bye, Rey.”

\--

After finishing her nightly routine, Rey crawls into bed. She illuminates her phone to set her alarm and her lock screen informs her that she has two waiting text messages- one from Ben and one from Tai.

She clicks Ben’s text first and feels a blush rise on her cheeks as she curls her toes beneath her duvet.

**Ben** : My whole office smelled like you for the rest of the day. I’m never going to be able to sit at my desk the same.

Before she can reply, another message from him comes through.

**Ben** : On a business-related note... I sent those letters off for you when I got back, so I’ll let you know when I hear back. If I don’t hear anything by next week, I’ll send a 2nd notice.

**Rey** : Ben, thank you so much for your help. I really truly appreciate it.

**Ben** : Anytime, Rey.

  
**Ben** : And I mean that. ‘Anytime’ isn’t always just a figure of speech 😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey lost her v-card on Sunday, so the natural progression is for her to get eaten out in Ben's office on his desk on Tuesday... right?
> 
> Ready for the angst train? Because it departs the station in chapter 3. Eek!


	3. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've updated the tags to reflect manipulation/gaslighting and alcohol. Just a head's up!

Rey Johnson cannot stop thinking about sex.

As a 25 year old woman with, what she believes to be, a healthy libido, she’d been inclined to think about it often. For years, she speculated what sex with Tai would be like- to actually go there with him, to feel every single piece of him in relation to her and inside of her.

They were often fleeting thoughts that came and went. When she was alone, she would satiate the urge on her own or she would find Tai and have him get her close enough where she could finish the job herself. Sometimes, it was enough to just have him touch her, even if an orgasm wasn’t in the cards for her that time. She was manically attracted to him and she loved him.

Her friends spoke about sex in front of her. Swapping one-night stand horror stories and giggling when one of them got it _so good_ last night. Rey always participated in the conversations, but never contributed much.

Now that she’s had it, and with someone who behaves like his only mission in life is to get her off, sex is her singular notion. Even when she tries to focus on work, or fixate on a television show, she blinks, and she sees him.

Flashbacks plague her every other thought- images so clear, she can almost feel his hands on her, his cock inside of her, his breath drowning her. She smells his cologne constantly, as though she herself wears it on her neck, and hears his groans so clearly, she looks around to see if anyone else catches them, too. With every bite of food, she tastes his lips and with every sip of water, she gets notes of herself on his tongue.

She feels like a teenager all over again.

When Rey was 16 years old, she made the decision to save herself for marriage.

Growing up the way she did- in and out of foster homes, getting adopted as a moody and hormonal pre-teen, Rey always craved balance, stability, and power in her relationships; fearing if she can’t control the relationship, she will lose it. 

She’d had her heart broken throughout high school by boys who claimed she was too clingy for someone who wouldn’t go all the way. Maybe it was true; while her upbringing made her resilient, it made her fall in love that much faster. 

Rey perpetually let people in and no matter how many of them hurt her or left her, she on no account gave up hope. She continually gave pieces of herself away to anyone who would take them. 

Only a few of those people stayed. 

Her best friend (more like a sister), Rose, who she met in Algebra class in junior high. Rey and Rose both excelled at math and were referred for Honors Geometry the following year. Then there was Finn, who taught her how to make coffee on the day she moved into her college dorm and she helped him with Calculous. When Finn got serious with his boyfriend, Poe, Rey added him to her circle as well. 

Rey truly loves these people. They are the family she made for herself. 

It was the first day of her Junior year of college when Tai stumbled into her life. They met at a bar and when she’d finally worked up the courage to tell him he had the most lovely blue eyes she’d ever seen, he beat her to it, saying she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

He asked for her number and texted her that night when he got home. They had their first date the following weekend. By date four, Rey could tell he was getting antsy. Hands wandered lower, kisses grew in passion and in desperation. 

Rey liked him more than she’d ever liked anyone and she was terrified to tell him on date six that sex wouldn’t be an option with her until marriage. She explained how willing she was to do everything else, but that one piece is something she wanted to keep for herself until she could give it to the right person. 

She’d given so much else of herself away.

Tai didn’t try to talk her out of it, nor did he pressure her. Rather, he expressed how important sex is in a relationship. She nodded, she understood. But she needed this last piece. She needed to make sure it was going to the right person. He needed time to think about it. She nodded, she understood. 

It was a rainy Wednesday evening when Tai showed up at her door with a Netflix subscription in her name and a grocery bag overflowing with popcorn, candy, snacks, and cheap wine. 

“Well, I guess we’re going to have a lot of Netflix without the chill nights.”

Rey laughed and they kissed for hours that night. 

When he told her he loved her for the first time, just a month after he’d appeared at her door, he told her that he really didn’t have to think about it for too long because the thought of living without sex was difficult. But the thought of living without her was unbearable. 

Oral and manual sex got them through their four years together. Some nights were harder to abstain than others- birthdays after presents, New Year’s Eves after champagne, and the hardest one of all- the day they got engaged.

There was absolutely nothing easy about her decision to abstain. In the years she’d been with Tai, she’d nearly given in a million times- so close, both of them naked and panting after engaging in what she now realizes was barely mediocre foreplay. 

But Rey always stopped it in time. Just as he was ready to push, she pulled. She wanted to. She loved him and she wanted to _feel_ him. She wanted them to feel good together, to laugh, and tumble, and fuck just because they could. Just because they belonged to one another and that’s what people who belong together do. 

She’d wanted to do it with him more than almost anything. 

But what she wanted above all of that was to ensure she gave the final piece of herself away to the right person- her husband.

Because what Rey wants more than anything is her own little family. 

\--

Rey doesn’t get many visitors at work. As a corporate accountant, she doesn’t have much need to. So when the new receptionist calls her and tells her she has a visitor, Rey is mildly confused. 

She knows who she hopes it is, so she can maybe return the favor in her own office.

And then maybe they would be even. 

“Oh, it’s your fiancé,” the receptionist says into the phone and Rey sighs before telling her to send him back to her office. He knows where it is.

“Hello, beautiful,” Tai says, stepping through her door, a Starbucks cup in each hand.

Rey looks him up and down discreetly, taking in his dress shirt tucked neatly into his slacks, his belt buckled pristinely, and his shoes shining so perfectly, she can see the reflection of her ceiling in them. 

She despises how beautiful he is.

Her eyes follow him as he rounds the corner of her desk and leans against the edge. She tries to think of anything other than Ben going down on her with her own ass perched precariously on the edge of his own desk.

Now is _not_ the time for her brain to be sending her flashbacks of that nature.

Tai places one of the paper cups in front of her. “It’s your favorite,” he says, smiling. She thanks him quietly and takes a sip, and she hates that he’s right. It is her favorite winter drink- a peppermint mocha. She abhors that he knows her favorite drinks for every season.

“How’s your day going?”

“Fine,” she replies. “What are you doing here, Tai?” 

“I came to see you,” he says. “How’s your morning so far?”

“It’s fine, I said. Do you need something?”

Tai frowns and his blue eyes widen and she feels a twinge of guilt for her tone. He did bring her a coffee, after all. She detests how easily his eyes can break her.

A knock on Rey’s door shakes them from their moment and it opens. “Hey, Rey, do you- oh! Hi Tai! How’s it going? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Hey, Jannah, how have you been?” Tai says sweetly, standing up.

“I’m great!” she says. “Rey, I was just wondering when you needed those pivot tables?”

“By end of day is fine,” Rey says. “Thank you, Jannah.”

She nods. “Sounds good. Tai, good to see you! I feel like the last time I saw you was before you two got engaged. So, congratulations!”

Tai thanks her before she leaves, closing the door behind her and Rey rolls her eyes at him. “Rey, I just wanted to see you. I… I miss you. God, you have no idea how much I miss you. This has been the worst week of my life.”

“Oh, wow, has it? I feel so sorry for you,” Rey replies flatly.

He frowns. “Baby, I’m so sorry, I can’t say it enough. Come to happy hour with me tonight. Please? We need to get back to normal. We need to get back on track. To the way things were. Especially with the wedding so close.”

“Tai, we’re not getting married,” Rey says as her phone vibrates on her desk. The screen illuminates with a text message notification.

“Well, we haven’t decided that yet,” he says, glancing down at her phone. 

She sighs. “We have decided that. There is no way in absolute hell that we are getting married. Especially not in ninety days. I’m already working on getting some of the deposits back.”

He doesn’t seem to register her words because his focus is on her phone and he furrows his brow. “Why is Ben Solo texting you?”

Panicking, she flips her phone over. “I don’t know,” she lies. “We’re not talking about that right now, Tai. We’re talking about us.” She waves her hand between them.

He glances at her left hand. “You’re not wearing your ring again.”

Damn it, she really needs to remember to get her coat back from Ben. 

“Tai, I don’t know why you think we would still be together after you… after you did what you did. I mean, you _cheated_ on me. How can I ever trust you again?”

“Because it will _never_ happen again, Rey,” he says. 

“How do I know that?”

“It was such a one-time stupid thing, it shouldn’t even count. I love you so much, and it was honestly just a stupid fleeting thing, I swear.” He picks her hand up and places a kiss to her palm. “I love _you_ , Rey. Only you.”

Tai plants kisses up the length of her arm, and she tries not to smile when he reaches her neck. “I love you,” he repeats. “And I know you love me. I know you do. And I’ll spend our whole lives making it up to you, you’ll see. I’ll be the most perfect husband, and an amazing father.” Rey swallows at that. “Just… just come to happy hour with me tonight. Let me show you. We’re perfect together. We _belong_ together, Rey. We’re our own little family, remember? We were going to get a puppy when you move in, and start our life.” He kisses her neck beneath her ear and she lets her eyes close. “Our little family.” 

“Tai,” she whispers, opening her eyes.

“Come out with me tonight,” he says, cupping the side of her face in his hand; Rey leans into his touch. “Like old times. I’ve been doing research on how to… on how to recover from something like this and one of the things that’s recommended is to fall back into your old routine and do things we used to do together. So, please, will you come with me tonight? Please?”

She nods carefully. 

“You’ll come?” he nearly shouts, eyes wide, and smile stretching toward his ears. “You’ll come with me tonight? Really?”

Rey can’t help but let out a little laugh as he pumps his fist in the air. “Alright, baby, this is great! Ugh, Rey, I’m so happy! Okay, so I’ll come here at five and we can Uber together,” he says before kissing her forehead and sliding off her desk. “I gotta get back to work but- ugh! I can’t wait for tonight! I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Rey sighs when he leaves her office and she attempts to channel all of her focus and energy on her work. Her phone vibrates again and when she flips it over, she sees a second text from Ben has come through.

**Ben:** Hey, Rey! Any chance you found that other contract?

**Ben:** Also, when can I take you to dinner/you take me for a drink? Are you free tonight?

Rey starts typing a response and then deletes it. Her fingers get to quick work typing out something else, but she erases that, too. She sets her phone face-down and locks it. She nearly bites her entire thumbnail off while she pretends to work before finally texting him back, only answering one of his questions.

**Rey:** I’ve been looking everywhere for that contract! I’ll let you know as soon as I find it.

She desperately needs to forget what it feels like to have Ben Solo’s head between her legs.

But her memory is relentless as it pushes the most evocative images to the front of her mind.

She takes a sip of her peppermint mocha and swallows her desire with it.

\--

True to his word, Tai arrives at Rey’s office at 5:00pm on the dot. He promises tonight’s on him, and Rey tells him it better be, because she’s about to be out quite a bit of money from the unrecoverable wedding deposits. He takes her hand in his as they walk and reminds her that they haven’t officially decided anything regarding cancelling just yet. 

When they arrive at the bar, she’s relieved to see a few of their friends are already there- Rose and her boyfriend, Hux, are pushing tables together for their massive group. Finn and Poe are arguing over a game of darts and a few of Tai’s friends who, like Ben (at least up until a couple of days ago), are still a bit of a mystery to Rey... even after all this time.

Thursday happy hour had been Tai’s tradition with his buddies for as long as she could remember. Eventually, Rey wormed herself into the mix and started inviting her friends to join them as well. She never paid much attention to Tai’s friends when she had her own tagging along, but their collective happy hour group had grown so large over the years, they’d taken over nearly an entire corner of the bar. 

Management didn’t mind because they put the tables and stools back where they belonged, and being an accountant, she could assume that the group’s weekly tabs contributed a generous chuck of the bar’s rent every month. 

“What can I get you to drink?” Tai asks her as they approach the bar.

As she contemplates, one of his friends shouts his name.

“Go say hi, I’ll get our drinks,” Rey says.

“Are you sure?” Tai asks. She nods. “Alright, I’ll take a Captain and Coke. Thanks, babe.”

He kisses her on her temple, hands her his credit card, and abandons the bar to join his friends. When the bartender approaches Rey, she orders Tai’s drink, a margarita for herself, and a shot of Patron with salt and lime. 

The bartender confirms that she only wants one shot. She nods. Put it on a separate tab. Close out the separate tab, keep the one with the mixed drinks open.

In her mind’s eye, Ben is on top of her, kissing her as his hand explores her naked body, teases her nipple, bruises her hip in his grasp.

When the bartender returns with her shot, Rey glances in the direction of her fiancé and friends. Tai is laughing, his head thrown back, his ice blue eyes visible to her from across the bar. 

Rey’s tongue stiffens when she licks the salt off of the rim before throwing the shot back. The tequila burns her throat as she sucks desperately on the lime, the citrus mellowing the shock of the liquor and scrubbing that image from her thoughts.

By the time she dumps the rind into the shot glass, the bartender has returned with her drinks. She thanks him, signs the tab for the shot, keeps Tai’s tab open, and heads to their tables in the back.

Rey sips at her margarita absentmindedly, twirling the lime wedge pierced by a toothpick around the surface as Rose rambles on about moving and how excited she is to take this step with Hux, but how sad she is to be leaving Rey, but she’s so excited for Rey because she’s _getting married_ , and will be moving in with her _husband_ , and what’s more exciting than that?

Rey is going to need an inhaler after this conversation.

When Rey finishes her first drink, she places her empty glass on the table and waits for Rose to take a breath so she can excuse herself to get another one. She can be patient, but if she wants to keep this buzz going, she’s going to need another drink soon. 

Rey glances up toward the bar in an attempt to manifest another cocktail since Rose is apparently going for the gold medal in rambling without breathing when the door opens. 

All of the oxygen abandons Rey’s lungs as his silhouetted form appears, the door closing behind him. His wide, toned body takes up nearly the entire entrance, and he runs a hand through his hair as he steps inside.

He sees Rey and grins. 

She clenches on thoughts she shouldn’t be thinking. Memories she shouldn’t have made.

At first, he gives her a toothless smile, the corners of his plush lips creeping slowly toward the sides of his face, and when she returns the gesture, his lips part, and his eyes crinkle, and his smile lines encase his mouth like parentheses. 

When he smiles at her like that, she wants more thoughts, more memories.

Rey doesn’t notice Rose stop talking or the margarita that magically appears in front of her, and it’s not until Ben’s smile fades that she realizes Tai has taken the seat next to her. He plants a kiss to her temple, and she allows the force of his kiss to push her head to the side.

She swallows and Ben turns to the bar.

“Thank you,” Rey says, gesturing toward her fresh cocktail. “I’m gonna run up to the bar and get some napkins.”

She vaguely hears Tai say something about having extra napkins on the table, but she’s already halfway to the bar, completely possessed by Ben’s presence. His scent stupefies her; his expensive aftershave and that exclusive cologne more intoxicating than any liquor behind the bar.

But she dabbed on some perfume today, too. She wants to drown him in it.

“Hi,” Ben says as she approaches. Their backs are to the rest of the group; he doesn’t turn his head to look at her. “I thought you weren’t coming tonight.”

“I thought _you_ weren’t coming tonight,” she replies, and she tries to sound calm, but her lips are tingling and she can hardly trust the tone of her voice.

“I decided I could probably use a drink,” he says with a shrug as he orders a beer. When the bartender walks away, Ben turns to her. “Did you come here with him?” 

Rey’s silence answers for her. 

The bartender removes the bottle cap and places the beer in front of him. Ben knocks on the bar twice. “I'm a fucking idiot,” he mutters under his breath, wrapping his hand around his bottle and she wishes it was her throat. He leaves her alone at the bar in search of their group.

Rey turns and watches Tai stand up. “Ben Solo! No way, I didn’t know you were coming tonight!” he exclaims, clapping hands with Ben and giving him a one-armed hug. “It’s been so long, man. How’s it going?

She flinches at the sight. Ben takes the seat across from Tai after greeting various friends and the bartender asks Rey if he can get her anything.

“A shot of Patron,” she says and pulls out her credit card. “Salt and lime. I’ll close out that tab right now.”

When Rey returns to the table, throat burning a little less than it did after the first shot, Tai pulls her to sit next to him and she falls like a doll at his side. She tucks her hair behind her ear and reaches for her margarita, licking some salt off the rim before taking a sip. Ben’s stare is hot on her face, she can nearly feel his gaze burning two perfect holes into her like a snakebite as she sets the glass down and fingers the toothpick holding her lime wedge in place.

“Rey, you’re so quiet tonight!” Rose says suddenly.

“Just tired,” she lies and Ben takes a big gulp of his beer. Rey pushes her thumb down on the point of her toothpick.

“Rey’s been working overtime on wedding stuff lately. Man, you never know how much goes into a wedding until you’re the one doing it. Right, babe?”

Ben throws his head back and downs the rest of his beer as Rose asks. “So, what’s new with wedding planning. Ah, I can’t believe it’s only three months away! My maid of honor dress came in yesterday! Let me show you a picture.”

As Rose reaches for her phone, Rey’s eyes stay locked on Ben, who seems more interested in peeling the label off of his empty beer bottle than listening to someone go on about a wedding that he knows isn’t happening. 

“Rose, it looks great!” Tai exclaims, taking the phone from her. “Rey, look. You picked out beautiful bridesmaid dresses.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Fuck this,” he whispers so quietly, only Rey can hear because she reads his lips. And she knows what those lips are capable of. 

Her face begins to go numb and when she blinks, her eyelashes rest on her cheeks a little longer than usual, taking a bit more time to open back up. She’s pretending to look at Rose’s dress, but she’s watching Ben order another beer through half-lidded eyes.

They open fully, however, exposing the entire diameter of her irises when she sees a petite brunette woman approach Ben and gently press her hand to his bicep. A brick falls through Rey’s chest when he turns to talk to her and runs a hand through his hair. 

The brick drops through her stomach and Rey nearly has to remove her cardigan due to the flash of heat that strikes her body. She presses her fingertips into her cheek as the brunette throws her head back and laughs at something Ben says.

“Uh oh,” Tai says, gaining the attention of the rest of their friends and pointing toward the bar. “Looks like Solo’s getting lucky tonight.”

“Which one is that?” Hux asks. “Is that Gwen?”

“Or is it that Bazine chick,” someone else says.

“No, I think it’s a new one?” Tai says.

“What does it matter?” Rey snaps. “Seriously.”

She stands up shakily and pads to the bathroom, her fingertips numb and heavy. While she pees, she can hear her breathing more than she can feel it, heavy and thick through her nose. She splashes cool water on her face and dabs at her skin with a paper towel.

Upon leaving the bathroom, Rey saunters over to the opposite end of the bar from where Ben may as well be fucking some other girl right then and there, and waves the bartender over as quickly as possible.

“Patron with salt and lime?” he asks. 

“Yes!” Rey exclaims louder than she meant to. “Oops, sorry, yes, please. Thank you so soo much for remembering!”

She passes her card across the bar and grabs the glass as soon as it’s dropped in front of her. This one goes down much easier after two preceding shots and two margaritas. 

On her way back to the table, she scolds herself. Ben was a one (read: two) time thing. She knows who he is and what he does with women, which is what made him the perfect candidate for her in the first place. Ben provided her a service, per her request, and now things are back to normal.

What else did she expect?

When she sits down, she swirls the fresh margarita waiting for her at her seat, courtesy of Tai, and digs her thumb into the toothpick holding her lime wedge once again. She takes a sip.

The bar’s atmosphere is a blur to Rey. The only thing in focus is Ben’s massive hand perched on the girl’s lower back, his pinky finger dipping beneath her waistband. Rey’s teeth are clenched so tightly together, her jaw is aching. Her hand is numb from clutching her margarita glass so tightly, the condensation is dripping onto her fingers.

She presses her thumb into the toothpick until it hurts. She wishes her grip would shatter the glass.

Ben leans down to whisper something in the girl’s ear and chills race down Rey’s spine as she desirously watches her bite her lip and nod before following him toward the door. 

“Hey, Solo!” Tai yells with a laugh. “Nice of you to join us!”

Ben throws a middle finger up in his direction, and Tai laughs, but Rey knows it’s not a joke. 

“Classic Ben, am I right?” Tai says to everyone. Sighing, he continues, “that guy, I swear… he’s the best.”

The rest of the group laughs and Rey swallows her longing with her tequila. She attempts to conjure an excuse to go to the bar so she can grab another shot, but her legs feel too heavy, so she lets her head loll back against the bench’s backrest and closes her eyes. The bar’s noisy atmosphere prevents the room from spinning too badly, and Rey relishes in what little scent of Ben still lingers in the air. 

“Rey, are you okay?” Rose asks.

“Mmm fine,” Rey replies, smiling. “Jussst great. You know- you know what I need though? Where’s… where’s Tai? Tai!”

When he immediately abandons his game of darts to come over to her, Rey is pleasantly surprised. “Hi, can you please get me a shot of tequila? Patron?”

“Uhh…” Tai starts, looking at Rose who’s violently shaking her head from side to side. “How about some water?”

“No,” Rey says. “No, I would please like a shot of Patron, please. Thank you. Tai, you have… you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, did you know that? Do you know how perfect your eyes are?”

Concerned, Tai approaches Rey and sits next to her. She sways, looking at him through slits. “Rey, honey, how did you get so drunk? You only had three drinks.”

“Mmm, I dunno,” she shrugs. “But I can tell you this- I’m not drunk enough because I still remember all of it and I need to not.”

Rose and Tai exchange concerned glances.

“I think you should take her home,” Rose says.

  
“No!” Rey exclaims. “No! I don’t want, ugh! That’s… that’s not what I want. No one’s listening to me. No one ever listens.”

It takes a significant amount of convincing to get Rey on her feet, stumbling toward the bar’s exit, swatting Tai’s hand away as he tries to help her. Once outside, Rey breathes in the cold air and finally feels some relief from the warm envy and resent she’d been sipping in the bar.

Tai looks at her. “Rey, baby, what is going on with you?”

Rey looks at him incredulously. “What’s going on with _me_? Me?! Tai, you… you cheated on me… I s-saw it. I literally walked in on you fucking her… I don’t know who... some girl, and I don’t know how you can possibly just act like… like the wedding is still okay. Like all of this is okay. I mean, we haven’t even told anyone. Rose showed us her fucking maid of honor dress. Jesus, Tai.”

“Okay, Rey, you’re really drunk, and you don’t know what you’re saying, and we need to get you home, okay?”

“I do know what I’m saying, Tai! You did this. You. You fucked her. You- you-” The buildup of tears finally spills over onto her cheeks. Tai wraps his arms around her and holds her to him. “You fucked her- a stranger, and you won’t even go down on me, your fiancé, and you loved me.” She pounds his chest with her fist, one punch accompanying each word as her sobs echo down the city street, loud and untamed.

“Rey, I _do_ love you,” he says.

She shakes her head. “No, you don’t. I think maybe you did. I think there was a time when you couldn’t possibly love anyone as much as you loved me. But… I don’t think you do anymore.”

Tai’s beautiful eyes break her down into a sobbing mess again. “It’s okay,” he says, holding her against his chest. “It’s okay, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

He takes her back to his apartment, and sits her at the kitchen table with a glass of water and some toast while he makes a call. She’s not trying to listen, but he’s standing just twenty feet away from her, pretending the bedroom walls are shielding her from his conversation in this tiny apartment.

_Can you close me out and sign my tab?_

_Yeah, leave a thirty perfect tip._

_Thanks so much, man._

_Yeah, she’s doing okay, just drank too much._

_I’ve got her, I’ll take care of her._

His words play on loop in her mind. He’ll take care of her. 

Like family.

She doesn’t want either the toast nor the water he set in front of her, but when he hangs up, he tells her she needs to finish both before she can go to bed and as soon as she takes a bite of her toast, she feels her mouth fill with saliva, her stomach knotting.

It’s a miracle she makes it to the bathroom, and nearly messes the toilet bowl, throwing up what feels like gallons of tequila, lime juice, and regret. Tai comes in as soon as he hears her, and she attempts to wave him off, but he holds her hair in one hand and rubs her back with the other as a second wave hits and she wholly empties the contents of her stomach.

Her throat and nose burn from the liquor and her teeth feel gritty against her tongue when she closes her mouth. Tai sets her against the bathroom wall and fetches her glass of water for her before making her toothbrush. She brushes her teeth on the bathroom floor and spits into an empty cup he provides.

Rey groans as he tucks one arm under her knees and his other under her back to carry her bridal-style out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. As Rey sits on the edge of the bed, she puts her head between her knees, the room spinning from the amount of alcohol still polluting her blood.

“Here, baby,” Tai says, tugging her shirt up over her head. Absentmindedly, Rey removes her bra, pinching the clasp in the back with one hand and as Tai moves to slip one of his shirts over her head, he stops. "What happened here?" he asks, pointing to the faint bruise on the underside of her breast.

  
The _hickey_ Ben had sucked into her skin before fucking her hadn't disappeared completely and when Rey whines, "I don't know. 'M so tired," Tai thankfully drops it.

He unbuttons and unzips her jeans, peeling them off of her legs while she lays back on the bed. Her body is liquid, conforming to whatever space it fills when he turns the blankets down and tucks her legs in first. “Do you need to throw up anymore?” he asks, crouching down and cupping the side of her face with one hand. Rey shakes her head. “Okay, if you do, you call me, okay? Sleep on your side, just in case.”

He rolls her onto her left side, and she snuggles up to the blankets, clutching onto them as though she’s falling off the earth. She hears him place her glass of water on the nightstand before her eyelids grow too heavy to stay up.

“Goodnight, Rey,” he whispers before kissing her temple. “I’m here.”

\--

When Rey wakes the next morning, her throbbing head is the first sign that she’s alive. Her muscles ache as she shifts in bed- her shoulders, her stomach, her thighs. She feels as though she fell off the roof of the bar, rather than drank its entire stock of tequila.

She throws her hair into a messy bun on top of her head as she pads into the living room. Tai is folding a blanket on the couch.

“Good morning,” he says. “How are you feeling?”

Rey laughs. “Um…” Her voice is nearly gone. She clears her throat. “I’ve felt better. Did you sleep out here last night?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs. “You were pretty upset with me last night. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I tried to take care of you though...” 

She sits down on the couch and rests her elbows on her knees, burying her face in her hands as she leans forward.

“What is this?” Tai asks, sitting next to her, running his thumb over the bruise beneath her ear.

The _hickey_ that Ben bit into her skin before eating her out in his office.

“Oh!” she exclaims, pressing her own fingers to the mark, pushing his away. “I- I burnt myself with a curling iron. I wasn’t paying enough attention, I guess.”

“ _That’s_ a burn?” he asks.

Nodding furiously, she says, “yeah, the barrel is you know… curved and hot, so the mark looks weird. You should have seen it right after. It’s much better now.”

Rey laughs nervously and a silence falls over them. Her lie makes her nauseated. She feels the sting of tears behind her eyes and while she can’t pinpoint at that moment why she would start crying, she really can’t say she’s surprised. 

Tai sighs before opening his mouth, “I know I fucked up, Rey. I do. But… I love you. I can’t live without you. I mean, do you really want to throw away the last four years and all of our plans and goals? You’ve always wanted a family of your own, Rey. We have that together. We’re already so close. Closer than ever.”

In spite of the tears falling from Rey’s eyes, she smiles. 

_Family_.

\--

Unsurprisingly, Rey is late to work that morning. She was able to shower and get dressed at Tai’s, thankful she had taken him up on his offer to leave some of her clothes in his bottom drawer. Although, considering it’s 10:45am, and she’s just now sauntering into work with quite possibly the worst hangover she’s ever endured, her clothes are really the least of her worries.

Her head throbs like a kick drum with each step.

When she enters her office, she plans to keep her lights off and work to the natural light peeking through her blinds. However, something catches her eye, and she flicks the switch to get a better look at the vase perched on her desk. Two dozen red roses greet her, baby’s breath spread throughout and in between the scarlet buds. 

She furrows her brow and approaches them slowly, as though they’ll bite her if she gets too close. A white card protrudes from the center of the display, perched on a clear pick. Rey flicks the card open and takes a deep breath as she sits down.

_Rey,_

_Can we please start over?_

_Dinner tonight. Just us._

Rey smiles when she looks at the roses again but she can’t help the disappointment that surfaces from who they _aren’t_ from. She supposes that’s not fair. 

Rey peeks at the card one more time and runs her thumb over the three letters of his name in the bottom right corner.

Her fingers dip into the tiny grooves filled with ink and she sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/UHadMeAt_Reylo) if you're interested in Adam Driver thirst tweets rivaling John Oliver's.


	4. Matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some added tags.

Rey lies panting on her bed, her toy still vibrating against the side of her clit, the low hum muted by her quick breaths as she comes down from her high. She contemplates pressing it back to where she needs it as she runs a hand over her breast, her hard nipple tickling her palm. 

She didn’t mean for this to turn into a long session. Her intent had been to just get off once- one quick orgasm in an attempt to shred the last bit of her hangover. However, the thought of coming for the fifth time is just too tempting to pass up since she’s home alone with nowhere to go on a Friday night.

Teasing herself a little bit more, she runs both hands up and down her body, gripping her tits roughly, wishing she could squeeze them as hard as Ben does. Her eyes open to cleanse her palette, pushing thoughts of Ben out of her mind; she shuts her eyes again and forces herself to imagine Tai’s toned body perched between her spread legs.

As she presses the vibrator to her clit, she gasps softly and holds it steady for just a second while her mind fills with thoughts of Tai. When her lungs start to require more oxygen and her legs start to shake, however, Ben works his way back into her traitorous mind. He’s on his back and she’s top of him; he’s squeezing her hips and telling her how good she is, repeating that she rides his cock so well, and that he was her first.

“Fuck,” she inhales as her cunt clenches on air and her fifth orgasm of the night rakes up her body, her mouth falling open and her head pushing back into the mattress while her nerves shatter and her legs twitch. 

Ben’s deep voice echoes in her mind, multiplying her pleasure as she bucks her hips into her vibrator. “Bennnn,” she moans. Eventually, she pulls her toy away due to overstimulation, her clit swollen and throbbing, her cunt clenching repeatedly.

Her head falls to the side as she powers down her vibrator and sets it on the bed next to her. Between her heavy breaths, shreds of guilt slip out into the bedroom air. She’s sure the room reeks of her but all she can smell is Ben’s expensive cologne and the distinct smell of their mixed sweat that wafted its way into her memory after their first (and most definitely last) time together.

Rey tells herself the reason she thinks about sex with Ben constantly is because he’s the only person she’s been with. She’s sure that if Tai took her virginity, she’d be thinking about his dick inside of her instead of Ben’s. 

And she tells herself that’s okay, too. Because he is the most recent person she’s done anything sexual with so he just happens to be at the forefront of her mind. 

Therefore, when he pops into her thoughts right after she gets started, it’s really through no fault of her own when her masturbatory subconscious is infiltrated with images of Ben touching her, kissing her, fucking her. She’s definitely  _ not  _ responsible for hearing him whisper praise and filth in her ear, his voice low and laced with arousal.

When her breathing calms, she changes into a pair of leggings and an old college sweatshirt before padding out into the living room, sex toy in hand. 

Rey removes the unscented soap from beneath the sink in their kitchen and scrubs her vibrator under warm water, cleaning it. She sets it down on a paper towel to dry when a text message comes through on her phone- she hears the notification from where it rests on the coffee table. 

It’s Tai and he wants to come over. He suggests a Netflix without the chill night like old times. Ignoring his text, she reaches for the remote control, planning on her own Netflix without the chill night. Glancing at the gorgeous roses on the side table next to her, she sighs. Walking into the display in her office was most definitely a surprise but now she’s grateful that the rich floral scent of the flowers covers the smell of her arousal… five times over.

She’s halfway through an episode of  _ The Office _ when her phone pings again. 

Rey isn’t sure how long she stares at the notification on her phone informing her that she has an awaiting text message from Ben. The irrational side of her fears that he knows she just got off five times in a row thinking of him and he’s going to say something self-depreciating again like, “I’m a fucking idiot,” and it’s going to hurt her just as much, if not more, to hear it.

Keeping it locked, she taps her phone, illuminating the screen every so often just to see his name pop up. 

She taps her fingernails on the hard surface of her coffee table and looks around the room before deciding to rip off the bandaid. Her heart rate speeds up as she opens his message. 

**Ben:** Hi Rey. I received your check today from the catering company.

Rey frowns. 

There’s no second message asking her about dinner, no emojis or innuendos. It’s straightforward and to the point.

That’s probably for the best, though. 

**Rey:** Wow! That was fast. Thank you, Ben. When can I pick it up?

**Ben:** I actually just left the office... it was a long day. I can swing it by your place if you’re home.

**Ben:** Or you can come by my office anytime on Monday. I’ll leave it with Jyn. Let me know what works best for you. 

The easy option is to have him leave it with Jyn, the receptionist. Rey wouldn’t even have to see Ben if she takes that route. She can slip into the office, grab the check and leave. She could then return to her very busy schedule which includes pretending that her life and future aren’t crumbling around her, and failing to inform anyone involved that the wedding is at the very least postponed. 

Or she could have him come over, obtain a fresh trace of his cologne and use that to fuel her weekend where she will pretend her life and future aren’t crumbling around her, and will refuse to inform anyone involved that the wedding is probably cancelled.

**Rey:** I’m home now. 

After sending her address, he confirms he’ll be there in 15 minutes. Panicking, Rey runs around the apartment, tidying and cleaning. She jumps in front of her bathroom mirror and wipes the smudged eyeliner out from under her bottom lashes. 

A knock at the door startles her and she contemplates changing her sweatshirt when she remembers her vibrator is drying on the kitchen counter. On her way to the front door, she wraps the clean toy in the paper towel and sets it in her junk drawer for safe hiding.

When she opens the door, all feeling drains from her face and she attempts to smile. Rey says hello and notices her forgotten peacoat draped over one arm. Ben looks tired, clad in his navy suit pants and a powder blue dress shirt, the top button undone and the sleeves rolled to his elbows.

A flashback of him rolling those sleeves up before going down on her in his office hits her and she has to bite back a moan at the thought. The muscles in his forearm bulge as he combs his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face, and providing inspiration for a sixth round. 

When she steps to the side, Ben enters her apartment, immediately handing her the coat. She thanks him quietly. He approaches her kitchen island, opening the Manila folder she hadn’t even noticed until now, explaining that he’d normally wait for all of her money to be recovered, but he knows she needs the cash sooner rather than later, so he’s happy to get it to her as it comes in.

Rey smiles, setting her coat on the island. “Ben, thank you. I-“

“Hey, it’s my job,” he dismisses with a shrug. 

“I know, but... there are a lot of moving parts in this situation and I really appreciate you helping me. Especially with Rose moving out, I’ll take all the extra cash I can get.”

Rey digs into the coat pocket as she speaks and plucks her diamond engagement ring from inside. Ben looks surprised that it had been housed there since she appeared at his doorstep almost a week ago. As she places the ring on the counter, the platinum band tings softly against granite.

He’s silent for a moment, like he’s not sure he wants to prod, but his curiosity apparently gets the better of him when he asks, “when is Rose moving out?”

Rey’s not convinced that’s the question he intended to ask.

“Next month. I think Hux is gonna propose soon because she always said she wouldn’t move in without a ring and they’ve signed a lease. I mean, she practically lives at his place anyway.” 

Rey pokes at her own ring on the countertop and sighs. 

“What are you gonna do?  Did you pay for all of these deposits yourself?” Ben asks. “He didn’t pay for anything?”

Rey can’t remember the last time she heard Ben say Tai’s name. It’s always  _ he  _ or  _ him _ .

“Well, he’s been paying for other things along the way. I just happened to be the one of us with a checkbook, so the vendor deposits fell on me,” she says. “The plan was to move in with Tai after the wedding. I mean… I have a good job and can definitely afford a new place but coming up with first and last month's rent and a security deposit is a bit much considering I’ve been hemorrhaging money for the wedding. Furthermore, I don’t want to dip into my savings for something that I shouldn’t even have to be dealing with in the first place.”

  
Tai cheated on  _ her _ , so why does it feel like she’s the one being punished?

Once she finishes her rant, she looks at Ben. Poor guy is looking at her with wide eyes, clearly overwhelmed by her admission. Rey closes her own eyes as she drops her chin to her chest. 

“I’m sorry,” she says. “That was so much to unload on you.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” he says softly. His body lurches forward but he stops himself before he can approach her properly. “Rey, if… if you want or need someone to talk to, you can come to me. Even if I can’t help, I can listen. I mean, I know we’re not… particularly close. But I’m pretty cued in on the situation at this point and… I dunno. If I can help, I will.”

Her eyes narrow in response to his offer. She doesn’t understand why he would bother. Tai loved her for four years and hardly listened to her. Why should Ben?

“Why?” she asks.

It’s not an accusation and it’s not out of suspicion. She asks of genuine curiosity.

“Because, Rey,” he says. “Because your feelings  _ matter _ , and you shouldn’t keep everything all bottled up.  _ You  _ don’t deserve that.”

She’s briefly taken aback by his words. Not that she doesn’t believe it for herself, but she’s certain no one had ever muttered those words to her. In Tai’s defense, he usually tries to help, he’ll brainstorm with her to solve her problem, but as soon as it’s resolved, it’s onto the next.

He’s never offered to just listen.

Their brief silence is broken when realization washes over his features. “I… am I the only one who knows what happened?” Slowly, Rey nods. “You haven’t told  _ anyone _ ?” She shakes her head.

“Jesus,” Ben says. “Well, for what it’s worth, we’ll be getting your venue deposit back, so there’s two grand there. I’ll probably be able to get the DJ deposit back, and did you ever find that other contract? Maybe I can recover that as well.”

Prior to Sunday evening, most of what Rey knew about Ben came from Tai. He’d always spoken very highly of Ben- one of the best guys he’s ever met, funny as hell, and really opens up once you get to know him. 

Another bit Tai shared with her regarding Ben is that he is exceptionally perceptive and remembers  _ everything-  _ birthdays, fun facts, books he read in the 10th grade. Allegedly, he has a vault for a mind that observes and stores, and she can’t help but wonder what he noticed about her  _ before  _ their night together. If he thought of her just as his friend’s significant other or if he’d ever thought about her naked.

If he had, she hopes she lived up to his expectations.

Now, she can’t help but wonder how much he remembers from their night together. As he stands in her kitchen staring at her, does he see her legs closing in on either side of his head, or her writhing, squirming body beneath his as he fills her to the brim?

She wonders if he feels it, too. When Ben is in her presence, they are magnets and their surroundings, a force field. It feels like he could pull her in any direction, drag her down any road; that lack of control should scare her, but it doesn’t. It feels comfortable. Even now, the way he’s looking at her- soft-eyed with his lips parted slightly and his hair falling into his face, she wants him to take control, to completely take her over, to allow her to be cared for and be worshiped. 

Be noticed. 

Matter.

His eyes tell her she’s beautiful everytime he looks at her. And everytime she looks into Tai’s eyes, she notes how beautiful  _ he  _ is.

“Well, listen,” he says. “I don’t know if you want my help or any more legal advice...”

“I’ll take what I can get,” she says with a half-smile.

He gives her the other half with his own mouth. 

“Well, you do have a couple alternative options to maybe get some of your money back.” Her eyebrows raise toward her hairline. “You could sue Tai for the remaining deposits- the ones I’m unable to recover.”

“I can sue him for cheating on me?” Rey asks. It’s not lost on her that the first time she hears Ben mutter Tai’s name is when he suggests she sue him.

Ben’s head falls from side to side as he contemplates how to explain the details. “Ehh… kind of. Since several companies are refusing to give you back your deposits, you could attempt to sue Tai, claiming that his actions led to the breaking of your engagement and you relied on his promise of marriage to your detriment. Because the marriage is no longer going forward, you have suffered an injury of sorts, due to his breach.” 

Rey’s eyes widen and she nods at his words. “I don’t know if I want to  _ sue  _ him. I mean… that’s kind of a lot.”

She emits that she remains unsure whether or not the marriage in fact  _ is  _ going forward.

“Well, then, you could also…” he pauses in an attempt to say the next part carefully. He, no doubt, realizes he’s disarming a bomb when he says, “sell your ring.”

Rey’s eyes widen. “My- my ring? Wouldn’t I have to give that back to him?” 

“Well, technically, no. An engagement ring is considered a conditional gift. He gave you that ring as a symbol or an agreement to be married. That contract-agreement was breached by Tai, therefore, the ring belongs to you.”

Nodding, she considers his words. That is a lot of information buried under a lot of legal language. Ben watches closely as Rey is suddenly transfixed by her engagement ring; it stares up at her from the kitchen counter.

With two careful fingers, she lifts it, staring into the diamond as though it will tell her what she should do, what she should think, how she should feel. The pendant lights above her kitchen island cause a million fractions of brilliance to bounce off the center stone.

She can feel Ben staring at her as she turns it in her fingers. 

“I picked this ring out,” she says quietly. Ben doesn’t blink. “We were out running  errands one day and he asked me if I wanted to go look at rings. I told him, no, I wanted to be completely surprised. I wanted to be caught off guard with a big proposal and a ring he picked out for me. I never had surprises or big celebrations as a kid, so that was something I dreamt of having out of a proposal. 

“He said that he wanted me to love it if I was going to have to wear it every day and I told him that I would love it no matter what, because if he bought a ring that reminded him of me, it would mean everything to me. The next time we were out and about, we wound up at a jewelry store and I chose this one. After it had been sized, we picked it up together and he asked if I just wanted to wear it and if we could start planning our wedding. That’s how my proposal happened.”

Rey closes her eyes and wills the tears threatening to fall away. When she inhales deeply, Ben’s cologne wafts in her direction, despite him standing several feet away. It brings her peace and she opens her eyes. 

He’s itching to approach her, she can tell. Nearly his entire body is vibrating. But he doesn’t. He stays where he is.

  
“Rey,” Ben says, shaking his head. “A proposal isn’t something that should just happen to you.”   
  


She shrugs. “I figured maybe it didn’t matter because I loved him and he loved me so who cares? And I do love this ring,” she says honestly. “It’s beautiful. I mean, I picked it out, right? Two-carat square diamond with a double halo. I sometimes wonder if… if he had picked the ring out, if he still would have done what he did. If he had taken the time to really do his research and look for something that’s unique and reminds him of me, if he would have- I don’t know. Nevermind, that’s dumb.”

Ben shakes his head but he doesn’t speak. 

“I don’t… I don’t think I can sell this,” she whispers, clutching it in her palm, her fingers hiding it from view, like it will disappear if it’s exposed for too long.

Ben wants to say something, she can tell, but he swallows those words and she watches his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. His eyes wander toward her living room, where he sees the vase full of roses perched on a side table; he nods toward them.

“Are those from him?” he asks.

Rey follows his line of sight in the direction of the roses she found in her office earlier that morning. She clears her throat. “Yeah, he uh… he’s trying to apologize.”

“Is it working?” Ben asks, his voice breaking toward the back-half of his inquiry. 

She looks into his eyes, searching for the question he’s really asking, the one hidden between those words, but she can’t find it. “I don’t know,” she says honestly.

“Well, you went to happy hour with him yesterday,” Ben says. “Why?”

Rey shrugs. “He asked me to.”

Ben swallows so hard, his entire neck swells as he looks down at his feet. “I asked you to do something in lieu of happy hour… with me.” Rey cocks her head to the side in confusion. “When you were getting dressed in my office on Tuesday after I ate you out on my desk,” he deadpans. 

She feels a heat fill her cheeks and looks off to the side. 

“Ben,” she says quietly. “I wanted to reciprocate, but you had to go.”

“Jesus, Rey, that’s not… I don’t care about that. And if you think sex is a tit for tat thing, then…”

He trails off, like he’s got more to say but he’s stopping himself, desperately trying to restrain himself from continuing. 

Rey doesn’t know what to say, so she just whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Ben asks her why but she thinks he just wants her to admit it and maybe she owes him that. 

“There’s just so much history there... with Tai. Four years of being together, an engagement, a wedding, planning the rest of our lives together. It’s- I don’t know- he’s really sorry and promised it would never happen again.”

Ben rolls his eyes, but then looks at her softer, like he regrets his action. “Does he know about us?” 

“No,” Rey replies. “I haven’t told him.”

He swallows. “Are you going to?”

She panics. If she doesn’t tell Tai, Ben might. So, she starts playing defense.

“Ben, there is no us. You made that perfectly clear last night.”

“ _ I  _ made that perfectly clear last night? You- you show up with him and start talking about a wedding that’s not even happening in three months with Rose.” He lets out an incredulous laugh as he runs a hand through his hair and holds it against his head. “I asked you to do something else with  _ me,  _ Rey. So don’t sit there and tell me I made anything perfectly clear to you, because on my end, things have not been clear since before you knocked on my door Sunday evening.”

“Ben, I don’t know, okay? This is all so much and I’m so confused.”

“What is there to be confused about, Rey? Let’s be honest here. Tai has always treated you like shit and it got so much worse after you got engaged. You don’t deserve that. You never did.”

”Well… well... things are getting better. He’s so sweet, and nice, and… and... attentive now.” She’s not sure who she’s trying to convince with her three adjectives that more or less mean the same thing. “Even brought me coffee yesterday. And… and the flowers today.”

“And how long do you think that’s gonna last? Rey, I don’t understand how you weren’t the center of his world every second you were around. Even when you weren’t around. I felt so bad for you.”

“You pitied me?”

“No, I don’t mean-”

“Wow, Ben. Good to know.”

Ben takes a deep breath and considers his words before speaking. “Tai was my friend, but I hated the way he treated you all those years. It was awful to watch.”

“Wow,” she says bitterly. “That must have been really hard for you.”

“Rey-” he starts to say but she cuts him off.

“Ben, this is too much, okay? I’m going through so much right now and I have all these decisions to make and... it’s just not that easy.”

“Not that easy? Rey, he  _ cheated  _ on you.” Ben says, his voice rising until he’s half shouting. “So what, then? You’re going to marry him eventually and you and I will be sitting across the table at the rehearsal dinner avoiding eye contact with one another because I fucked you before he did?” 

Rey’s head snaps back and she looks at him as though he’d just slapped her. Ben gulps. His voice lowers and breaks when he says, “we’ll never be able to see each other again.”

“I think you should go,” she says quietly.

“Rey-”

“Stop saying my name,” she tells him because if he does one more time, she’s not sure what she’ll do. “I really, really think you should leave.” There’s more confidence in her tone this time. Her voice is louder and she’s more sure of what she’s saying. 

Though it’s not what she wants. 

Ben stares at her and there’s nothing she wants more than for him to stay but she can’t handle hearing the truths she doesn’t want to hear. He turns on his heel and heads for the door. With his hand on the knob, he stops, like he’s going to say something and half-turns toward her.

She doesn’t wait for him to start talking.

“I’m not dumb, Ben,” she says to his back. “I know he cheated on me. I know what that means, and I know how it must look to you, an outsider, who apparently never knew much about our relationship, other than you felt bad for me. But here’s what I do know- Tai is the closest I’ve ever been to having a real family, and he’s comfortable, and he’s familiar, and… I’m sorry. I should have never asked of you what I did. I should have never come to your apartment Sunday night.”

“Rey,” Ben says quietly, turning just his head to look at her. “You’re right. I don’t know much about your relationship, other than what I’ve seen, and I saw him treat you like you were nothing for years in front of everyone, so I can only imagine how disregarded you must have felt behind closed doors. 

“He cheated on you and you came to  _ me  _ for something you’d been saving for him, you’ve got  _ me  _ looking over your contracts and getting your deposits back for you. On the other hand, you’ve got your maid of honor showing you her dress and you’re just nodding along.

“Why haven’t you told anyone? Why am I the only one who’s aware of what’s happening? Why am I the only one who knows this wedding isn’t happening in three months? 

“And why do I appear more concerned about the way he treats you than you do?”

Ben lets out a divisive chuckle as he shakes his head and looks to the floor. “Rey, you deserve so much more, but I can’t win here, and I know that. He’s got the history, he’s got the good memories. I don’t have any of that with you. Fuck, he gave you a ring. 

“If you haven’t left him by now, you’re not going to. So, for the other vendors, let me know if you just want me to see if I can get your date changed or postponed without penalty rather than getting your money back.”

Rey watches him walk out her front door and stares at the handle as it closes behind him. One of her hands finds her face and she clings to her eyes as tears pour from both sides, soaking her cheeks. 

Clutching her hand into a fist, she squeezes her two carat diamond with a double halo in her palm until it hurts and she doesn’t stop until she thinks she’s drawn blood.

-

Saturday morning finds Rey looking for answers in her coffee mug. She stirs her spoon around the ceramic rim. The thin layer of foam breaks apart, allowing the mocha color to seep through and she sighs. 

She ignores an incoming call from Tai because her coffee didn’t tell her to pick it up. Other than that, the coffee provides little insight, but it does burn her tongue and she supposes she deserves that. 

Bits and pieces of her conversation with Ben from the previous night replay in her mind and of the many valid points he’d made, the one that stands out the most is that she  _ matters _ . 

Rey counts for something, and when you matter to someone, you deserve the most.

The truth is, she doesn’t know what she deserves. She agrees it’s probably more than Tai’s given her over the last four years, but how much more? And in what capacity? 

She considers how important good sex and a partner who listens are and whether those two things weigh heavier than someone she has everything else figured out with. 

Her own little family.

She can picture it so clearly- returning from their honeymoon, moving into his apartment, adopting a puppy, and cooking breakfast together on Sunday mornings. Every Sunday morning.

She knows every inch of his apartment. 

Her life had been so unpredictable before Tai. She cherishes the stability they built together.

That comfortability  _ matters  _ to her. She  _ deserves  _ that stability.

A key in the lock of her front door shakes her from her thoughts; she doesn’t even bother looking up as Rose enters. Rey greets her, eyes still on her coffee. 

“Rose,” Rey says, taking a deep breath. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Always, babe! But maybe we can talk about it over mani/pedis? Can I interest you in a nail appointment?” The grin on Rose’s face tells Rey something is up. “Because when I was leaving Armie’s place this morning, he handed me his credit card and told me I should get my nails done.”

“Oh my god, Rose.”

“I KNOW!” she screams. “And tomorrow is our anniversary and he has a whole day planned for us. I mean, am I crazy to think he might be proposing?!”

Rey’s eyes fill with tears as she stands up and wraps her best friend into a hug. “Oh my god, Rose,” Rey says again. 

“Rey, are you crying?” Rose asks laughing. “It hasn’t even happened yet and we don’t technically know that it’s going to.”

When Rey eventually retreats to her room to change, she feels so guilty. She shouldn’t even be approaching the emotion of jealousy, but she can’t help it as she strips her shirt off. Rose is going to get a whole day of plans for her proposal. Hux is  _ so  _ in love with Rose, he would never even begin to consider cheating on her. At least, if he did, everyone would be shocked beyond belief.

Rey wonders what everyone’s reactions would be if she tells them Tai cheated on her. Frowning, she thinks they wouldn’t be very surprised. At least, when she told Ben on Sunday night, he didn’t seem flabbergasted. 

After tossing her pajama pants into her hamper, she hears her phone ringing from the living room. She yells for Rose to answer it.

“Rey Johnson’s phone, Rose speaking,” Rose says, causing Rey to laugh. “Oh hi! ...Oh my gosh it’s ready? ...Well that’s perfect because we were about to head out to run errands so we can swing by and pick it up today. ...Uh huh. ...Thank you!”

“We can swing by and pick what up today?” Rey asks, swinging her purse over her shoulder. 

“That was Wedding Belles!” Rose squeals. “Your dress is in!”

Rey swallows. “Oh. Well, we don’t have to get that today. Let’s just get our nails done and I can pick it up tomorrow or something.”

“No!” Rose says. “This is fate! Your dress comes in on the day I’m getting my manicure for my engagement?! I mean how perfect is that? We’ll swing by on the way to the salon.”

Smiling, she concedes. 

It’s not like Rey can bring up her own relationship problems with Rose teetering on the verge of a proposal.

Rey’s feet grow heavier with each step as they approach the bridal shop. She’s never felt a weightier door than this boutique’s as she pulls it open and steps inside, her best friend bounding behind her. Rose handles most of the talking because after they’re greeted by a young woman named Tallie, Rey can’t help but get lost in her thoughts. She looks so familiar, but Rey can’t quite place her.

Where does she know her from?

The girl is sweet, and very excited for Rey as she skips into the back in search of Rey’s dress. Rey mentions to Rose that Tallie looks familiar, but Rose just shrugs.

“Would you like to try it on?” Tallie asks, emerging from the back room, holding the gown bag high above her head.

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” Rey says.

Rose looks at her incredulously. “Yes, she does! Rey, you need to try it on. Are you crazy?”

Rey follows Tallie into a fitting room and strips. In a daze, Rey hardly hears Tallie talking about lingerie for the wedding night, and what she could wear beneath this style of dress. Rey uses Tallie’s shoulder for support as she steps into her ballgown. Tallie shimmies the bodice up over Rey’s hips and Rey subconsciously holds it at her breasts while Tallie gets to work clipping and zipping it in the back. 

Rey watches as Tallie removes the veil from the gown bag, beaming at her as she places the veil in Rey’s hair and guides her out of the fitting room. Rose gasps when she sees Rey and covers her mouth. Like a fountain, she starts spewing how beautiful Rey looks and that her dress is perfect, and  _ she’s _ perfect, and Tai is perfect, and they’re the perfect couple, and it’s going to be the perfect day.

Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

And Rey is perfectly nauseated as she steps onto the platform. And when she turns to look at herself in the mirror, she can’t bring herself to look at the dress or the way the veil wraps around her shoulders. Because her own eyes trap her gaze and the puffy purple bags beneath her lower lash lines spill all her secrets- the crying, the lack of sleep, the alcohol.

“Rey? Rey?” Rose’s voice finally snaps Rey from her trance. “Do you love it?”

Rey dares to give herself a once-over in the mirror and she bites her lip to distract her tear ducts as she nods. Her dream dress- the one she  _ doubled  _ her budget for, fits her perfectly. Placing her hands on her hips, the beadwork tickles her palms as she stares at herself. As Tallie carries on about corset bras, garter belts, and lace thongs, Rey can’t help the tears that spill down her cheeks, and she wishes she could think of anything else. 

The movie playing in her mind’s eye is Tai’s look of pure horror when she walked into his bedroom and heard him swear before scurrying out of bed while the blonde woman beneath him reached for blankets to cover herself.

“Rey, are you okay?” Rose asks.

Tallie smiles. “Oh, we get brides crying all the time. It’s so sweet when they see themselves. Rey, are you picturing yourself walking down the aisle to your  _ husband _ in this dress? The man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? What’s his name?”

When Rey doesn’t answer from behind her hands covering her face, Rose supplements. “Tai, his name is Tai. And they’re the cutest couple. College sweethearts.”

Tallie smiles. “Aw, that’s so great. I wish I’d found a partner in college because man, I’ll tell ya, it’s slim pickins out there these days.” Rose laughs as Rey sniffles, patting the tears off her cheeks with her palms. “I mean, just last night, I’m out at a bar, and I meet this hot guy, right?”

Rose nods along, fully invested in this story. Rey traces the sweetheart neckline of her dress with her finger.

“I mean, this man is  _ gorgeous _ , and it turns out he’s a lawyer. He’d just come from the office and was still dressed for work.” This piece of information catches Rey’s attention. “And he’s so tall, with long thick hair, and he just looks built, you know? Massive arms, huge hands. So, we’re flirting up a storm and he’s so sweet and funny and he asks me if I want to head out.” 

Rey’s heart rate speeds up considerably as she realizes where she recognizes Tallie from. 

“What was his name?” Rey asks, taking Tallie and Rose by surprise. Rey hasn’t said two words about her own wedding dress, but she asks the name of the sales girl’s hookup. 

“Uh, Ben,” she says off-handedly and Rey’s face goes numb at her words. “So anyway, he pays my tab, and we leave the bar, but when we get outside, he tells me he forgot he had an early morning and actually needs to head home. He calls me an Uber and sends me on my way.”

Rose groans and rolls her eyes. “That sucks! Do you think he was lying?”

“Totally,” Tallie says. “He seemed so distant as he was saying it, but I don’t know what brought it on.  _ He  _ was the one who asked me to leave with him. So weird. Anyways, Rey, are you ready to get that dress off so you can take it home?”

Rey was absolutely ready to get this dress off.

Prior to Sunday evening, most of what Rey knew about Ben came from Tai. Since, she’s seemingly learned more about Ben in just four days than she’d learned about Tai in four years.

At least, she’s learned the things that  _ matter _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thank you to my legal council, [Meg](https://twitter.com/hereforthefic) for all of the attorney language advice. Without her guidance, Ben would sound like the worst lawyer ever! I appreciate you, friend. 
> 
> One chapter left before the epilogue... eek!
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/UHadMeAt_Reylo) thirsting over Adam and Dark Rey.


	5. Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: tags have been added

The buzz of the manicurist’s drill bit is shrill in Rey’s ear but she can hardly feel it as it files down her nail. She stares at the coat rack in the front of the salon displaying a white garment bag with her wedding gown tucked neatly inside. Her lip rests comfortably between her teeth because it’s been there so long, her incisors have cratered either side of her bottom lip. They nestle in deeper as she restlessly chews on it.

The poisonous smell of acetone fills the air and she hopes it sinks into her dress, melts the lace and disassembles the tulle. She wants to rip the beads from the dress’s bodice and sabotage her veil with a bottle of red lacquer. She’s tempted to do just that when she stands in front of the polish wall, scanning the exhibit of bottles, avoiding rows of maroons, reds, and oranges.

Noting that Rey seems quiet, Rose continually asks if something is wrong. Rey promises she’s just tired and that work has been outrageous lately with multiple year-end deadlines rapidly approaching. Technically not a lie, just not the whole truth. 

Rose clearly doesn’t accept Rey’s answer, but it wouldn’t be fair of Rey to inundate her best friend with a week-long soap opera the day before her engagement.

In the Venn diagram of her mind, she compares things they’ve both told her. Tai tells her that he can’t live without her and that she’d be throwing away their family, as though him fucking someone else plays no part in that. 

Meanwhile, Ben tells her that she deserves more and that her feelings matter, but that leaving the man she’d been in a relationship with for the past four years should be an easy decision.

And somewhere in the middle, she agrees that they’re both wrong. The amount of time and energy they’ve spent on her feels excessive. She supposes it makes sense for Tai to be spending any millisecond of freetime attempting to get back in her good graces. Though, part of her wonders why he’s even bothering.

And Ben? She’s spent hours attempting to figure out what’s in this for him, because even after seemingly admitting feelings for her last night, he  _ has  _ to know that it’s not that simple. That even if she does leave Tai for good, call off the wedding, and bury that chapter of her life, it’s not like she can just run and jump into Ben’s arms so he can carry her off into the sunset.

...right?

Right, of course, because she  _ should  _ take time for herself. To be alone and to grieve that relationship. To figure out what’s next for her and her new life. Maybe get a little wild and actually find a new place to live.

Rey’s shaken from her thoughts as her cell phone vibrates on her nail station. She licks her lips when she sees it’s Ben and before she can contemplate how she’s going to answer the call, Rose peers over. “Why is Ben Solo calling you?” Rose asks. “That’s random.”

The nail tech tells Rey she can answer it and Rey apologizes to her, explaining that it’s her lawyer. She gets waved off before stepping onto the street to answer the call. On her way out the door, she oversteps, avoiding her hanging wedding dress at all costs.

“Hey Rey, listen,” he says immediately. “Do you have the carbon copy of the check you wrote your DJ? Or any electronic receipt of payment going to him? Because I’m working on your stuff now and I just got off the phone with him. He says he has no record whatsoever of you or your date. He says he doesn’t remember signing your contract because he never received a deposit from you.”

“That’s crazy, I definitely paid him! I’ll see if I can find it on my bank app, I guess,” Rey says. “Wait, are you working on a Saturday?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Not uncommon for me. And I can’t exactly work on this stuff during business hours since I’m doing it pro bono.”

“Ben, let me pay you. Please. Please charge me like a normal client.”

“I… no, Rey. It’s fine. I’m not going to charge you for this. It’s really not that much work.”

“It’s enough work that you’re doing it on a Saturday!”

“Rey, I made a commitment to you that I would do everything I can to get your money back. And I meant that. Although, I will suggest that if you do wind up pushing the date back, that you don’t go with this particular DJ.” A silence falls over the call. Ben eventually breaks it, “have you um… have you given any thought to that?”

Rey catches sight of her gown bag hanging from the coat rack through the window and sighs. 

“I don’t know. I’m just… I’m so…”

“Confused, I know,” he says, the irritation in his voice discernible through her earpiece.

She’s getting pretty damn sick and tired of his condescension. 

“Look, Ben, I’m trying here, okay? But I’ve got so much on my mind, I’m drowning.” she says. ”If you would have just fucked me like I asked you to, this would have been so much easier.”

“I did fuck you like you asked me to, Rey. I’m sorry if I exceeded your expectations.”

“I just meant-”

“I know what you meant.” 

Ben sighs; she remains quiet. 

“Look, you know how I feel about you at this point, so I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’ll be okay if you go back to him. But if you do, please make sure it’s what you  _ want _ , Rey. Not what you need, not what you think you should do for whatever reason, but please make sure it’s what you truly  _ want  _ for yourself.” He stops talking and she can hear him breathing into the phone. “Alright, I gotta go finish this up. Let me know if you can find a record of your payment. Bye, Rey.”

He hangs up before she has a chance to respond. Staring at her black cell phone screen, Rey wishes it would tell her what she should do.

When she turns to reenter the salon, she discovers a wide-eyed Rose just outside the door. “Um… did I just walk out here to overhear you say you  _ fucked _ Ben Solo?”

Rey groans, thrusting the heavy door open and allowing Rose to enter first. They return to their nail stations and Rey begs Rose to let her explain everything after her proposal, but Rose is way too curious, and quite frankly concerned. She needs to know what’s happening and she needs to know  _ now.  _

With a heavy sigh, Rey explains everything, including that she initially went to Ben for answers, but couldn’t resist him. That she not only wanted to take the privilege of her virginity away from Tai because she was so angry, but that she genuinely  _ wanted  _ Ben. Her fiancé had waited four years to fuck her and he couldn’t wait three more months. 

After realizing that her own fiancé didn’t have the decency to wait, she didn’t want to either.

Rey proceeds to tell her about Ben aiding her in getting her deposits back and that they… had another ‘moment,’ as Rey so eloquently put it, when she went to his office. 

“Is all of this why you got so drunk at happy hour?” Rose asks. 

Rey rolls her eyes. She wishes she could forget that night. “I was so stressed, Rose. And sad. And Ben was all over that girl, who, by the way, was the sales girl at the wedding dress shop!”

“No!” Rose exclaims.

“Yes!”

“So he didn’t go home with her?” Rose asks. “What does that mean?”

Rey shrugs and looks down at her in-progress nails.

Rose shakes her head. “I’m gonna fucking kill him! How dare he cheat on you? Rey, why didn’t you tell me?”

Rey shrugs. “I didn’t want you thinking about all of this with your big day tomorrow.  _ That’s  _ what’s important.”

“No, Rey,” Rose says. “ _ You  _ are important. You’re my sister. You’re my family.”

Rey stills at Rose’s words. That reminder, the verbal confirmation from Rose, rather than her own subconscious, meant absolutely everything.

She isn’t alone. 

“ _ Please _ tell me you’re not getting back together with him. You don’t need that, Rey. You deserve everything! Someone who knows what he has when he has you, and gives you the world.”

Rey laughs. She’s pretty sure she’s heard the word ‘deserve’ more this past week than she has in her entire life. Nibbling on her bottom lip, her teeth fall into the still-embedded divots

Tallie’s conversation plays over in her head. Rey pictures Ben apologizing to her on the street and paying for her Uber home. 

It’s in that moment that she voices for the first time- “No, I’m not getting back together with Tai. I’m done with him. I’m done. I’m done. We’re done. I can’t be with someone who would do that to me. I’m done.”

Rose nods and reaches for Rey’s hand, holding her until their nail techs needs them to let go. It feels good to admit out loud, to herself and to someone else that she will most definitely  _ not  _ be getting back together with Tai. Regardless of the deposits, or what’s easiest, or what she thinks she should do… or Ben.

“So where does Ben fit into all of this?” Rose asks, as though she can read minds.

Rey can’t help but smile at the mention of his name and it’s not lost on her best friend, who raises her eyebrows toward her hairline. “I don’t know,” Rey says honestly. “Because… I’m pretty sure he has feelings for me. But, I know my indecisiveness is hurting him. I just… I just feel like I shouldn’t get into something right now. Like I should need time to be alone, you know?”

Rose shrugs. “Saying you ‘ _ feel  _ like you  _ should’ _ sounds like you clearly don’t care much for that option. What do you  _ want _ , Rey? Because there’s no formula here. There’s no right way to deal with this, you know? No guidebook on how to handle your fiancé cheating on you. You have to do what’s best for you. And you don’t owe Tai anything.” Rey nods, considering her words. “Ugh!” Rose exclaims suddenly. “How could he have done this to you? Rey, seriously why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Embarrassment, shame, fear, being alone, wasting time. 

She’d been with someone who promised to love her forever, and proposed marriage to her, and made plans with her… and then cheated on her.

And she most definitely knows she doesn’t want  _ that _ .

\--

The sunlight bleeding through Rey’s curtains wakes her on Sunday morning. She stretches and glances at her phone on the nightstand. Her engagement ring rests next to the glass of water she’d taken to bed with her and as she studies it, her stomach flips up into her lungs, knocking the air from them.

It’s scorching as Rey gingerly sets the ring in her palm. The diamond sparkles when she rotates her palm, allowing the sunlight to reflect off of its surface and she sighs. Just when she thinks she’s all cried out, she feels her throat ache, and the backs of her eyes sting. Looking up at the ceiling, she wills gravity to keep her tears at bay. 

She takes a deep breath in, makes an O with her lips and exhales forcefully.

She knows what she has to do.

The journey to Tai’s apartment is not a short walk, and it’s freezing outside, but it helps her refill her lungs, it distracts her from acknowledging the pit in her stomach as well as the hole in her heart, and it allows her eyes to feel the prick of something other than tears.

When Rey arrives at his door, her phone vibrates in her purse. Happy to delay the impending conversation, she takes her phone in her hand and opens Rose’s text message to find a selfie taken by Armie. Rose is holding her left hand up to the camera, a pear-shaped diamond hiding most of the skin on her ring finger between her knuckles. 

Another text follows with instructions- 

**Rose:** Come to Poe and Finn’s at 6:00pm to celebrate! If you’re up to it. I TOTALLY understand if you can’t. This timing is not ideal. But I love you. Call me if you need me, sister xoxo

Rey inhales deeply before responding. 

**Rey:** Congratulations!!!!!!!!! OMG, I’ll be there, I can’t wait to squeeze you both!!

Rose’s text provides the fuel Rey needs to rip the Band-Aid off. Because Rey wants to be as happy as Rose is in that picture.

Rey knocks sharply on Tai’s front door. Two sharp blasts are all it takes for him to open it. He’s clearly surprised to see her, and when he reaches for her, she pulls back. He looks at her, hurt, and she refuses to even glance at him as she steps into the apartment that was supposed to be theirs.

Clinging to her phone for support, she places her purse on the kitchen counter and turns to face him.

“Tai.” She makes the mistake of looking into his eyes and falters. “I ca- I can’t… I can’t do this.” He looks at her, his eyebrows meeting just above his nose in confusion and she sighs. “I can’t… I can’t be with you after what you did.”

“Rey, I-”

“Let me finish,” she says and he closes his mouth. Her entire body trembles with adrenaline, her teeth chattering and arms vibrating. “I have spent the last week agonizing over this. You’ve hurt me, you’ve embarrassed me, and you put me out a few grand in the process. I can’t go through with this. Not after what you’ve done.”

Her hands are shaking so violently, she has to cross her arms over her chest to keep them stable. “This is over. And you’re not going to sit there and tell me we haven’t decided anything yet, because I have. I’m done.” 

Tai opens his mouth to speak, but Rey beats him to it. Shaking her head, she continues, “Tai, our relationship has been nothing but waiting for the next milestone, the next anniversary, the next big step, and I don’t think I can live the rest of my life like that. I want the  _ now _ , I want the passionate Tuesday. I want someone who thinks about me so much and so wholly that… he can’t even  _ imagine _ anyone else.”

Rey is well aware that sentiment goes both ways, and the amount of time she’s spent thinking about Ben over the past week only propels her point.

“I just… we clearly don’t have that. And you know what? I’m okay. It’s a hard thing to accept, Tai, that I wasn’t enough for you. But I’m okay.” She takes a deep breath. “Because I’ve realized that actually… you’re not enough for me.”

“Rey, tell me what I have to do. Please. Please tell me- I’ll do anything, I’ll… I’ll… we can go to therapy, we can take a vacation, we can… we… can we sit down?”

When Tai’s eyes fill with tears, Rey’s chest hollows. She clenches her jaw and vows she’ll stay strong. She needs to do this for her. 

Nodding, she follows him to the couch, placing her cell phone face-down on the coffee table and sitting as far away from him as physically possible. 

He slides closer to her as soon as she gets somewhat comfortable and his voice breaks, “Rey, please don’t throw this away. I don’t… I don’t know how to live without you.”

Rey shakes her head. “I’m not throwing anything away, Tai.  _ You  _ did when you invited that girl back here, and didn’t change your mind.  _ You  _ fucked her anyway.  _ You  _ wouldn’t have done that if you truly didn’t know how to live without me.”

Rey watches the tears fall from his beautiful blue eyes and she sighs. They had been together for so long that he was and always will be a part of her. 

Hurting him hurts her.

If she shoots him, she falls as well.

But here, she knows she has to carry on. Deep inside, she feels as at peace as possible after ending a four-year long relationship. 

Rey knows that because he brought that girl back here, he’s going to be just fine. Because she knows that if she felt as though she couldn’t live without him, she wouldn’t have seduced Ben. 

“Rey, I thought things were getting better, I thought this week was good and we were improving. What changed?”

“I realized what I deserve.”

“You deserve a family, Rey. Isn’t that what you want?”

She nods. “I do, Tai. I do want that so much. But not like this. Not with someone who can’t put us first.”

He buries his face in his hands and Rey tells him she’s going to gather her things. She packs up the clothes from her drawer, removes her backup makeup from his bathroom, and reaches for the fleece blanket at the foot of his bed. 

It’s hers, actually. She bought it. But she leaves it. He always loved that blanket.

When she walks out of his bedroom, he’s still on the couch, his hands buried in his hair as he stares at the ground. 

“I am sorry,” he says without looking at her.

“I know,” she replies, and when he looks up, she knows he’s not just referring to the cheating. 

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks. “For you to stay with me.”

Rey shakes her head. “You had a million chances every day for the past four years to get me to stay with you, Tai. And I know I’m not innocent in all of this. I probably could have been a better partner, too. But I  _ always _ tried. Looking back on the past couple of years, it feels like you gave up somewhere along the way. And if you felt differently, you should have talked to me before fucking someone else.” 

She gathers her purse off his kitchen counter and slings it over her shoulder. 

“I do love you, Rey. I’ve loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

She nods. “I know. But I think we both loved the idea of the life we were building more. I know I did.”

His chin falls to his chest at her words and she’s grateful she can’t see his eyes. 

“Goodbye, Tai.”

When Rey leaves his apartment, she decides to walk again. She isn’t sure why her adrenaline is pumping as hard as it is, but every inch of her body is on fire inside of her coat. When she breathes, she can’t feel the sting of the air and the only indicator of the temperature is that she can see her breath as she exhales.

She returns to her own apartment as if on autopilot and lets herself in the door. It’s only 2:00pm, but she’s  _ exhausted _ . 

Dropping her purse and her belongings on the floor of her bedroom, she flops onto her bed. She’s cold but too tired to pull the blankets up over herself, and she allows sleep to take her uncovered body.

\--

When she wakes from her nap, she searches frantically for her phone, tablet, watch, anything that will tell her the time. 

The only thing on her nightstand is her engagement ring and that’s not going to give her any good news.

She barely has time to focus on the fact that she can’t find her phone when the stove informs her it’s already 5:40pm, and she needs to get to Finn and Poe’s ASAP. A change of clothes and a touch of blush will have to do, Rey decides. She brushes her hair as she approaches the door and leaves her hairbrush on the kitchen counter. Once on the sidewalk, she digs through her purse, shuffling for her phone, and confirms it’s missing. 

Maybe it fell out when she dropped her purse to the floor?

Unfortunately, time isn’t on her side and she needs to book it if she wants to be somewhat on time. 

The soiree is small and elegant; just a few of their closest friends. Gold and silver streamers hang from the ceiling, framing the sides of the room, masquerading their small apartment as a celebration-worthy venue. 

Rose immediately throws her arms around Rey’s neck and Rey smiles, returning the gesture. She hugs Armie as well, squealing over Rose’s gorgeous diamond. She chats with them for longer than appropriate considering how few people are actually here wishing to speak to the happy couple, but they don’t move on until Rey convinces Rose she’s fine. 

“Ben’s here,” Rose says quietly, searching Rey’s face.

Rey looks around frantically, and then confusedly at Rose. It’s not that he’s  _ not  _ friends with Rose and Armie. It’s just that when Rey’s friends and Tai’s friends all shared a corner at Thursday happy hour, the two groups tended to stay separate. So, it is mildly surprising that Ben would be invited, let alone show up, but based on the look on Rose’s face, his invitation was exceptionally calculated.

Rey spots him before Rose can point him out, near the side of the kitchen island that’s masquerading as a bar for the evening, several liquors and mixers on display. A red plastic cup is dwarfed by his massive hand as he pours whiskey over ice. Hiking her purse up on her shoulder, Rey takes a deep breath, stands up straight, and saunters over to him.

Maybe it’s best if she doesn’t have time to overthink what she’ll say to him. 

Maybe she can follow her instincts and go for what she wants.

“Hi Ben,” Rey says, approaching him.

Ben sets the whiskey bottle down and looks up at Rey, looks behind her, on either side of her. She assumes he’s looking for Tai.

“Hi,” he replies.

“How- how are you?” she asks.

He furrows his brow and releases a tiny incredulous laugh. “Uh, fine. You?”

“I’m well,” Rey says. A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips and she nods. “You know what? I  _ am  _ well, I’m great actually. I think I’m actually really really… okay.”

“That’s… great?” Ben says hesitantly.

Rey nods. “Yeah, it is great.”

“Did you get my text?” he asks, cocking his head. When Rey returns his question with a look of confusion, he explains. “I texted you a few minutes ago, asking if you were coming tonight. I assumed you would be, but you never know.”

“You know what,” Rey says. “I didn’t get your text and… I don’t even know where my phone is. It’s been a hell of a day. I… I need to tell you something.” 

A silence falls between them and she realizes he’s not going to ask what it is. Someone approaches the drink station and Rey takes Ben’s hand, pulling him off to the quieter side of the apartment. His hand in hers feels like it weighs a ton, as though she’s responsible for pulling ten times his weight and it’s all encased in his massive hand, his body trailing behind.

His hand remains in hers, even after she stops in the corner by the TV. He doesn’t move to pull away and she only releases it to wrap her entire hand around his left pointer finger. His wrist is at her mercy as she jerks it lightly, his watch gleaming in the light.

“It’s over,” she says, bobbing his hand by proxy of his finger to emphasize her words. “Tai and me. I- it’s done, I ended it for good today.” 

Ben raises his eyebrows at her and whether it’s in disbelief or intrigue, she’s unsure. 

“You left him?”

Rey nods. “I did. And before I did it, I wasn’t sure. I thought I was, but as I was doing it, I realized- yeah, this  _ is  _ done, you know?” she rambles on. “And now that I’ve left him, I’m so certain I did the right thing. He’s out of my life and it feels like a twenty ton weight has been lifted off of me.” Her hand snakes its way up and down the length of his massive finger and she makes eye contact with him. 

“I’m glad to hear that, Rey.”

“So, I was hoping…” she takes a deep breath and he looks at her expectantly. “That I could take you for that drink.” His smile widens his face and before he can answer, she looks down, her free hand slipping into her coat pocket. Slowly, she pulls her engagement ring from its holding place and holds it up to him. He looks intently at the diamond and swallows. “And maybe on our way there, you can come with me to… to sell this.”

Ben clears his throat and swirls his drink. He looks into his cup, and then at his finger, wrapped snugly in her hand, before looking up at her. “What- uh… what made you change your mind?”

“I realized what I deserve,” she says simply. 

Ben smiles. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“Well,” Rey says, stating each point with a perfunctory pump of his finger. “I guess I realized what I  _ don’t  _ deserve, and that’s a quote unquote man who pays little to no attention to me unless he wants something or he’s in trouble. I don’t deserve a husband who can’t please me in bed, and I definitely shouldn’t have to deal with an idiot who cheats on me and acts like it’s not the end of the world. Because… all of those things are the end of the world, and I shouldn’t have to put up with that.” 

“Absolutely,” he says.

Rey nods as a comfortable silence falls between them. She realizes to any onlookers, it probably looks strange, the way she’s holding onto just one finger while they talk. But it comforts her, being able to touch him and he really doesn’t seem to mind. So she squeezes his finger and asks, “Why didn’t you take that girl home? From the bar?”

Ben swallows so hard, his Adam’s apple plummets in his throat. She can tell he wants to ask her how she knows about that, but he doesn’t. He downs the rest of his drink and shakes his hand for emphasis, thus shaking hers. “Because I would have been thinking of  _ you  _ the whole time,” he says honestly. “It wouldn’t have been fair to either one of us.”

Rey nods, her teeth finding the faint dents in her lip and nestling them home. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” she says. “I’m just… all of this. It’s just so much-”

Ben cuts her off. “He didn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved, Rey. If you were mine, you wouldn’t ever have to question anything. You would know exactly how I feel about you every waking second of every fucking day. I mean,” he laughs divisively. “You know already, don’t you?”

Rey nods. “About that, Ben. I’m… I feel like I shouldn’t jump right back into another relationship right away. I’m trying to get better at figuring out what I want,” she says, looking into his eyes. He nods, opening his mouth to say something when she continues. “But I also know that I… I really, really  _ want  _ you in my life.”

Ben takes a step toward her, her fingers still wrapped around his. “I’m not going anywhere, Sweetheart,” he says and she beams at him.

“So, about that drink,” she says, tightening her grip on his finger. 

Before Ben can answer, their moment is interrupted as his last name echoes throughout the apartment. “SOLO!” Tai bellows, headed their way. Rey tightens her grip on him. “Did you fuck my fiancée?” 

A chorus of gasps rings out throughout the living room and Rey looks around as Ben looks down at her. “Did you tell him?” he asks, pulling his hand from hers.

“No, of course not,” she whispers. 

Tai lifts Rey’s cell phone in his hand and shakes it a time or two for effect before unlocking it and pulling up her text thread with Ben. “Why did Rey leave her coat at your place, Ben? Why was she even there to begin with? Why did your office smell like her for a day? Why did you text her today and ask if she was coming here? Why the  _ fuck _ were you asking her to dinner and drinks?”

Rey lifts a hand toward Tai, keeping herself between them. “Did you fuck her?” he asks again, looking over her head.

“Okay, Tai, I think we should talk about this somewhere else,” Rey says, noticing that they are very much the focal point of the party. 

“Yeah,” Ben agrees. “Let’s-”

Ben side-steps around Rey and as soon as he has a clear shot, Tai lunges, winding his arm back and swinging, his fist colliding with Ben’s eye. The crack of Tai’s knuckles on Ben’s cheekbone echoes throughout the room as several bystanders scream, including Rey. 

The impact sends Ben stumbling backwards. Rey reaches for him, placing an arm on his back and one on his bicep as he keels over, holding his wounded eye.

“Ah!” Tai breathes, walking in circles as he shakes his hand out. 

Rey ignores him as she reaches for Ben’s face, desperate to see the damage, repeating his name, whispering that she’s sorry. Poe, Finn, and Armie immediately leap into action, standing between Tai and everybody else.

“What the fuck, Rey?” Tai asks, stepping around Poe and toward her, clutching his now bleeding knuckles.

At that, Ben stands up straight, one hand still on his eye, the other pushing Rey behind him as he puts himself between her and her ex-fiancé. Finn’s got a hand on Tai’s arm before he can take another step. “You need to leave,” Ben says, pointing his free hand at Tai.

“I thought you were my friend, man. I mean, what the hell? How long has this been going on?”

“Tai, can we please talk about this anywhere else?” Rey pleads.

He considers it but Ben interrupts. “You’re not going anywhere alone with him,” he says to Rey as he pulls his hand away from his face and inspects his fingers, checking for blood.

“Alright, well, we really need to stop ruining this party,” Rey says. “Can we please step outside to discuss this?”

Finn releases a semi-calmed Tai and Rey immediately starts apologizing profusely. To him and Poe, to Rose and Armie. Rey can see more blood pooling between Tai’s knuckles as he flexes and contracts his fingers.

Rey gestures for Tai to follow her out the front door and into the hallway. Ben reaches for her. “I’ll be fine,” she promises. “It’ll be fine. Get some ice on that.” The look on Ben’s face appears even harsher with his glowing red eye. She lowers her voice and says to him, “I’m not leaving here without you.”

She knows his bigger concern is her safety, but she leads Tai into the hallway regardless. She knows he’d never physically hurt her.

“There’s nothing that needs to be discussed,” Tai says with a shrug. “You got pissed at me, and then you just had to make it even, didn’t you?”

“This isn’t about making anything even,” Rey says. “You cheated on me, Tai. I  _ saw  _ you. I went to Ben to… figure some things out. And maybe my first attempt at figuring things out was a bit dramatic, but I don’t regret it. 

“At least I had the courtesy to fuck a stranger,” he says. “Ben, Rey? Seriously?”

Maybe that’s fair. But she doesn’t care. She’s too tired to care.

Tai reaches into his pocket with his clean hand and removes her phone. “You need to stop leaving your shit everywhere,” he tells her before handing it to her.

She snatches the phone out of his outstretched hand and folds her arms over her chest. Tai continues shaking his hand out as he walks down the hallway toward the stairwell.

He doesn’t look back. 

The front door flies open and Ben emerges, immediately pulling Rey to him and cupping her face in his hands. “Are you okay?” he asks, his thumbs stroking her cheeks, his eyes shifting back and forth to scan hers.

Rey nods.

“Umm…” Finn says, joining them in the hallway. Rose, Armie, and Poe follow closely behind. “Does someone wanna fill us in?”

Rey pulls away from Ben and presses a hand to her forehead. “Rose, Armie, I’m so sorry. I hate that this happened at your engagement party.” 

“We don’t care about our party,” Rose says and Arnie nods in agreement. “We care about you.”

Ben lightly presses his cheek beneath his eye and he winces. “I should go,” Rey says. “I’ve ruined enough here.”

“Don’t go!” Rose says. “Stay, drink. You need it. Unless Ben wants to go to the hospital. Then, maybe consider that.”

Ben laughs. “No, I think I could definitely use a drink. My eye will be fine. But Rey,” he says turning to her. “If you want to go, I’ll leave with you. Or if you want to be left alone, I’ll make sure you get home okay. Or I’ll-”

“Ben,” Rey says smiling. She places her hand on his chest, and feels several pairs of eyes follow her hand movements as her palm counts and collects several of Ben’s heartbeats. Finn’s voice vaguely rings in her ears as he again asks what’s going on, but she ignores him. “Let’s stay.”

“Alright, people, show’s over!” Poe exclaims reentering his apartment and clapping his hands. “Let’s get back to celebrating the happy couple!”   
  


“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rose asks.

Rey nods and turns to Ben to find him pressing into the swollen area beneath his eye, and then glancing at his fingers to check for blood again. 

Ben had been there for Rey throughout all of this chaos. He’d done everything she asked, more even. Now, it was her turn to be there for him.

“Ben,” she asks, garnering his attention. “Can I get you a drink?”

He smiles and nods, allowing her to take his hand, and following her in the direction of the makeshift bar.

The party dies down fairly early because it’s still a Sunday, and the happy couple hasn’t had a chance to be alone since Rose said ‘yes’ several hours ago. Rey stays to help Finn and Poe clean up, which means Ben stays to help tidy as well. 

Rose and Armie continually offer to help, but no one lets them. Instead, Rey makes Rose share their proposal in detail from the beginning of the day up to her saying yes while the rest of them recycle cups, store leftover food, and tear down decorations.

Eventually, Rose and Armie walk out, hand in hand, with Ben and Rey behind them. The four of them descend the stairs and once on the sidewalk, Rose turns to her best friend. 

“Do you want me to come home with you tonight?” Rose asks. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

Rey smiles. “Are you crazy? Rose, you got engaged today! Go be with your fiancé! I’ll be fine.”

“What about…?” Rose trails off and nods her head toward Ben, standing near a lamppost and checking his phone.

Rey shrugs and sighs. “I don’t know,” she admits. “I feel like it’s too soon.”

Rose nods. “If that’s how you feel, then listen to your gut. But Rey… if you  _ want  _ to, then you need to listen to that, too. Don’t do what you think you should do just because you feel like you ‘maybe should.’ You’ve spent too much of your life doing what you should do- to survive, to preserve, to feel content… do what you  _ want  _ to do because you’re starting over. Right now. Clean slate.”

Rey smiles and embraces her best friend. When Rose releases her, Rey turns to Armie and hugs him goodnight. Rose nearly flings herself at Ben, wrapping her arms around him, and Rey’s not sure she’s ever seen them hug before. Rose whispers something Rey can’t quite make out in Ben’s ear and he nods, a serious look on his face.

He shakes hands with Armie, wishing them both congratulations, and turns to Rey. 

“So…” he says.

“So…” she repeats with a smile as she steps into him, leaning against the front of his body gently. Rey reaches up and cups the side of his face with one hand. He leans gently into her touch. “Maybe we should postpone our drink.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” he asks. She shakes her head, no. “How about I pour you a glass of wine at my place?” Ben asks as her thumb strokes the puffy, red tissue beneath his nearly swollen-shut eye.

When she nods, he takes her hand in his, linking their fingers as he orders an Uber. 

She doesn’t know what she wants from this night, or what their status is. She doesn’t know what she can do to assuage the guilt she feels for Ben’s purple and blue skin.

But Rey does know that she wants a glass of wine at Ben’s place. And for right now, that’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo I upped the chapter count by 1, because I need to give Rey & Ben what they deserve ;)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/UHadMeAt_Reylo)


	6. Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 90% sex and there are several new tags. It more or less starts right after they climb into bed together and doesn’t end until the last paragraph or so. There is a scene of non-negotiated somnophilia, which I have marked with *** at the beginning at *** at the end if you would like to skip that part. I thought long and hard (no pun intended) about what I wanted for these two this night, and ultimately, everything that I have chosen for them has some kind of purpose relevant to the story/Rey’s growth.
> 
> With that said… I hope you enjoy Rey’s marathon sex with Ben as much as they do ;)

Rey is unable to look at anything other than Ben for the duration of their Uber ride back to his apartment. His right hand rests in the center of the seat and she can’t help but focus on his long, thick fingers and round knuckles, his perfectly manicured nails and the veins that stretch beneath his skin. Through his coat, she can see his bicep muscles, clearly defined and stretching the fabric thin. His thigh is so thick; his quads challenge the denim of his perfectly-tailored jeans.

Pressing her thighs together, she leans forward and attempts to assuage some of her untimely arousal.

Sliding her left hand across the seat, she sets her pinky finger on top of his. Ben looks down at their hands and smiles as she strokes his finger gently.

His facial features are so sharp, so distinct, she could draw him from memory. The newest addition to his face comes into clear view and she winces as she studies the discoloration over his nearly swollen-shut eye socket.

“I’m sorry about your eye,” she says quietly. “I’m so sorry he did that to you.”

Ben chuckles. “It’s not your fault, Rey. I mean… it sucks. But I kinda had that coming.”

His laugh earns a smile out of her and he lifts her fingers to his mouth to press a kiss to her knuckles. 

After Ben lets her into his apartment, she sets her purse on his kitchen countertop and removes her coat. She feels safe here. She likes the smell here. She likes Ben here.

Rounding the island, he crouches down to open the bottom door of his dual-zone wine fridge. His massive hands wrap around neck after neck, the glass bottles clanging against the metal racks as he slides them out to read the labels. 

“How about a Bordeaux?” Ben asks, pulling it from the center shelf. 

“My favorite,” Rey says smiling.

“Yeah? Mine too,” he tells her, planting two wine glasses on the counter. 

“Rey…” she watches him speak to the glasses of wine he’s pouring. “I know you just got out of a serious relationship and it had a very traumatic ending. And I’m sorry if I wasn’t as patient with you as I should have been. I just need you to know- whatever you  _ need…  _ I’m here for you.”

He recorks the bottle and hands her glass to her with a smile. She swirls her wine and sighs. “I think I knew the whole time that I was going to end it for good with Tai. But he was treating me how I’d wanted to be treated for so long, you know? So it was hard to finally get what I wanted but still be so hurt _and_ want to leave him. I don’t know if that makes sense, I’m sorry,” she says quietly.

“It does make sense, Rey. That makes perfect sense.”

Smiling, Rey stares into his attentive features. “I do feel an immense sense of relief, though,” she continues. “Now that it’s over for good. Thank you for… everything this past week. I know I must have been difficult.”

Ben clinks his glass against hers softly. “You weren’t,” he assures her. “And it was all worth it.”

The wine hits her lips as she looks up at him over the rim of her glass and she reminds herself that it’s okay that she’s here. It’s okay that she  _ wants  _ to be here.

Rey tucks one leg beneath her as she sits on his couch. Ben watches her carefully and smiles as she plants her opposite foot flat on the cushion, curling into her own thigh as she sips her wine.  A warmth spreads through her cheeks as Ben chuckles, observing her posture and looking her up and down. “What?” she asks.

“Nothing. You’re just…” he can't stop smiling. “You’re just so cute, I can’t handle it.”

“Oh.” Rey hugs her leg closer to her body and swirls her wine.

Ben doesn’t stop smiling while they chat. His eyes don’t stop scaling her body, taking in every inch of her on his sofa. He doesn’t ask about Tai or their breakup, but he reiterates several times that he’s willing to listen if she’s willing to share. Or they can talk about whatever she wants to talk about. Or they can do whatever she wants to do.

It turns out, on top of the drinks she’d had at Rose and Armie’s engagement party, one glass of Bordeaux is exactly what Rey needs for her to do what she wants to do. That last glass is all it takes for her eyes to focus on his lips. She stares so intently on his plush bottom lip that it must have burned him because he slowly moves back, adding an inch or two of distance between them.

But Rey doesn’t  _ want  _ an additional inch or two of distance between them. With her glass of wine balanced precariously between her thumb and forefinger, she holds it away from her body as she clutches the front of Ben’s shirt in her hand and pulls him to her. She stops when his face is just an inch away, and breathes his air as he rests his forehead against hers.

When he kisses her, it feels like a sigh. Or it sounds like one as their lips relax into each other's after a week’s worth of tension. 

Without breaking their kiss, he pulls the glass of wine out of her hand and sets it on the coffee table before taking her face in both of his hands. Rey kisses him harder as he pulls her onto his lap. A moan spills from between her lips when his tongue finds its way into her mouth and his hands find their way to her neck.

It’s instinct taking over, she swears it is, when she grinds against him. But she can’t help seeking out at least a little bit of friction when his grip on her neck tightens. His right hand slides down over her collarbone and chest, kneading her breast on its way. It scales her side and lands on her ass, where he squeezes her roughly and shifts her lap against his.

His head tilts in the opposite direction and her nose becomes acquainted with the other side of his face as he deepens their kiss. From this new angle, her nose perfectly aligns with, and nudges the sensitive area under his eye. 

Ben winces, pulling back. “I’m so sorry,” she says immediately, cupping his face with one of her hands, her thumb resting just below his swollen eye. “Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he promises. “Maybe we should slow things down a bit anyway.” Rey nods. He must sense her disappointment because he lurches forward. “But let’s plan our date for this week. How about Friday night?” 

“How about tomorrow night?” she counters.

He holds her face with both of his hands and smiles. “Of course, Rey. Whatever you want.”

Whatever she  _ wants _ . 

It’s not even 9:00pm when Rey follows him into his bedroom. She’s exhausted, and if he’s not, he did a fabulous job of convincing her he is as well. Without asking, Ben hands her a white t-shirt out of his top drawer. He offers some pants or boxers as well but when she unfolds the shirt and holds it against her body to find it comes down to her thighs, she figures the shirt is sufficient.

After showing herself into his bathroom, she strips down to her panties and stares at herself in the mirror. A week ago today, she sat naked on this bathroom floor and cried after losing her virginity. A week ago today, she walked in on her fiancé fucking someone else.

A week ago today, she woke up thinking she had it all figured out. 

She had a fiancé and a wedding date. She had everything planned out on her calendar- when final payments were due, and when final meetings were scheduled with the florist and photographer. She had a round of cancelled dance classes because Tai thought they didn’t need formal training for their first dance.

And yet, on some level, she really doesn’t feel like she lost anything at all.

But she looks different somehow. She’s changed.

When she exits Ben’s bathroom, she finds him turning down the duvet. He tosses a sham to the floor and freezes as he catches sight of her, drowning in his v-neck shirt. The sleeves flutter down to her elbows and the hem falls to mid-thigh. Rey bites her lip, tugging on some of the excess fabric; he looks her up and down unabashedly and groans.

“I should have known better than to put you in my clothes,” he says, his eyes locked on the loose fabric that’s settled between her breasts. “It’s going to kill me.”

Rey giggles as she rounds the opposite side of the bed and crawls in first. He crosses his arms, grips the hem of his shirt and pulls it up and over his head, revealing his toned torso. She swallows as her eyes dart to his hard stomach and focus on the dark trail of hair that starts at his navel and disappears beneath his sleep pants. The red and black plaid hangs dangerously low on his hips, and even in the dim lamp-light, she can see the V-shaped creases tracing his hip bones. 

He pretends he doesn’t see her staring. 

She clenches on the memories from this bed and her eyes snap up to his beautiful, half-broken face.

When he slides in next to her, she sees the nearly black pigment settling in, the busted capillaries angry and spilt beneath his skin. She wants to reach out, touch him, heal him somehow.

He reaches to turn off the lamp.

It’s silly, really- how hard she’s breathing, how rapidly her chest is pounding, how affected she is by his presence. Rey can’t believe how on-edge she is to sleep in the same bed with him. He’s seen her naked and has had his tongue in and on places that make her blush to think about, but this feels different.

Rey copies his motions- as he lies back onto his pillow, she does. When Ben turns on his side to face her, she does the same.

Moonlight seeps in through the cracks in the blinds and Rey prays he can’t hear her heartbeat thumping against the mattress. 

“Goodnight, Rey,” he says, cupping the side of her face and planting a chaste kiss on her lips. She grabs his wrist before he can pull away from her and kisses him back.

“Goodnight, Ben,” she says, and he smiles at her, gently digging his fingertips into her neck like he can’t believe she’s here.

As Rey turns over, Ben grabs her mid-roll and pulls her against him, pressing the front of his body into the back of hers and wrapping an arm around her midsection. He tucks his bent legs into hers and brushes the hair from her neck to plant a kiss to her freshly exposed skin. 

“Is this okay?” he whispers.

She nods and he tightens his grip around her as they lie together like spoons nestled in a silverware drawer. 

It’s not long before he drifts off to sleep, his arm dead weight around her. It’s not long after she realizes he’s asleep that she feels his erection digging into her ass and she wonders what he’s dreaming about, or if her proximity affects even his subconscious.

Regardless, it feels so good against her, and when she thinks about what it’s done to her, she moans softly, rocking against him gently. A surge of arousal rushes to her center and images of the last time she was in this bed flood her mind.

Ben must be a light sleeper because he stirs immediately, asking her what’s wrong, and tightening his grip on her. Before she can answer, she feels his hand snake beneath the hem of her (his) shift and rest on the bare skin of her stomach.

His hand is so big, it spans more or less the entire width of her tummy and she sighs. 

“You okay?” he asks, his voice gruff, though, he had probably only been asleep for an hour at most.

“Yeah, I just-”

His fingers tense on her abdomen and she feels his pinky finger inadvertently dip beneath the elastic of her panties.

She turns her head to look up at him, her shoulder nudging his chest. “I know we agreed on taking things slow and not rushing into anything, but… what if we… I dunno… what if tonight didn’t count toward that?”

Ben stares at her lips for a second too long before he protests, “Rey, I don’t want to do anything you’re going to regret, or think happened too quickly, or resent me for. Especially not now.”  She grinds her ass against his hard cock and his eyes fall shut. “Rey,” he groans. 

“Please?” she asks. “Just… just a little bit.”

“Just a little bit?” he repeats and she can hear the smile in his voice. 

“Yeah, maybe just like for like a minute or something. Please, Ben, I want to feel you inside of me again.”

“Fuck, Rey,” he whines. “Well, I can tell you there’s no such thing as just like for a minute.”

“Okay, so maybe you just fuck me properly then.”

His hips lurch forward at her words, rocking against her and she lets out a tiny moan. Ben plants a kiss to her ear, then several down her jawline as he pushes himself up higher onto an arm. His hand snakes up her abdomen and he cups one of her breasts as he kisses the side of her head.

“Are you sure?” he asks, pinching her nipple. “Because I really would never forgive myself if you regretted this.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” she says, wiggling her ass against him. “I’m so so sure that I need you.”

Hand abandoning her breast, his fingertips trace her body- down the valley of her waist, and over the mountain of her hip. Whimpering, she presses her back into his chest and his fingers slide beneath the waistband of her panties.

Her lungs beg for oxygen, but she forgets how to breathe as his hand slides down further and his middle finger teases her sex. He nudges at the inside of her thigh and Rey opens her legs for him, planting her foot on the bed, her knee pointing toward the ceiling.  Ben’s breath is warm on her ear while his finger strokes down her center without pushing past her folds. Rey sighs, thrusting her hips into his hand. 

He sucks on the junction where her neck meets her shoulder as his middle finger pushes past her outermost gates and Rey gasps when he strokes her properly. She clutches his sheets, the fabric oozing from between her fingers as he rubs her. “Ben,” she whines. “Inside. Please.”

He slides the tip of his middle finger inside of her. “I have to warm you up, sweetheart,” he whispers in her ear and gives her a second finger. “Need to make you come on my hand before I can give you my cock.”

He pumps them as he nibbles on whatever flesh he can get into his mouth. “You’re so wet, Rey,” he tells her. He sounds so thrilled about it, like there’s nothing she could do to make him happier. “Can’t believe you’re here right now.”

“Don’t stop,” she says.

His thumb swipes her clit and she moans as he adds a  _ third  _ finger and pushes- slowly at first, his motions gentle as he slides them in past the knuckle. Rey gasps as she squeezes the blanket even harder, her rim stretched to its limit. 

“You’re so good, Rey. You can take it. Three fingers… I know you can.” Ben focuses the heel of his hand on her clit and rubs her there as his fingers glide in and out of her. “You’re taking them so well, baby, that’s it.”

The stretched elastic of her panties rubs against the side of her hip as his hand works and the burn spurs her on. “I’m- I’m-”

“Come on my hand, Rey,” he whispers. “That’s it, you’re so good. You’re so good for me, you-”

Rey’s mouth falls open of its own volition as a loud moan slips from between her lips, her body curling in as her first orgasm of the night rips through her body. “So so beautiful when you come,” he mutters, kissing the corner of her mouth as his fingers slow. 

Ben pulls his fingers out of her and licks them clean as she flips onto her other side to face him. He barely has his fingers out of his mouth before she’s got her lips on his, taking care to keep her nose away from his bruised eye. Hooking a finger beneath the fabric of her panties, Ben tugs at one side and she shifts to help him pull them off. She helps him remove his own pajama pants as best she can as he reaches toward his nightstand drawer.

Rey realizes what he’s stretching for and she places a hand on his hard abdomen. “Ben,” she says. “I’m… um. I’m on birth control if… I mean, I  _ really  _ want you to come inside me.”

“Fuuuck,” he drags out his expletive as he looks into her eyes. “Rey, Jesus Christ, you’re going to kill me.”

His hand slips under her shirt and he cups her breast, pinching the nipple and rolling it between his fingers. Rey’s hips lurch toward his and his hand slips out of her shirt to grip the back of her thigh just below her ass. Roughly, he pulls her toward him and Rey moans softly when he hikes her leg up over his hip. 

His pelvis grinds against hers while his hand strokes her down to her knee and back up to her ass. Anytime his hard cock glides against her, she sighs or moans or gasps into his mouth and he collects all of her little noises, using them as fuel to keep up his motions.

His hand abandons her thigh and reaches between them to press the tip of his cock past her folds. 

“I can’t believe I’m the only one who’s been here,” he says, dragging the head along her slit, soaking his tip in her wetness. “The  _ only  _ one who’s felt you like  _ this _ . The first one to ever come inside of you.”

Her heart races when she feels him there and her leg tenses atop his.

He kisses her again, but this time, his lips move a little slower, and he slips his tongue into her mouth in tandem with the head of his cock. Rey gasps, his tongue dancing with hers as his hand finds her lower back to steady her while he pushes his cock deeper inside of her. 

“You feel so good for me, baby,” he whispers, pressing kisses to her cheeks, nose forehead. “You take me so well.”

Rey’s eyelids fall shut and she nods, exhaling sharply from the stretch. She doesn’t remember it feeling quite so-  _ much  _ the first time. She opens her eyes and looks into his. Ben has yet to move inside of her. He digs his fingers into her ass as a response to her own grip on his arm and she smiles. He withdraws his hips slowly and repositions his grip to her lower back so he can pull her down as he thrusts up into her.

And it hurts a little bit because he’s stretching her, splitting her, making room inside of her. Her walls conform to the shape of his cock and she wonders if she’ll ever get used to the feeling when he first enters her. 

She hopes she never does. 

The drag and press of his cock is so much more than she remembers and now that she’s done this before, now that she trusts him a bit more, now that she can let go, she allows herself to truly revel in what it is he’s doing to her.

“You want me to come inside you, Rey? You want my come to be the first your pussy has ever felt?”

Rey gasps at his words, her inhale quickly crescendoing into a moan as he switches his motions, adding a roll of his hips to the end of each thrust. 

“Yes,” she breathes. “Yes, ugh, please come inside me, Ben, I-”

“Fuck, Rey,” he grunts as he thrusts up sloppily into her, spraying her insides with his hot spend, and filling her with his remaining pumps. 

When he pulls out of her, she falls onto her back. He immediately presses his hand to her stomach, exposed from her ridden-up t-shirt. 

“What do you need?” he asks, panting. “How can I make you come again?”

His hand is already sliding down between her legs, but Rey is in sensory overload. She stops him. “I’m so good, Ben,” she says, kissing him before sneaking away to the bathroom to clean up. “Promise.” 

His long shirt is still covering her to mid-thigh, but as soon as she’s back in his bed, Ben’s touching her beneath it.

“I always want you to come more than I do,” he says. “Please.”

“I’m so tired,” she admits with a smile. “You wore me out. Can you just hold me?”

Wordlessly, he pulls her body against his and within minutes, she’s asleep in his arms.

***

Rey’s back arches involuntarily. She feels a warm, light breath on her inner thigh before she hears or sees or feels anything else. Her eyes flutter open, just barely, and she can see the charcoal grey duvet bobbing between her legs, the motions blurry behind her sleep-filled haze. A soft moan escapes from low in her throat as a trail of kisses drift down the inside of her left thigh. 

Rey gasps as he kisses the inside of her knee. As he focuses all of his attention on the skin there, she can’t believe he remembers it from their first time. He’s licking her there, sucking, biting, and it’s all Rey can do to not scream. 

Glancing at the alarm clock on Ben’s nightstand, her blurry vision tells her it’s 12:14am.

There’s a second’s break before those lips continue their kisses up the opposite leg.

She whimpers quietly as his mouth climbs higher and higher until a warm tongue finds her cunt and draws a line straight up her center, flicking against her clit. Still half asleep, her mouth falls open, a deep sigh escaping.

“Ben,” she whispers; it’s a half question.

His tongue flicks out against her once more before he plants his chin beneath her bellybutton, the blankets rustling around her hips as the weight of his head sinks into her abdomen. Ben’s face appears as he lifts the comforter up over his head and peeks out at her through his makeshift tent.

“What are you...” Her voice is so heavy with sleep, she can hardly make out her own words.

“Shh,” Ben whispers, feathering light kisses along her hip bone. “Need to make you come again.”

He disappears once more under the covers and his tongue picks up where it left off. “Fuck, you’re so wet, Rey. Were you dreaming about me?” Ben asks, smiling into her cunt. Sighing, she grips the bedsheets. Still not fully awake, she allows her body to let go, melt into the mattress, and act on instinct. 

She lets him give her what she needs.

His mouth covers her clit as he sucks on it, his tongue jetting out against the nub as he inserts a finger into her. “Ben…” she breathes. “Ben.”

He hums, the vibrations of his lips playing a familiar tune while he inserts a second finger to match the first. Her thighs tighten their grip on either side of his head as his mouth works her.

“Fuck, Ben,” she hisses as her head falls to the side. 

She feels his hands grip the tops of her thighs and steady her, pulling her further toward him so he can absolutely devour her. “Ben… Ben, BenBenBen,” she repeats before inhaling deeply. 

“Come for me,” he says, the vibrations of his lips against her sending her into overdrive.

“Don’t stop,” she breathes. Chuckling against her, the reverberations from his lips hit her exactly how she needs him to. Ben curls his fingers forward against her front wall, and she explodes, her cunt contracting  _ hard  _ around his fingers. She pushes her hips into his face and whines as she comes, his name spilling from her lips like venom. 

Squirming, she attempts to break free from his grasp, the sensation almost too much. A whimper escapes Rey’s lips as he pulls his mouth off of her and slows his motions, riding out what is left of her high with her.

She feels him plant a wet kiss to her inner thigh and withdraw his fingers. Ben emerges from under the comforter before licking them clean and wiping his chin with the back of his hand. Watching him through heavy lidded eyes, she smiles up at him.

Ben climbs up her body and she runs a hand through his hair as he pushes her shirt up over her tits so he can drop dozens of kisses along her chest.

***

He’s hard against her and she’s awake now, as he takes a nipple into his mouth and sucks desperately at it.

Rey moans as she runs a hand through his unruly hair. “Is this what I’ve been missing out on? This is what having sex is like?” she asks.

Ben smiles against her breast and looks up at her. “Yeah,  _ good  _ sex.”

She tsks. “Are you implying that you’re good at sex, Ben Solo?”

He grips the side of her face with one hand and climbs up so his mouth is hovering over hers. His fingers stretch down onto her neck and the back of her head. “I think you would agree that I’m good at sex,” he chides, brushing his nose against hers.

“Well, I don’t have anything to compare it to, so…” she trails off.

Ben laughs so hard, his chest and stomach collapse onto her and she can feel his hard dick bouncing against her hip with his rumbles. “Touché,” he says as he closes the gap between their lips and kisses her until she can’t stand it anymore. 

“Please, Ben,” she begs, reaching between them in search of his cock. “Please fuck me.”

Ben growls as he hooks an arm beneath her knee and presses her thigh to her chest, using her hand as his guide to enter her. Rey cries out as he fills her, her moans echoing off the walls in his bedroom. 

“So good,” she cries out as he stretches her leg back further, applying more of his weight onto her. The pain sears through her once again and quickly evaporates into pleasure as he pounds into her. 

Ben stays inside of her as he sits back on his knees. The back of her leg is flush against his chest and her calf rests on his shoulder.

“Touch yourself,” he tells her, stretching her opposite leg out on the bed, and spreading her even wider for him. “I need to see how you get yourself off.”

Rey obeys immediately, one hand on her clit, the other tugging at her nipple, desperate for any and all sensation. He’s got one arm wrapped around her leg like a pole, as his other hand pins her opposite thigh to the mattress and she’s never felt more on display. She's never felt sexier.

When she starts to come, he fucks her harder, thrusting into her relentlessly as her clit swells under the touch of her own hand, her walls clamping down on him. With her leg over his shoulder, she arches her back and takes him as best she can, hoping she’s good, hoping she’s enough. 

“One more, baby,” he tells her, his stamina much higher after already coming once tonight. “Make yourself come one more time.”

“I can’t,” she says. “Just don’t stop.”

“You  _ can _ ,” he says. “I know you can.”

Her hand finds her clit again and his body nearly crushes her, splits her in half as he bends down and wraps his mouth around a nipple, sucking it as roughly as he saw her playing with it. 

Rey nearly screams as her orgasm races through her torso, limbs, fingers, toes, and ultimately, into him, fueling his own release as he pumps her full of his come, her cunt taking every last drop. He releases her leg and  _ does  _ collapse on her, the non-bruised side of his face using her tit as a pillow.

Panting, Rey runs her fingernails up and down the length of his back; he shivers at her touch. She brushes his hair out of his face and observes the now fully blackened bruise painted beneath his eye.

“Get some sleep,” he whispers as he rolls off of her and she turns to face him. “It’s one in the morning.”

Rey smiles, half of her mouth hidden behind his down pillow. “I like you,” she whispers into the feathers.

His eyes shoot open at her words and he swallows. “You do?” he asks, and if he wasn’t so damn sexy, he would look almost pathetic.

“Mmhmm,” she hums as she snuggles in against his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

\--

Something wakes Rey up around 3:00am. It might have been Ben’s breathing, or the uncomfortable angle of her neck, but she sits up, adjusts the duvet and reaches for her pillow when his head turns toward her, his eyes still closed, and body operating for sleep. 

His breaths are deep and even, his still-swollen lips parted slightly, and eyelashes rest on the tops of his cheeks. She studies his wide shoulders, the muscles in his pecs and the ladder of abdominal muscles that she wants to climb. 

Carefully, Rey lifts the blanket so as not to stir him. He’s not hard, but he looks huge as she carefully straddles his waist and drops the front of her body onto his. 

“Ben,” she whispers, kissing the underside of his jaw. 

“Hmm,” he muses.

Rey giggles, grinding her wet center against his stomach as she presses her lips to his throat. “Ben,” she says again in a sing-song voice. 

“Ugh,” he groans. 

“Ben,” she whispers. “Fuck me.”

“Again?” he whines. “‘m sleepy.”

“I know,” she giggles, sitting up.

His lashes flutter as she reaches for the hem of her shirt and pulls it up and over her head. His eyes and hands are on her tits before she even has the top completely off and he growls. “I love your perfect tits.”

He tweaks her nipples with his fingers for effect and she moans loudly, arching her back into his touch, and her noises wake him up a bit more. 

“You’re so responsive to me,” he praises, massaging one breast while he pinches the opposite nipple even harder. “You’re such a dream, Rey. I can’t believe  _ you’re  _ waking me up to fuck you.” He watches his hands work her tits and her eyes fall shut. “Ride me, sweetheart,” he tells her.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she admits as she lifts her pelvis off of his. Ben reaches between them and positions his now hard cock for her. She has to lift herself higher to accommodate him and Ben offers his free hand for her to hold while she impales herself on him.

He moans wildly. “Fuck, well, you’re already doing so perfect, Rey. You feel so good. Love seeing your body like this. You’re so damn beautiful.”

She clutches his hand as he fills her completely, and when he bottoms out, Rey moans, feeling full, feeling split, feeling like this is more than she could have ever imagined sex being.

With his hands on her hips, he guides her, picking her up and dropping her back down. She catches on quickly and keeps the rhythm going. 

With his elbows planted at his sides, Ben offers a hand to her and she places her own in his, her fingers locking between his as he clutches her tightly and thrusts up into her.

“Ben,” she shouts. “Ohh, I-”

She has to plant a hand on his chest for balance as she picks up the pace. She’s working so hard, her chest starts to flush as Ben’s hand on her hip stretches to thumb at her clit while she bounces on him.

“You’re so fucking amazing, Rey,” he praises. “Look at you, riding my cock like this with your perfect tits bouncing. Fuck.”

She’s never felt like this before- this overwhelming build that doesn’t just intensify, it  _ multiplies  _ and it’s  _ deep _ . She nearly loses track of what she’s doing when she looks down at Ben and watches his eyes scan her entire body, lingering on her tits, and her waist, and her cunt devouring his thick cock with every drop of her hips.

“I’m so close,” she tells him. “Fuck, I love this. Ben, I… Ben… Tell me I’m… call me...” she pants.

“What?” he asks desperately, tightening his circles on her clit. He lifts his hips faster, meeting her thrust for thrust.

But Rey can’t speak as the storm within her starts to boil over. She can only imagine what she must look like as her fingers claw at his chest and if Ben can’t actually read her mind, he needs to play the lottery because it dawns on him what she’d been asking for and he gives it to her instantly.

“You’re gonna come on my cock, aren’t you? Look at you, your pretty tits, your perfect pussy taking me so well. You’re so amazing Rey.” 

His last three thrusts are his hardest as he spaces them out between each word-

“Good- fucking- girl.”

Rey’s entire body convulses as his words float up to her ears on a sailboat of passion.

She throws her head back as she impales herself onto him one final time, her orgasm tearing through her like a rogue garden hose. Mouth open, she falls forward and as he continues to fuck her through her climax, she  _ gushes _ , liquid arousal soaking him, her thighs, and his sheets.

“Fu- oh, fuck!” Ben cries out as he grips her hips with both hands and slams her down onto him, his own orgasm taking him over. Each final thrust earns a bit more from her, and his face is laced in awe and disbelief.

“Oh my god,” Rey says, short of breath. “I’m so sorry, I’ve… that’s never happened to me before, I-”

But before she can say another word, Ben’s heaving body sits up, and she barely has time to adjust her legs as he wraps a hand around the back of her neck and slams her lips down onto his. “That was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” He clutches her neck roughly. “How can we get you to do that again?”

Rey blushes. “I ruined your sheets.”

“I don’t give a shit about the sheets, Rey, I just… you just… I- I’ve never come that hard. You’re so amazing, Rey. Please let me make you do that again.”

It takes some convincing, but she promises he can try… later. Then, she slinks off to the bathroom to clean up. When she returns, Ben is naked and stretching a clean fitted sheet over his king-sized mattress. She helps him with the top sheet and the pillowcases and they collapse as soon as the duvet is in place, his arm wrapped around her lower back.

She doesn’t wake again until sunlight is seeping in through the blinds. 

“Rey,” Ben whispers into her ear before nibbling on the shell. “Sweetheart, it’s six in the morning. Do you need to go home before you go to work?”

Rey groans. Her eyes physically ache because she’s so exhausted. Her lips feel chapped and swollen, her body sore and spent. Without taking a designated inhale, she knows she must reek of sex. They’d done it three times in the span of five hours and she'd squirted for the first time in her life.

“Um,” she says. “If I call in sick, can I keep sleeping?”

Ben chuckles against the corner of her jaw. “I already emailed and said I wouldn’t be in today.”

“Really?” Rey asks. “Where’s my phone? I’m doing the same.”

She climbs out of bed, wincing from the shrill pain between her legs as she crouches down at her folded jeans in the corner of his room. He unplugs his phone and offers her his bedside charger. Rey shoots off a quick email to her team and Ben latches onto her naked body as soon as she returns to his bed, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly against him.

She has two weeks scheduled off for a honeymoon she isn’t taking, so Rey decides she deserves a day now.

While she shifts to rest her head on his shoulder, she realizes that right now, in this moment, this is what she  _ needs _ .

The next time she wakes up, it’s 11:00am. Ben’s still passed out, snoring lightly, his head low on his pillow. His kiss-bruised lips are almost as swollen as his eye.

She squirms at the sight of him, knowing what that mouth, those hands, and that body are capable of. 

Rey presses her lips to his gently and quickly feels his own lips work against hers. Ben groans into her mouth, his voice hoarse with the lack of sleep. Rey reaches between them and rubs her palm against his cock. Ben smiles so widely against her mouth, he breaks their kiss. “Again?” he asks. She nods and he laughs. “How are you not sore?” he asks her.

She shrugs. “I am. But I want to. Guess I’m making up for lost time.”

“I don’t think I can, Rey,” he says. “You’ve worn me out. Hell,  _ I’m _ sore.”

“Okay, can we keep kissing then?” she asks.

He flips them carefully so she’s fully lying on top of him and he slides beneath her. She watches him from between her arms as he grabs her hips and scoots her up so her thighs are on either side of his face.

“Ben, what are you,” she starts to ask as his tongue juts inside of her hovering hole. “Ohh, fuck.”

When he flicks the tip of his tongue against her clit, her body falls forward, forcing her to brace herself on the headboard. “I thought-” she pants between licks. “I thought you couldn’t…”

“Just because I can’t doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get some,” he says.

“But-”

“Shh, Rey, just take it.”

His mouth resumes its pursuit against her cunt and Rey resumes her symphony of moans, sighs, and his name. The sensitivity in her clit is on overdrive from the stimulation its received, but Ben’s soft, strong tongue works her perfectly.

Her thighs shake on either side of his head. The soft underside of his tongue feels good against her strained hole and when the tip finds her clit again, she cries out. She looks down to find his plush lips that were made for eating pussy, working furiously against her.

“I… I’m…”

“Say my name when you come,” he orders and as soon as his mouth is wrapped around her clit once more, she obeys. Rather, she  _ screams  _ his name as she comes, her fingers digging into the upholstered headboard, her pelvis more or less humping his face. 

After dismounting him, he looks up at her, smirking as he licks his glistening lips and wipes at his chin with the clean sheet.

When Rey tumbles onto the bed, she winces immediately. Feeling split and raw between her legs, she inhales sharply as Ben scoots closer to her.

“So,” he says. “I was going to make you breakfast here, but if the rest of this apartment smells as much like sex as this bedroom does, we’re not gonna make it.” Rey laughs. “So, can I take you out to brunch?”

\--

They’re one of just three filled tables. Apparently 1:30pm on a Monday is  _ not  _ ideal brunch time, but Ben orders a pitcher of mimosas for them to split regardless. After ordering, Rey covers Ben’s hand with hers and rubs his knuckles. “Can I ask you something?” she asks.

“Of course,” he says, pouring two flutes full of the exceptionally pale drink.

“How long? How long have you... felt the way you do?”

Ben chuckles, his cheeks and ears flushing, and sets the pitcher down. “Do you want the truth? Or the answer that will scare you less?” Rey shoots him a look. “Let’s see… when did he introduce us? Three and a half years ago? So I suppose I’ve felt this way for three and a half years.”

“Did he know?” she asks. 

“Sometimes I think he did. I tried not to ask about you and I didn’t talk much when you were brought up or when you came around. I know he caught me staring at you because he would be overly affectionate those days or he would go out of his way to mention something he bought for you or you did for him.”

“Why did you agree to be in the wedding?”

He shrugs. “He was one of my best friends since we were kids. What was I gonna say?”

Rey nods. 

“But hey,” Ben says. “I meant what I said last night. You call the shots here, okay? I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to do something or say something or even…  _ be  _ anything with me at all if… if you don’t want to. If you need space or time, tell me, okay?”

Rey nods.

“Because,” he starts. “It took four years to finally be able to take you out, and no matter what happened or what happens… 

“Rey, you were worth the wait.”

She beams at him.

According to Ben, she was worth it.

And right now, that’s more than enough. 

It’s what she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I feel like I'm sore after writing/editing that LOL.
> 
> I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter and understand Rey's decision-making. 
> 
> Just the epilogue to go!! It will be a "Two Years Later"-type epilogue :)
> 
> Still on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/UHadMeAt_Reylo) openly thirsting.


	7. Epilogue: Worthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated. 
> 
> Please note- this chapter does include breeding kink.

_Two years later..._

Rey taps her freshly manicured nails idly on her desk while she waits for the clock at the bottom of her computer screen to change from 4:59pm to 5:00pm. Then, she wishes she’d just taken her birthday off like her boyfriend had suggested. 

Although she’s not normally big on celebrating her birthday, Rey couldn’t wait for this one- just the two of them on a weekend staycation at a swanky hotel uptown. He already informed her she would be spending all of Saturday morning at the spa and that she will be receiving a present every hour on the hour once she returns to their room.

Before they’d gotten together, Ben had attended many of Rey’s birthday parties as an acquaintance, a friend of her boyfriend’s. But this would be the second birthday she’d be celebrating with Ben as _her_ _boyfriend_ and this has to be the longest 60 seconds anyone has ever waited. Ever.

The digits in the corner of her computer monitor change to 0s as a picture of her sitting in Ben’s lap and kissing his cheek fills her now-vibrating phone screen. 

“Well, hello,” she says, pressing her phone to her ear as she stands up.

“Hello beautiful,” he says into the phone and she smiles. “So, I have some bad news. I’m gonna be stuck at the office a little later than I thought. With court next week, we really have to wrap this up. Rey, I’m so sorry.”

She inhales in an attempt to hide her disappointment. “Okay, that’s okay,” Rey says quickly. “How late will you be?”

Ben sighs. “I really don’t know, Rey. I’m working as fast as I can because I know I won’t be able to get anything done this weekend.” She smiles at that. “But the hotel let me know our room is ready and it was supposed to be a surprise, but there’s strawberries and champagne waiting for us- why don’t you go ahead, use the room to get ready and I’ll come meet you at the rooftop bar as soon as I’m done. Charge everything to the room.”

“Well, I’d rather just wait for you.”

“Rey, I promise, I’ll be there so soon. Go now, I’ll keep you posted, okay? Happy birthday, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

Her heels click on the tile as she walks through the hotel lobby with a bellhop behind her, rolling her suitcase and garment gown on a luggage cart. It seems excessive considering she has just one small piece of luggage and a dress, but upon checking in, she was informed that Ben insisted she not lift a finger to get to their room. It is her birthday, after all. 

The bellhop escorts her down a long corridor to the last room on the floor. He swipes his keycard and holds the door open for Rey to step in ahead of him. She looks around and gasps as she takes in the massive foyer. And then must re-register the fact that there’s even a _foyer_ in her hotel room.

“Are you sure this is my room?” she asks.

“Yes, Miss,” the bellhop responds, hanging her garment bag in the closet and depositing her suitcase on the luggage stand. “The Executive Suite. One of our finest rooms.” He walks through the suite’s living area and gestures through an open door. “The bedroom is just through there, and the bathroom…” He turns a corner to turn the light on. “Is right here. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”

Rey shakes her head and laughs as she slips the bellhop a tip. “I think I’m all set, thank you. Though, it appears as though my boyfriend has lost his mind.”

The bellhop smiles at her. “There are strawberries and chilled champagne in the bedroom. Enjoy your stay.”

She thanks him and steps out of her heels before padding into the bedroom to find a bottle of Veuve Clicquot chilling on ice. Popping it feels rather sad alone, but she figures it’s probably killing Ben more to be stuck at work than it is for her to be here by herself, so she pours a glass as she unzips her skirt.

Rey sips while she gets ready for the evening. Ben texts her that he’ll be there soon; he’s wrapping up now, so she steps into the brand new dress that Rose insisted she buy specifically for tonight, and heads up to the rooftop bar.

Her relationship with Ben had been nothing but a whirlwind since their first night together. Occasionally, she looks back on that night, replays herself in her mind’s eye and cringes at her desperation. But then, Ben wraps her up in his massive arms and plants a kiss full of passion and love to her lips and it’s suddenly not so awkward to think about because it led her here. 

If it weren’t for said moment of desperation, they may not have made it to this point, wherein he tells her that he loves her before she leaves for work, and then when he gets home, and again when he fucks her, doing all the things they’ve learned she loves in bed _together_. 

Ben loves to tell her she was worth the wait, but she’s so grateful he came into her life when he did, she’ll cry if she thinks about it too hard.

Once in the mirrored elevator car, Rey notices her panty lines through her dress and sighs. She really should have put more thought into her outfit. She should have thought to have packed underwear that wasn’t specifically lingerie. She should have considered that almost no underwear can actually be worn under a skin-tight white dress. Well, she’s already braless.

So...

The elevator floats to a stop and Rey detours to the bathroom to slip her underwear off completely. She tucks them into her clutch and plans to use them as revenge at Ben for being so late to the birthday weekend _he_ planned. She figures she can just slip them into his unsuspecting hand and decide that she wants to stay for one more drink. Or maybe two more songs.

It is _her_ birthday, after all. _She_ gets to be in charge tonight. 

Rey saunters out of the bathroom, panties in her purse, and toward a glass door covered in pleated curtains. She ponders what she wants to drink- wine or liquor. Or both. She considers texting Ben to see just how close he is and if she should order him a drink.

Noncommittally, Rey pushes the door open and steps onto the terrace, a cool spring breeze wafting through her hair. And then, everything happens in slow motion and all at once. Her surroundings blur, but the volume increases as her knees nearly give out and her hand covers her mouth.

“SURPRISE!” she assumes is what everyone screams, but she’s too busy trying to maintain balance in her heels, (and no underwear under her dress), that she can hardly register seemingly everyone she’s ever known standing in front of her, including Ben’s parents.

When Rey returns to consciousness, she laughs and plants her palm on her heart, breathing rapidly as the faces of her best friends slowly come into focus and Ben emerges from the crowd. 

Ben laughs. “Happy birthday, gorgeous,” he says, wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss to her mouth. “So, I was technically working… just on this, not on a case.”

Rey tries to look around as she’s bombarded by a swarm of her best friends, some work friends, a couple of Ben’s colleagues and… ever the reminder that she’s panty-less, Ben’s _parents._

“Happy birthday, kid,” Han says to her when he offers her a one-armed hug.

“Happy birthday, Rey!” Ben’s mother yells, despite being just a foot away from her and having planted no fewer than four cheek kisses minutes prior.

Rey is separated from Ben as she makes the rounds, greeting everyone, and thanking them for being here. She’s handed (and expected to open on the spot) several presents and over each uncovered corner of a box, and every hug given to a guest, she looks for her boyfriend. 

He’s standing so tall, so proud for pulling this off. She can see it in his demeanor when he talks to his parents, or when Armie offers him a fist-bump for “actually not ruining this.”

After weaving between three servers, dodging two guests, and slipping under a selfie Poe and Finn are taking together, Rey finally reaches her man where he stands, alone at the bar and waiting on two drinks.

“Hey, you,” he says, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her against him. 

“I can’t believe you did this!” Rey says to Ben as the bartender hands her the glass of champagne Ben had ordered for her. “Is everyone staying here for the weekend too?”

“God, no,” he says with an eye roll. “They’re just here for the evening. The rest of the weekend is just us.”

Rey giggles as Ben leans forward and plants a kiss to her lips. And it’s a _good_ kiss, too. The kind of kiss that maybe shouldn’t take place feet away from parents or best friends, because it’s the kind of kiss that makes her wish she hadn’t taken her panties off.

“Come with me,” Ben whispers in her ear, and part of her hopes he’s dragging her off to a bathroom to-

But he’s leading her to the edge of the terrace and helps her step onto a tiny platform stage set up in the corner. Ben removes the microphone from its stand and hands his beer off to Poe, who looks far too excited about whatever kind of birthday wish, greeting, thank you for coming, kind of speech this will turn into.

Ben taps the microphone twice and leans in after his bops reverberate through the outdoor space.

“Um… can I get everyone’s attention?” Ben says. A series of ‘shh’s follow. “I just want to say thank you all so much for coming tonight, and happy Birthday, Rey! Everyone who is here tonight loves you so much, and I love you more than I ever thought possible. You are the absolute light of my life and every day, I wake up and say, I knew it. I knew this girl was supposed to be mine.” Rey smiles. “And now you are. And I don’t know how I got so damn lucky, but you’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”

The audience coos and squeals and cheers as Ben continues. “So thank you, everyone, for being here tonight, to celebrate this absolutely amazing, incredible, perfect woman. I know I brought you all here under the pretense of a birthday party… and it is that. It definitely is, but I was thinking… if it’s okay with the birthday girl, of course, that this could also be…”

Ben reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black box. Rey’s confused a second longer than she probably should be until Ben gets down on one knee in front of her and says into the microphone, “an engagement party.”

Rey’s hands are on her mouth a second later and she hears the audience gasp. A squeal that is very distinctly Rose’s echoes in her mind. Suddenly, Rey’s looking through a blurry wall of tears as Ben struggles to open the ring box in his shaking hands. He attempts to flip open the wrong side, and has to turn it before he can pry it open.

Rey giggles and gasps as she sees the ring for the first time- the massive, round, solitaire diamond perched on a platinum band. 

“Rey,” he says into the microphone. “I know I tell you this all the time, but I mean it with everything in me- you were worth every minute of the wait. You make me so happy and if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make you just as happy. Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” she says immediately, barely giving him time to finish. “Yes, Ben, of course, yes. I mean, yes. Yes! Yes! I can’t stop saying yes!”

Their friends laugh and clap and cheer and whistle around them, but Rey can hardly hear anything happening off-stage as Ben’s shaking hand slides the ring onto her own twitching finger. He must forget how to stand up, so Rey bends down, a fistful of his shirt in her hand, and plants the _most_ passionate kiss to his lips, friends, family, and panties be damned.

Because Rey always wanted a grand proposal. And damn, did Ben deliver.

They kiss again once Ben stands up, and he wraps one arm around her lower back before lifting her feet off the ground and spinning her with ease, just because he can, just because she’s his.

Rey realizes she’s still shaking, even after Ben helps her off the stage and his parents bull-rush them. Well, Leia bull-rushes. Han hangs a foot or so back, his signature smirk a little cheerier than usual.

“Let me see, let me see!” Leia exclaims, taking Rey’s left hand in hers. “Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous, my boy did good.”

“Welcome to the family, kiddo,” Han says, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Rey gratefully leans into him and makes eye contact with Ben, smiling widely. 

_Family_. 

“Well, I have to give a lot of ring credit to Rose,” Ben admits as she and Armie approach their circle. “Because I’m pretty sure ring shopping with me was a full-time job.”

“A full-time job?” Rose asks with a laugh. “Ben, ring shopping with you was like training for the Olympics. I still wake up in the middle of the night panicking about whether or not Rey would want a halo.”

The group laughs and Rey stares lovingly at her ring. “Well, whatever happened, this is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen, and I thank you both.”

The rest of the night rages on- the food is delicious, the cocktails are cold, and the company is delightful. Though, now that it's nearly 11:00pm and there are still some stragglers on the roof, Rey can’t help but be a little disappointed in the company.

That is, the sheer volume of company that supersedes just Ben and her.

She’s looking over the guardrail at the night sky, various buildings silhouetted in the moonlight. Rey brings her left hand in front of her face and examines her ring. It’s _so_ perfect, she can almost see herself in it.

A pair of thick, hard arms wrap around her from behind and Ben plants a kiss to the side of her face. Rey giggles and turns in his grasp so he can kiss her properly. And he holds her for a second longer away from the party, away from everyone.

“Can we sneak out of here, do you think?” he asks.

“No, Ben! This party is for us, we can’t leave.”

He snorts. “Why not? They can keep celebrating up here,” he says before planting his lips on her neck. He sucks on her skin and licks the spot below her ear he knows she can’t handle, before finishing his thought. “And we can celebrate in our hotel room.”

“Ben,” she whines as he licks the outer shell of her ear.

Between her lack of panties, the diamond ring on her finger, and the way Ben’s ass looks in his dress pants with his burgundy shirt tucked in so nicely, all Rey wants to do is take him up on his offer to return to their suite… and then not make it to the bedroom.

But since this is her birthday slash engagement party, she would be doubly rude if she left.

Thankfully, Han and Leia leaving around 11:20pm sends off a chain reaction of the remaining guests.

Except for Rose.

Because Rose won’t stop talking about venues, and flowers, and photographers, and vendors she used for her wedding and she’ll have to forward Rey some emails and when Rey looks at Ben, she shivers, because the look in his eyes screams that he wants to destroy her.

“Well, it’s getting late,” Ben says, glancing at his watch. 

Rose ignores him and carries on. Rey sees Ben shoot Armie a look, who laughs.

“Rose, love,” Armie says, wrapping an arm around her. “Why don’t we head out, you and Rey can talk wedding stuff later.”

Rose is scrolling through her photos on her phone. “I know, but let me just see if I can find one more thing…”

“Okay, you can send it to Rey if you find it on the way home, I’m calling for an Uber, so we should go downstairs. Come on.”

It’s 11:50pm when Armie finally gets Rose off the rooftop.

On the elevator ride to their floor, Rey cannot stop staring at her ring and Ben cannot stop kissing her. He’s seen it enough. She kisses back with her eyes open, hand outstretched and her gaze locked over his shoulder.

He realizes she’s not responding to him and laughs when he notices all of her focus is on her hand. 

“Do you wanna know why I chose this?” he asked, taking her hand in his and running a thumb over the top of the solitaire diamond. 

Rey nods.

“I chose this ring because it’s so simple, yet so complex. It’s so gorgeous, it doesn’t need anything else around it to accent it or make it look any type of way. I must have looked at thousands of rings, Rey. I wanted to find you the perfect one. But I kept coming back to this one. The band looks delicate like you, but it’s beautiful and strong and holds this massive diamond in place.”

“I love it, Ben,” she tells him as their elevator comes to a stop. “It’s perfect. And my birthday was perfect, and the proposal was perfect, and I-”

She’s cut off when Ben grabs her face with both hands and smothers her in an almost painful kiss. “Mmf… Ben,” she whines as he effortlessly picks her up and carries her to their suite. Once inside, he doesn’t even falter, knowing exactly where the bedroom is and depositing her onto the floor once inside. 

“Been waiting all night to fuck you,” Ben says, his hands running a marathon on her body- squeezing her breasts, her ass, her hips, her wrists. “I had no idea what putting that ring on your finger was gonna do to me.”

Rey smiles as his lips begin their assault on her neck, licking, biting, sucking.

“You’re mine,” he tells her, backing her up against the bed. “I’m gonna fuck you so good tonight, too. Gonna fill you up, is that what you want?”

“Yes,” Rey pants. “Except… I’ll tell you when you get to fill me up tonight. Understood?”

When Ben and Rey officially got together, their favorite pastime became figuring out what Rey likes in the bedroom. In the two years since, they’d tried (what Rey can only imagine is) everything possible- from toys to role play, positions to scenarios. She trusted Ben and was always willing to try something new; more importantly, she never feared propositioning him with a request or suggestion. He was always just as willing, desperate to please her.

Ben's fingers reach for the zipper on her dress, fumbling around the back until he finds it on the side and tugs it down. With practiced ease, he lifts her dress up and over her head, drops it to the floor, and smirks as she stands before him _completely_ naked.

“No panties _and_ no bra?” he asks, shaking his head. “Rey, Rey, Rey…”

"Okay," Rey laughs. “In my defense, I had no idea we were getting engaged tonight and your parents would be here. Had I known that, I would have at least worn panties. I thought it would be just me and you up there.”

“Hmm, and what were you hoping to have happen with no panties and just us?” When he steps toward her, one of his hands immediately reaches between them and he nudges her thighs apart with his fingers. His middle finger strokes between her folds, collecting the wetness that’s pooled there. “Or can I take a guess?”

Rey bites her lip as Ben backs her gently against the foot of the bed so she’s leaning on it and he drops to his knees at her feet. “You may guess,” she whispers, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m guessing I would have teased you at the bar with my fingers,” he says quietly, his pointer finger stroking the length of her cunt, followed by his middle finger. He continues pedaling as he carries on, “I would have started by stroking you slowly, just so you know I’m there, just so you know I’m yours.” His fingers dig into her upper thigh as he places his hand for purchase and nudges his thumb between her folds, searching for her clit. “Then I would have rubbed you here, knowing that I can make you make those little whimpering sounds. And that you’ll scream if I touch you…” his thumb applies pressure on the bottom corner of her clit and she gasps. “Here.”

Ben’s hand works her slowly as he plants a kiss to the inside of her knee, earning a sigh and eye contact once he looks up at her. His eyes are locked on hers as his plush lips climb her thighs, sprinkling soft kisses up toward her center.

His breath is hot on her soaked cunt when he says. “Then, I’d slip a finger inside of you.” He does. His pointer finger. “And watch your face contort… just like that… perfect, sweetheart, and then give you a second one.”

“I want your mouth on me,” Rey breathes and he eases his finger out of her.

“Happy birthday, Rey,” Ben says, planting kisses along her upper thighs, and spreading her legs to drop more kisses on the insides. “I love you so much.” A more focused trail of kisses begins as he moves up with vigor. “You’re so beautiful.” He lifts one of her legs and places it over his shoulder. “You’re my everything.” He licks the junction between her center and thigh and kisses her hip bone. “Soon you’ll be my wife.”

At that, his tongue dives deep into her cunt, flattening it to lick, and pointing it to flick. He teases her a little bit before putting a designated effort into fucking her with his tongue, pushing it into her and pulling it out.

Rey moans as one of his hands wraps around her ankle and squeezes before climbing the length of her leg, over her calf and knee, around her thigh, and to her entrance. She gasps, clutching his hair tighter in her grasp as his lips lap around her clit. A finger slips inside of her.

“More, Ben,” she moans.

He obeys immediately, two fingers easing their way in as his tongue flicks out against her clit. When Rey reaches down to run her hands through his hair, her diamond ring shines from between the strands and she moans, a surge of arousal flooding her center.

“Fuck yes, Rey,” he says, his fingers squelching inside of her due to the fresh slick she’s supplied. “Come for me, baby, I know you’re close.”

He’s right.

His tongue resumes whisking in practiced precision against her clit as his free hand reaches up to squeeze at whichever breast is closest. 

“Ben!” she screams as he pinches her nipple and that bolt of pain that shoots down her body and strikes her center sets off her orgasm like a line of fireworks. “BenBenBen.” Her lungs are out of oxygen but her mouth is full of his name as it spills from between her lips, the crushing waves of her orgasm rolling through her body and into his face as she bucks her hips against him.

Rey mindlessly combs her fingers through his hair with her own head still thrown back. He nuzzles her thigh with the side of his face and she looks down at him. Ben’s still got his fingers inside of her, relishing in the feel of her cunt pulsing against them in her body’s post-orgasmic response.

“Take your shirt off,” she tells him quietly.

With fingers glistening and dripping in her come, he unbuttons his shirt. Rey watches him swallow, his eye contact with her unwavering as the last button slips through its hole and he shimmies the shirt off, the arms of which snag on the muscles of his biceps.

“Pants, too,” she says, keen on leveling the playing field a bit. Ben stands silently, but allows his eyes to traverse her body. Rey watches from her throne on the foot of the bed as he unbuckles his belt. “Kiss me.”

Without hesitation, his lips are on hers, one hand is on the mattress at her side, while he works the zipper on his pants with the other. Once undone, they hit the floor, his belt buckle clamoring at his feet and he breaks the kiss to look at her as if to say, _well?_

“I love you so much,” she says, cupping his face and stroking his cheek. “You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?” He smiles like the sun and she nearly loses any trace of firmness in her voice when she says, “Go down on me one more time.”

Ben hooks an arm around her low back and plants a knee on the mattress before repositioning her in the center of the bed. His mouth paves a wet trail down the center of her body- between her breasts and rib cage, over her stomach and pelvis, to her _dripping_ cunt.

She’s still so sensitive from the first orgasm, it takes minimal effort on his part to drag another one out of her. Ben attempts to make it last as long as possible, slowing down for her, teasing her with just one finger, but she’s so damn responsive to him, it’s a wonder she doesn't explode when he so much as looks at her. 

Her body is heaving with great effort as she comes down from her second (and a half) orgasm. He’d lapped and sucked at her until she literally forced his head off of her, the overstimulation more than she could handle.

“Oh, Misses Solo,” he coos, his lips and tongue relentless in their quest to cover every inch of her body in licks and kisses. “How do you want me?”

When she looks at him, she smiles, the amount of love she has for this man insurmountable to anything she’s ever known. 

Rey discovered very quickly throughout all of their experimentation that as much as she loves Ben pinning her down and having his way, she likes to be in control every once in a while. 

“Rey, how do you want me?” he repeats, his tongue dipping in her bellybutton.

“On your back,” she says sternly and he plants one more kiss to her rib before flipping over. She sits up next to him. “Look at you,” she starts, trailing a finger down his hard abdomen. She grabs his massive erection through the thin black fabric of his boxer-briefs and squeezes. “So hard and ready for me.” Rey hooks her fingers in the elastic band and Ben lifts his hips to help her pull them off. She licks her lips when his cock springs free. “You’re going to fuck me so good tonight. Give me all of your come.”

Ben groans, his leaking cock curled up toward his belly. 

“And you’re going to come inside me and make sure it takes,” she finishes.

His hips buck inadvertently. 

"Yeah?" he asks. "You want me to put a baby in you?

She wasn’t overly surprised when she realized how much it turned her on to beg Ben for a baby, and hear him say it right back. 

Because deep down, what Rey has always wanted is to be part of a family.

“I’m going to get this cock so good and ready,” Rey promises, bending down to lick the underside of his length. “So you can give me everything you’ve got.”

Ben’s hips cant toward her as her tongue circles the head before taking it between her lips. She sucks gently, collecting the precome on her tongue. When she takes his balls into her tiny hand, Ben groans beneath her, thrusting up toward her mouth, desperate for her to take him in.

And she does, bobbing her head up and down, she uses her left hand as an extension of her mouth. But she quickly finds herself distracted by her ring; her eyes lock on the 58 facets projecting light and making it sparkle. She's so distracted in fact, she hardly hears Ben begging beneath her.

“Please let me fuck you, Rey. Please, sweetheart, I need to fuck my _fiancée_.”

It’s almost embarrassing how Rey nearly comes just from hearing that word in relation to her. The first time she’d gotten engaged, it was nothing like this. And she doesn’t just mean the sex.

Rey licks his length one more time before crawling up his body and lets him kiss her once he grabs the back of her neck and pulls her face to his.

Rey sits up, straddling his hips and Ben reaches between them to position his cock at her entrance. She sinks down a bit, drawing just the tip inside and swirling her hips to tease him. Ben’s face contorts, his features pleading as she drops down, taking only half of him this time.

“Reyyyy,” he whines, his hands unmoving on the tops of her thighs.

Rey lifts her hips and drops them down, but still doesn’t take all of him.

“Please, baby,” he whines. “Please, give it to me.”

“Hmm,” Rey pretends to think as she purposely draws swirls into his chest with her left ring finger, watching the diamond glisten in the light. “You have been a good boy tonight.”

She locks eyes with him and circles her hips around him one more time before allowing gravity to pull her down. His cock fills every last cubic centimeter of space inside of her and she moans as her body adjusts to his size.

Regardless of how many times he’s fucked her over the past two years, that initial thrust is always a stretch, always a twinge of pain that shoots everywhere and lingers simultaneously to add to her pleasure.

“You want me to move?” she asks coyly.

“Fuck, Rey. Yes! Yes, please!”

Rey plants her hands firmly on his chest and starts rocking her hips against his, slowly at first, and then all at once. She bobs on him, her tits bouncing with each impact as she works. His hands cling to her breasts after he gets too impatient with watching them, and she _should_ tell him he needs to ask permission before touching her, but she’ll let this one slide. He did decorate her hand with a promise, after all.

“This ring…” Ben pants. “This ring means I’m _yours_. Forever, Rey.

“Yes! Yes!” she screams, falling forward and catching herself on her hands on either side of him. He manages to kiss her briefly and her motions slow, but he grabs her ass with one hand and works her back and forth himself.

“Tell me what you need, sweetheart,” he says; she can feel his breath on her face.

“Please,” she begs. “Fill- fill me up with your come.”

“Yeah?” he pants, squeezing her hips as he thrusts up into her. “You want me to come inside of you? You want me to put a baby in you?”

“Yes, fuck,” she screams, working her hips against his to ensure he fills her the most, hits her the deepest as she leans back. “Please, I need your come. Ben, please come in me.”

“Ugh,” he groans, picking her up to thrust her back onto him. Her breasts dangle in front of his face and he takes advantage, pulling one into his mouth while he fucks up into her. With one of her nipples between his teeth, she’s so close. So so close. “Wanna see you swollen with my baby. Can’t wait to suck on your huge fucking tits.”

Ben’s hand is big enough to stay locked on her hip and stretch his thumb to her clit. “I need you to come for me, Rey,” he says. “Need you to take it and keep it all in. Do you hear me?”

“Yes,” she pants. “Yes, fuck, I-”

“My perfect amazing girl,” he manages to say. “Gonna give me a baby? Do you think you can keep it all inside for me?”

“Yes!” She screams. “Ben, yes, oh god, I-“

“Say my name when you come,” he demands.

The grip on her hip tightens and he more consistently rubs her clit like he knows she needs. She obeys as her orgasm explodes, his name erupting from her lips as her body tightens and stretches all at once, a storm of pleasure raging through her.

“Ugh, make- it- take,” he grunts as he slams her down onto him between each word. Rey places a hand on his chest to hold herself to the earth as he forces her onto him harder than ever, his cock so deep inside of her, she can nearly feel him hitting her _lungs_ when he comes, shooting everything he has into her.

Ben grabs her wrist and pulls it out from under her so she collapses on his chest. One of his hands tangles in the hair at the back of her head and he pulls her mouth down onto his. “I love you,” he tells her. “Future Mrs. Solo.”

Rey squeals and kisses him back. Her hips grind instinctually against his, and she can feel how he’s softened but neither of them move. “I love you,” she says nudging her nose against his. “And I cannot wait to be your wife.”

“I can’t wait to be our own little family,” he says as she lays her head in his best. 

“Not for a while though.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I wanna love you and enjoy married life first.”

Rey nods. “But we can still have fun practicing.” He chuckles as she drops kisses on his cheeks and neck. “Think you can practice again?”

Ben tugs gently on her hair. “Uh-oh. Is it gonna be one of _those_ nights?”

She giggles. “Ben Solo, I know you did not get me a hotel suite and put this rock on my hand, and then _not_ plan to fuck me all night.”

He laughs, and moves her body up and down as his chest rumbles. “I am not worthy,” he says, stroking her hair. “I don’t know what I did to get so lucky.”

Rey shrugs. “You waited for me and I know it wasn’t easy," she says. "Believe me… I know all about waiting.”

"Worth it," Ben says with a smile.

"So worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I’m high key so sad to see this story end. I think that’s why it took me so long to get this epilogue up. I’m going to miss these two. 
> 
> I sincerely hope you liked this ending! 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, thank you for all the comments, kudos, Twitter support, all of it! I’m so so so much more grateful than you know.
> 
> I’m on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/UHadMeAt_Reylo) if you wanna keep in touch or if thirst tweets/threads are your thing. It’s a daily occurrence over there...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, first off, thank you for reading. I would love to know your thoughts!
> 
> Second, this story is going to be a bit different from my usual fluffy smutty dribbles. There will be angst. There will probably be points you don't like Rey or Ben but I will ALWAYS deliver a happy ending.
> 
> Having said that, this story will be 5 chapters with an epilogue and I sincerely hope you enjoy!
> 
> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/UHadMeAt_Reylo)


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